In My Own Words - Alison Lapper

[StrongAutumn]

Just watched this on iPlayer.

I remember Alison and her son Parys from the Child of Our Time series. Alison was born with complex physical disabilities but made her way as a mouth and foot artist.

Tragically, Parys had mental health problems and died from an accidental overdose a few years back - aged 19, God love him.

This documentary shows Alison talking about her life and in particular about being a mother, as she prepares for an exhibition of her work.

I found it profoundly shocking and moving. She really is the most extraordinary woman. Life has been just brutal to her and yet she has somehow kept going. Such resilience.

Has anyone else seen it?

Yes, I watched it. I'd like to see the exhibition
Worthing till 29th September.

I would really liked to see the exhibition too but the south coast is just too far away from me.

Of all the shocking things I saw/ heard in this programme, the thing that left me reeling more than all the others was her mother coldly explaining that Alison got no love from her. No wonder Alison cherished her baby.

I remember them on Child of our Time and one scene was really moving. I can't remember the exact detail but only how it made me feel: she was getting Parys out of a car when he was really small, and he was so sensible about staying safe on the road even though he was so young. There was something about it that made me think their bond was really special, like he was looking out for her too.
I will try to watch it, I read an interview with her about how she has been treated/discussed (appallingly) from birth and even after the sculpture of her was revealed in Trafalgar Square and it was unbelievable.
She seems like a remarkable woman.

I watched it. I thought she was brilliant. I remember her and Parys from A Child of Our Times too and was really sad to hear that she lost Parys a few years back. So desperately sad.

The footage of her mother saying she didn't love her was shocking. Just desperately cruel. I couldn't believe that she happily and matter of factly said it straight to camera. How does anyone deal with that?

And the bloke talking badly about her art was appalling. Another one who seemed to think it was absolutely fine to say such atrocious things straight to camera.

I'd love to meet Alison, she came across really well and I bet she'd be brilliant on a night out!

She's incredible.
I was going to bed, caught the start of it and then spent the hour transfixed perched on the edge of the sofa.
What an amazing woman.

i want to watch this

I won’t watch because I’ll sob through it. I have read her interviews though. When she lost Parys, I was so sad for them both. And shocked about what she’s put up with as an adult artist. That those attitudes are still so prevalent.

I have this on record to watch at a later date. I have always really admired her after also seeing her on a Child of our Time and thought what an amazing human being she is. I watched the series Child of our Time because my own eldest child was born in the same year so the babies on the series were the same age as my little one which I found quite interesting. I watched it year on year as they grew up. It was such a fabulous series. I was devastated to learn that she lost Parys a few years ago. It was such a shock and my heart broke for her. How much can one person go through? I honestly think her strength is admirable. I haven't watched this yet as I know it will make me emotional and I am emotional enough as it is right now with my youngest going to Uni in 2 days and my Dad having just been diagnosed with cancer. I don't feel I am ready to watch it right now. But I look forward to seeing it when I feel ready to.

i was so sad for her
the story from her mother, even in 2022, was just awful
just how could she
why didnt she let her be adopted?
and so sad about Parys

I think she truly changed the world by being on the plinth and child of our time. It was so rare to see a woman with disability on tv then - we are seeing more now with paralympics etc but Alison Lapper really lead the way. I agree she seems fun, super bright and interesting I’d love to know her

Alison comes across as a brilliant mother; rather extraordinarily considering her own upbringing. It was obviously much better for her though to be institutionalized though than grow up in her 'mother's' care, she sounds horribly cold and self absorbed.
I watched COOT and loved watching Alison and Parys together. I found it interesting that she said the parents had no idea that they were testing the children, I wonder how the other parents/children feel about that now.
Alison saying that it didn't matter what how much she loved him, or what she said/did, that it couldn't protect him from his issues was so sad, but very true for everyone.

I watched this last night and I was in tears by the end. I watched child of our time and had my own baby around the same time, i feel so sad for Alison and i'm going to try
and see her exhibition.
Her mum made me so angry, she should be absolutely ashamed of how she talks about her amazingly strong smart and talented daughter.

I went to the exhibition this afternoon (and I'm currently sitting on Worthing beach.) It's small, but worth seeing if you're in a reasonable distance from Worthing. And it's free.

I don't doubt she loved her son but wasn't he removed from her care?

It's irks me that this part is sometimes glossed over.

No he wasn't removed from her care! He ended up in a unit for children with mental health issues because he had been relentlessly bullied for years and she couldn't keep him safe. Don't you dare try and make her out to be a bad parent - she did all she possibly could do.

Did you watch the documentary, she literally explains it all.. she tried everything she could and clearly loved her son. He was dealing with severe mental health problems and addiction, in a country where there is very little help available!
You've made it sound like she was neglectful and he was dragged off by social services!

i assume he was under the mental health services due to neuroticism, which was noted quite early.

He was sectioned at the age of 17 and moved around the country to various places.
Just read that Alison split up from her husband :-(

How early? I’m trying to understand what you are implying. Not a criticism- I just feel as though I’m missing something I should understand!

Alison said in the program that when he was 5 or so he had been tested and scored high for neurotic personality - she hadn't known they (COOT) were going to do this type of testing on the children. Edit: she also said towards the end he had become so neurotic that he couldn't get into the shower as he thought it was going to close in on him.

I wondered whether he felt overly responsible as a child. We fostered, and my younger DS was wise ahead of his time and tended to suppress his emotions to protect everyone else in the household. We had to help him value his own needs as highly as the more vulnerable children we looked after. Basically he never got to kick off because someone else was always there first 🤣.

Oh that’s so sad.

There’s extraordinary research about epigenetics, that the trauma of past generations can impact children.

What I thought was so sad was the judgement that she couldn't be a good Mum because of her disability

When I watched COOT that never even crossed my mind. Sure she would need practical help for his practical needs. Something the wealthy do by employing a nanny (or 2/3).

She has the most important characteristics- compassion, empathy, patience, kindness and so on.

So many of us have teens that have gone through addiction/self-harm etc etc. the bit for the grace of God have mine come through the other side.

Heartbreaking he kept having in-patient placements that were inaccessible to her when Parys needed his Mum most.

I remember Alison and Parys from ‘ Child of our time’ the children featured are similar age to mine (coming up to 25 now).

i was really saddened when Parys died of a drug overdose, after seeing him grow up on tv.

Due to the severity of her physical disability Alison couldn't be alone with Parys and had a carer 24/7. I remember her saying in COOT that she was worried about the impact of this on him, so many came and went and he would build a bond with them and then they'd leave, and she could see it affect his behaviour/emotional state. The bit that really broke my heart was an article she did just after his death saying he got badly bullied because of her disability, and she believed that contributed to his issues.