Behind the Rage: America's Domestic Violence - ITV 10.45 Mon 17 Oct

[iwantmyownicecreamvan]

Just started watching this now. I don't know if the statistics are the same in the UK as in the US. It says most female homicide victims are killed by their partners (which sounds horribly familiar). It seems to be looking at it through the lense of working with the violent male. Don't know how I feel so far really - the men so far seem to be expecting sympathy and I can't feel any.

I’m 12 years out of an abusive relationship and feel it’s the only way to stop this - to heal these broken men

I don’t think I would have thought that 10 years ago.

Yes I have to say that makes sense - well nothing else seems to be working does it? Are you watching it @hamstersarse ? I am perservering and trying to keep an open mind. I guess what can these guys say except that they're sorry.

That poor woman - Laurie? That poor woman.

I watched it last night. Is Laurie the one who is still with her husband? She's still walking on eggshells. I can't see it ending well.

I'll have to watch it again to get names and more details but there weren't many real tears. Or should I say tears of remorse. I believed the big guy at the end (I think he had a beard but no moustache), he seemed genuine in what he was saying.

One of them, when the interviewer asked what he would say to his victims, said "Get out of there" or words to that effect. It didn't even occur to him to be sorry ...

I think it could have gone deeper, but it was a reasonable start.

Yes Laurie was the one who was still with her husband and the social worker was worried about her - I wished she had left, what he did sounded so cruel and contemptuous. Hope she'll be ready to leave soon.

I felt like you that there were crocodile tears and pleas of abusive childhoods from the perpetrators and I was glad when the therapist guy at the end said that many men had abusive childhoods and didn't go on to murder their wives. Harsh, but I think it needed saying and I'm glad he did.

Yes, you're right, it is a start and I think working with the abusers has to be done - especially when the first social worker said she had decided this was the only way forward after working with seven victims of the same abusive man. Many of them do seem to be serial abusers.

Absolutely. And that's just the ones who are held to account. There are probably millions more who just move on to their next victim ... until they go too far or die.

There are many people who had bad childhoods, it's so often men who carry that abusive behaviour on and women who go on to become further victims. It's a never ending cycle.

The fact that you would get more time in America for killing a bald eagle than was it killing or beating your wife? Says it all.

I've just watched this too. That poor woman, Laurie. She even said he'd definitely do it again, probably as soon as they were in the car going home. Did anyone else think WTF when she he reached into her pocket whilst strangling her, took out a packet of cigarettes, lit one and threw the packet to his friend? What the actual fuck? The friend was stood there watching this bastard murder his wife?

That was the bit I was referring to @thenightsky - I just can't believe that a man who would do that would really change in any meaningful way. Just hoping that she's left him now and is far far away from him.