(TW) The Gisèle Pelicot interview

[Itsasecretnow]

I looked for another post but couldn’t find any via AS.
I have just watched the Newsnught interview with Gisèle Pelicot on iPlayer (I believe it went on there today?). Obviously I kept an eye on the case as it was ongoing and have always admired her strength and decision to become public and have an open court hearing. What I wasn’t expecting, though, was to be left by the end of the half hour feeling quite so moved by it! I’m not an ‘emotional” person, normally, and I’m not often moved to this point; I did have actual tears at the end. I think, no matter how much you may follow a case such as this, and have so many feelings about what she went through (and the massive ripple effects on her family), and the obvious anger, hateful and negative thoughts about what these abusers did to her, to actual see her speaking about these things with such dignity and even her positivity around her life and future, you can’t help but be emotionally affected by seeing this. The outpouring support from around the world was always an amazing thing to see, but this interview just transcends everything in terms of emotion and how it hits you.
I guess I’m just posting this because of the effect it had on me and thought maybe a positive discussion about this woman - without giving any heed or time to these men and their despicable crimes (this is the last time I will reference them)- and how she’s going forward in her life, or what it means to all the women who took strength from her…those kind of positive things that seem to just emanate from her as a hugely strong, still positive woman who is still looking forward to her future. It’s a cliche, but yeah, it is inspirational. Any positive stories in the same vein. No looking at, or referencing those who have caused pain, but the strength that women can have in the face of adversity.
(I may not be able to return for a little while, but I really would like this to concentrate on the women).
(I wasn’t sure where best to post this - I looked at all topics - but I think, as it’s specifically inspired by the half hour programme on iPlayer, and I hope it’ll be responde to by those who have watched this specific interview that I’d put it here, at least to begin with, and move elsewhere if needed) thank you all.

She is an absolute revolutionary, 20 years from now her name will in textbooks

I saw a snippet of the interview. I'm guessing it was an advertisement, maybe one or two days ago. I think I'll be going over to I Player sometime in the next few days to watch it. I liked the short piece which I saw.

What a woman.

You're shedding tears because you have empathy. You're possibly also shedding tears because many MANY more women will come forward because of her. You may also be shedding tears of frustration for so many women who have been raped and otherwise abused by their partners.

So many women go through a silent abuse by men. Their own partners. Not what Pelicot went through but in home, spousal abuse.

Glad to read this. I've just listened to Gisele's interview on Newscast, and I'm not ashamed to say that i cried. She is the most incredible person i honestly think I've ever heard of, the bravest, strongest person ever,i am full of admiration for her determination to tell her story, to refuse to be shamed by it, and her will to carry on and live a good life. It was the mention of all the women who stood outside the court for her, and applauded her every day that she came out that really moved me. I wish I'd been there. She blew me away when she stressed that she is not filled with anger or hate - she's a better person than me, I'm filled with hatred for all those vile men and all the men in the world who abuse women and girls.

Apologies for not coming back before now - I use the app and I didn’t get notifications until I checked on the browser earlier.
Everything you all say is so true. What started out as her refusing to feel shame and not hide away has turned into a movement so much larger than that. I definitely agree that in years to come her name will still be out there, and yes, revolutionary was mentioned by pp, and I think that is such an apt word!
It’s true that so many women have experienced something at the hands of men, and so can relate to what she says (obviously not on the same level, but the effect is the same). She is incredibly brave, and I don’t think she knew what she would unleash when she made that decision, and I do believe (hope!) that this can change things going forward.
It is still so frustrating and infuriating that the statistics for charging and conviction are still so disgustingly low in this country. And it doesn’t appear to have increased at all in years and this is what needs to be changed, although I feel that our voices are just not being heard. The amount of money and time spent on far less serious crimes is vile, yet rape kits sit on shelves or women just aren’t listened to or believed. The way defence lawyers rip into women in court seems universal thougout the whole world - if it ever even gets to court. I know in far too many cases - maybe the majority? I don’t know - this often starts as soon as a woman reports the crime. It’s no wonder that a large number of women don’t report. The process is incredibly painful, and we all know this, to go through so much for it to not even get to charging someone is there in our brains, yelling at all of us, knowing this is going to be hard.
She has and will continue to inspire women across the world and I think her book should be in syllabuses everywhere. For both boys and girls to read at school, and to be discussed. I’m years out of the education system, as is my dc, so I’m not sure what is now taught in schools regarding violence against women and girls, but I’m pretty sure it’s nowhere near enough. Unfortunately I think we need to teach this in an uncomfortable way, especially boys, and I don’t think it should be in anyway sanitised, because so far, whatever is being done is nowhere near successful. It’s not just in schools to teach this, obviously, but so many families are not willing to have these difficult conversations with their sons. Maybe this will encourage so many women and girls to come forward - across the world - that it can’t be swept under the carpet any longer. To not feel shame is a human right, yet this is the default starting point in this country, from first report to court, and she showed the entire world that this is not ours to wear. Whether or not a woman feels shame (wrongly, obviously) that’s what’s thrown at her. I don’t know the answer but I do know we’re not a priority and that needs to change.

I caught this when it was aired in Sunday evening and so glad I did. What a dignified and brave lady, I’m just full of admiration for her.

I thought I might only watch a few minutes of this as it’s so distressing, but I was gripped. She is so dignified. And how wonderful that she has found love again and is repairing her relationship with her daughter. I think I now have even more respect for her than I did before. Victoria Derbyshire was an excellent interviewer too.

I will definitely watch this. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. She is truly amazing and has changed the dialogue so much around the sexual abuse of women. Brava, Gisele. Such poise and dignity.

I agree with all of this. You could see how moved and in awe of Mme Pelicot Victoria Derbyshire was. I would like to read her book too.

Haven’t seen this but as a French speaker, I’ve been totally taken aback by the way she has spoken about and treated her daughter, also a victim.

It's unimaginable to think what this has done to Gisele and her daughter. Gisele is a truly inspirational and brave woman but there was definitely something very odd in the way she spoke about her relationship with Caroline. From what I understand Caroline believes she is also a victim and she is not being seen as a victim like her mother is. Her father denies ever abusing Caroline but then again it was unthinkable to think he would ever do what he did to his own wife. I do feel for Caroline as well as she will never get the closure her mother has. It's very sad that this horrible man has ruined a mother and daughter relationship.

I’m aware of difficulties between the Gisele and her daughter, are they mostly to do with the father and the photos? Perhaps French press has more details? I must admit I only read articles in the uk press. I could probably understand most written French but it don’t even occur to me to read any French press. Can you possibly give me the gist of how this has been portrayed in the French news articles, re G and her daughter please? Ty.

As I’ve mentioned above I was aware of the difficulties between mother and daughter but perhaps not so much re how she spoke about her daughter? I agree that she was definitely also a victim of this vile creature, and I can’t imagine how she feels. To not to get answers must be devastating!

You are quite correct. It’s the empathy but also “empathy+” due to this being a woman and knowing - and experiencing (to a much lesser degree than Giselle) - what men can do to women. And frustration, yes, absolutely. Frustration at the sheer injustice women face. It makes me so, so angry!

I’m glad I’ve been able to bring it to your attention. I think it was actually a very respectful and gentle interview, not easy given the subject matter. The messages from other women were extremely moving.

From a quick Google into Caroline and the interviews she has given, it would appear that Gisele does not believe or refuses to believe that Caroline was abused by her father. For a daughter, that would be devastating to think your own mother doesn't believe you.

Yes, I too wondered if it might be too much of a difficult watch, but actually, like you, I too was struck by how dignified she was and how empathetic the interviewer was. She too seemed moved. As I think any of us would be if we were speaking to Giselle. I do hope there’s a way of repairing the mother/daughter relationship, but obviously this needs to go at the pace at which the daughter is comfortable with, and whether repaired or not I do wish the daughter can find a way forward in her own life, given what she has also been through herself.

Tbh, I could never imagine not believing a daughter! Yes, that is something that I just don’t understand about this. I was under the impression that it was because they couldn’t know for sure, rather than her actually flat out refusing to believe her. For the kind of monster he is there’s no way you could be sure he didn’t do anything to his daughter. Was it because there wasn’t the photographic/video evidence, apart from the photos he’d taken of her sleeping? I know he documented everything that he’d done to his wife but I actually don’t think it mean that he would’ve necessarily done the same with regards to his daughter, so it really is very possible that he did abuse her too. I hope the daughter finds some peace, even if she never gets the answers from her father.

You're right @Itsasecretnow I could not imagine not believing my daughter. I can only imagine Gisele desperately doesn't want to believe Caroline was abused too and it's come across badly. The photos of Caroline sleeping are the only 'evidence' there is that Caroline was abused. Caroline says in the photos that she is wearing underwear that isn't hers (DP would put Gisele in underwear that wasn't hers before raping her). Caroline's husband has provided a statement to say that Caroline doesn't sleep in the position that the photos show her to be so implying that she has been drugged and put in that position rather than just sleeping. Caroline feels deep down that she has been abused but there is no concrete evidence and DP denies any abuse of Caroline.

I've just finished watching this and have the following to say:

Did DP plead guilty at his trial? I want to know if he admitted the truth about Gisèle, so I can decide if he has lied about Caroline.

Victoria Derbyshire reminds me of Celine Dion a bit. And yes, she seemed quite emotional by the end of the interview.

Didn't know Queen Camilla had sent her a letter.

Didn't know Gisele had written a book ... I've reserved a copy from the library for when it becomes available.

Is Gisele a Christian? She seems to have a lot of inner strength. Just wondered if it might come from having faith?

What happened to her when she was younger? She mentioned having to see both her grandmother and mother go through some difficult times. Do we know what they were?

All in all, an absolute icon of inspiration to all women everywhere 👌

He recorded and took nude photos of every female in the family including his daughter. He would make montages of Gisèle and Caroline accompanied by detailed comparisons of their bodies and titled things like, ‘the slut’s daughter’. A file titled ‘my nude daughter’ was discovered which contained the two photos of Caroline drugged and in underwear which didn’t belong to her. He had deleted the rest of the photos, which could not be recovered. Despite these facts coming to light, Gisèle has flatly denied that Caroline was ever abused. She told her ‘this isn’t about you, I’m the victim’ and told her she doesn’t believe her (about being abused). Gisèle’s ability to push down the trauma, remain stoic, compartmentalised and dignified at all times is the perhaps same state of being which prevents her from being emotionally available to her daughter, who has required psychiatric inpatient care. Complex situation with two very brave women at the centre of it.
No such thing as a perfect victim, would be my take on this.

@Meredusoleil yes DP pleaded guilty to drugging and raping Gisele, arranging other men to rape her, the rape of another woman and up skirting. That's what makes his denial of abusing Caroline more tricky as he pleaded guilty to everything else. Some say incest/rape of a daughter is a step too far in terms of what he's done so he'd be too ashamed to admit to that, particularly as no concrete evidence. He had to admit to everything else as there was evidence.

Oh and one other thing: couldn't believe she still wants to go and visit him in prison to get answers 😯 As if he's going to explain anything to her 🙄

Incredible lady who has brought the depraved nature of a lot of men into stark reality. The fact her husband always appeared kind and caring and not a womaniser type, and for decades hid his dark side from his own wife is terrifying, and then there's the rest of them. It's hard to believe it's true.