Psychology of Amanda’s mum from Motherland

[verytired42]

Just watched the Christmas special. One of the things I was puzzled by is why Amanda’s mother is so awful to her. It’s not that it is unbelievable - I’ve observed behaviour like this - I’m just not sure why you’d do it to your kid. Any insights?

@Needathickskin that line got me too,

In answer to your question OP there are definitely women like Amanda's mum. Mine was socialised to value the opinion and company of men over that of women and was enormously competitive with me when I was younger. It was horrible.

I think the relationships with mothers in Motherland are beautifully done

I thought it was interesting that Amanda's supposed "rival" was so nice. Was she maybe over compensating as she recognised the behaviour a result of her own mother or something.. (I know it's not real, lol)

I loved those scenes and while it didn't make me like Amanda, it did make me pity her. Having a mother who saw her as a rival, being raised to be suspicious of other women and girls to the point where you cannot form healthy friendships, being taught good looks and youth are everything and you are nothing without them. You can see how it crippled Amanda emotionally. It is taking every ounce of her strength to fight back, even in the small ways that she does but she is trying. I loved that whole series for writing like this.

In the Mother’s Day episode where Amanda takes her Mum out for lunch, Anne & her Mum pop into the restaurant (and clearly love each other and have a great relationship). They’re cooing over Anne’s baby and going on about how Amanda’s lovely and slim.

Just at that moment, there’s a look that Amanda’s Mum gives her that would slice you in two.

I know that’s not really the point in the thread but JL nails that look. It’s her character down to a tee.

I think some mums have a mindset like this:

1. I want my daughter to be happy.
2. She'll be happy if she marries a nice man.
3. She's more likely to marry a nice man if she presents herself well.
4. She's more likely to present herself well if I point out things that I think aren't quite right about her appearance.
5. So I'll dedicate my life to criticising my daughter's appearance.
6. Why isn't she happy?

I love that mother's day episode. Ann is my favourite and I think on balance the one I identify with most.

My mom was not like it but my Nan ( dads mom) could be a bit like this . I was a shy sensitive child . Although she encouraged me in Art and taught me some Italian and I would spend most weekends up to age 7 with her and my grandad .As I got into my teens she could make quite critical remarks that I still remember to this day .
I did look into her childhood and I feel she suffered trauma at being the one child her parents left behind in Switzerland with her nan while her mom and dad and siblings came to England . She wrote a family book which voices her experiences. She was eventually bought over here too but I think she wondered what was wrong with her. My dad suffered from feeling not good enough and mental health issues which I also had .
My dad could also be vindictive and mean if he was in a mood if you challenged him in anyway .I have taken a long cold look at myself to try and break the cycle.
I would have said it was just me being sensitive but my first boyfriend picked up on it . He said that my nan was a bit mean like my dad at times.