How do we get our child to share the TV?

[ThatNimbleNavyRobin]

Our 8yo has grown up choosing which TV programmes to watch - I was a single mum for 5 years and honestly it was easier to go along with this whilst trying to juggle everything else. But, my partner and I have carried on doing this for the last 3 years and reinforced the problem. She struggles to accept anyone else's choices. We make suggestions and she will not bend. She has offered for us to watch what we want whilst she uses her tablet, but she doesn't use it much currently and we don't want to swap one problem for another and we want to instill time together. We get out and about a lot together and the TV is actually a small portion of the day, but when it's on it's problematic. Does anyone else have this problem? I'm loathe to just grab the remote as it's not her fault we have allowed this situation to develop. She also has a similar problem with friends and has to be the person making all the choices or she just doesn’t take part. This obviously results in a small circle. Any tips for how to encourage her to share and even things out please?

@ThatNimbleNavyRobin, one of the good things about parenting is that if you realise you've made a mistake and taken the wrong path, you have the power to change things. Don't worry about what's happened in the past, time to put your foot down and make a change. She'll adapt when she understands the new approach.

Good grief, I can't believe what I've just read.
Two adults scared of an 8yr old child!

You say this is what we are watching and then you watch it!
You are creating a monster OP. You are doing her no favours and she will end up with no friends.

Please note that children who have never been told no are quite a problem in a class of 30 in school.

Explain the boundary you're setting and why. Explain that this is about utilising the TV as a way you can all enjoy time together and that will involve compromise. Explain the consequences, if she starts complaining about what others are watching then she'll lose screen privileges altogether.

Then you need to follow through. Someone picks something and she starts to complain - x I already explained this it's ys turn to pick something for us all to watch if you continue to complain/demand you'll lose your screen time for x period.

You need to be firm and stick this out until she gets the message. If she's bored that's actually OK. It's developmentally healthy for kids to have periods of boredom.

Turn it off.

How on earth have you got yourself in this position? You need to remind her who the adults are .

You're the adult. You tell her.
She's not the one who should be in control here.

You say 'we either share the TV or we switch it off, so from next week we are having a new system' and then you support the shift.

The transition could be helped by looking a bit further forward, rather than arguing at the time - so you help her plan - 'what two things in the week do you most want to watch? We will make sure you see those' and then also tell her which things YOU want to watch. And ask her to think about whether she will want to watch your choices or find something else to do instead (she could read, or colour, or do anything quiet while you're watching).

Make sure that what you choose to watch is age appropriate, it's ok for her to be bored but not to be scared.

The OP explained how at the top of the thread. Loads of parents do make errors. The OP should be supported to make the change, not berated to make you feel superior!

You don’t share the TV. It’s yours not hers. She can watch what you are watching or as a treat she can pick something. Unfortunately you have conditioned her to act this way and it will have negative consequences reaching into adulthood if you do not change YOUR attitude Op.

No advice, but I laughed to see this on the telly addicts board. 🤣

Oh my god

Does she not go to bed at a reasonable time? The kids monopolise the TV after school, but do take turns with each other, then they go up to bed about 8 and we watch what we want. Or is the issue that you want to watch it together but unsurprisingly there isn’t much overlap between what you like and what she likes? If that’s the case then try doing movies instead because it’ll be far easier to find stuff you both like. And after a certain time I’d definitely be insisting it’s adults time but if she’s still up then make sure its age appropriate- it’s fine for her to be bored senseless watching Grand Designs, and mighty actually be quite good for her because she sounds quite entitled, but she shouldn’t be watching any properly adult content.

Trying to bludgeon her into submission with "we're adults, do as we say" (which I entirely support in other contexts!) might I suspect be less effective than a slightly subtler approach. The problem is you're introducing a big change and that only comes across to the child as adults being inconsistent and capricious and not the sort of people any sensible individual would listen to. So you're better off giving some kind of reasoning, ideally something which frames it as a positive for her, e.g. "When you were smaller we let you watch you wanted because you were too young to know how to share, but now you're a big girl you need to learn how to do it."

This will not of course cause her to dutifully cast the remote at your feet in paroxysms of obedience to your manifold wisdom, but it may make things a little easier.

Please do make a thread in a few years when she's a teenager OP and update us

Believe me, when I say that both you and your child will regret it, if this continues to be the power dynamic within the family. It’s not healthy. Change it now, while you still can. Don’t let her rule the roost. It’s not good for any of you.

You are doing her absolutely no favours at all by giving her a skewed version of the real world. She is going to find it difficult to manage being with other people if she thinks she’s always the decision maker.

On the subject of tv, you could find one programme you can all tolerate and watch one episode at a time. If she wants to watch whatever eight year olds watch then say ‘I don’t want to watch it because it’s a children’s programme’.