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Watching Netflix MAID: I don’t get what’s so wrong with her ex?

39 replies

MoonBaby1 · 07/11/2021 20:04

Okay, so he’s a flawed character but he’s got sober, he’s there for her and he loves her and her daughter.

He just supported her through her mums breakdown.

Am I the only one who doesn’t see why she doesn’t give Sean a second chance?

OP posts:
KhaleesiOfChaos · 07/11/2021 20:05

Have you watched it all?

Plus the only reason she needs - he was violent and abusive towards her. Why should she give him a second chance?!

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MoonBaby1 · 07/11/2021 20:06

Not all yet so I know my opinion might change. At this point he’s never been violent towards them

OP posts:
Crumblinginside · 07/11/2021 20:08

He's trapped her.
She has no freedom.

Also he is aggressive. In one of the episodes her neighbour in the refuge says throwing things at the wall comes just before they will hit her.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 07/11/2021 20:08

The first episodes she picked broken glass from her daughter’s hair.

Next time that glass could be in her eyes…

And the holes punched in the walls are pretty sinister.

PlanDeRaccordement · 07/11/2021 20:10

He gets worse. It shows how abuse escalates.

ChequerBoard · 07/11/2021 20:14

Keep watching, he shows his true colours..

dudsville · 07/11/2021 20:14

Are you looking away at key times, biking at the wrong moments? The filming is interesting; it does brief flashes or "interpretations" letting you know the hidden meaning of context. Some of the brief flags are of him being terribly frightening physically in his behaviour toward her. Other times she mentions how he limited her contact with others or took control of the finances, etc . She was scared of him. When men intimidate women, what we know on a visceral level is that if they want men have the physical power to follow through with threats. She was scared. That's not an OK relationship. He may love her in his way, but it's deeply harmful and dysfunctional. Remember the discussion early on, he didn't hit her, but it was abuse. Emotional abuse is seen as less than or even misunderstood entirely.

BurntTheFuckOut · 07/11/2021 20:15

Oh well, as long as he’s not violent Hmm

KhaleesiOfChaos · 07/11/2021 20:19

@MoonBaby1 The first episode shows him being violent towards her ie broken glass all over the floor, punching the wall by her head.

He may not have physically touched her but the aggression was aimed at hurting or scaring her.

It's quite concerning that you don't appear to consider him violent. Are you ok?

JeremiahStanding · 07/11/2021 20:21

You need to watch it all. It is about control as well as being violent.

spotcheck · 07/11/2021 20:24

I felt sympathy toward him too. His backstory is horrific.

But it isn't up to Alex to fix him/ be an emotional crutch for him. It certainly doesn't mean his aggression is ok

SushiGo · 07/11/2021 20:26

It's very well put together, in that in various moments you sympathise with Sean, the idea that he's changed, is it possible there's more to the story than just her version etc

Then a few episodes later it becomes clear why the problems are much deeper and her instincts are completely right that he is abusive.

The contrast with Sean and her Dad is really so well done - because her dad is Sean, 20 years later, sober, lots of reflection, but in his heart he still minimises abuse and the impact it has. Even if Sean got really good quality help, would he be the same? Probably.

Flamingo49 · 07/11/2021 20:29

I think this show is absolutely amazing at showing how complex and insidious abuse can be. If it's direct physical abuse, it's easy to be on her side and support her viewpoint. But the threats of violence, the control, isolating her.... It's so much more understated, yet no less devastating in its impact. The ex does indeed have many likeable characteristics, which presumably is why she stayed with him for so long.

ChequerBoard · 07/11/2021 20:29

I think one of the things that Maid demonstrated beautifully was Alex's gradual understanding that she was being abused.

At the start of the series she told the social services worker that no she wasn't abused and then when she first moved into the shelter she was almost embarrassed as she didn't think she deserved to be there.

As time went on she realised that she was indeed a victim of abuse and very much needed and deserved the help of shelter.

PS - Shelter manager was the star of the piece for me!

Flamingo49 · 07/11/2021 20:33

Also, I found the scene in the trailer when Sean gets her to sit at the table for dinner absolutely excruciating- I just wanted to cry at how helpless and hopeless it all felt

phonetica · 07/11/2021 20:33

I’m about halfway through the series, other than the rage/drinking issues at the start (smashing glass, hitting walls, verbally abusive) you also gather how controlling he’s been through the relationship- takes away her access to any money/bank account, her car, she doesn’t seem to have any of her own friends they are all his friends.

caringcarer · 07/11/2021 20:45

@moonbaby1 he is abusive and controlling. I dare not give examples as it would spoil it for those who have not seen it yet. If you would accept Sean you must have very low standards in a partner. I expect support, love, care and tea in bed.

zoemum2006 · 07/11/2021 20:49

This is what is so good about the show. He is not the obvious abuser (he doesn't hit her). This is why she doesn't feel she deserves support.

But he is emotionally abusive and he terrifies her and that is abuse.

Sparklfairy · 07/11/2021 20:58

You're at the point in the series that really shocked me, and by that I mean I was shocked that I changed my mind about Sean and could totally see myself going back in that situation. Which made watching what happened next even more unsettling for me. Its easy to sit on the outside and say, "don't be stupid, he'll never change, don't go back," but I totally fell for it. Scared me a bit.

pinknikes · 07/11/2021 21:07
Biscuit
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MoonBaby1 · 07/11/2021 21:08

I think perhaps I’ve fallen for the charm offensive at this stage. I’ll watch on

OP posts:
Crumblinginside · 07/11/2021 21:13

Refuge manager was so real. Beautifullly acted part.. loved her.

allofthecheese · 07/11/2021 23:03

It's interesting as it's been filmed in a way they want you to think this. It shows how abusers can come across as charming or regretful or whatever. Keep watching. I suspect your opinion will change.

PlanDeRaccordement · 08/11/2021 11:48

@spotcheck

I felt sympathy toward him too. His backstory is horrific.

But it isn't up to Alex to fix him/ be an emotional crutch for him. It certainly doesn't mean his aggression is ok

I also felt sympathy for Sean as well when learning his backstory. He had been horrifically abused as a child...which is known to be a risk factor in men becoming abusive s adults. I don’t want to post any spoilers...but he does eventually realise he’s abusive and makes the right decision in the end.
phonetica · 08/11/2021 18:52

Just finished this today and thought it was brilliant, very powerful.

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