Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Telly addicts

Related: Film discussion forum.

Original poster

Help Me Love My Baby - C4 8pm

40 replies

FatBellyHoHoHo · 03/12/2007 19:32

anyone going to watch it?

New mother Zoe is a brave woman. Despite overwhelming guilt, she admits she feels nothing for her six-month-old baby Izzy. In fact, she literally keeps her at arm's length and, as a result, Izzy avoids looking at her mother. It's both extraordinary and tragic to see a child this young deliberately turning its head away so that there's no chance of eye contact with the person who brought her into the world. This straightforward documentary, the fi rst of two focusing on mothers who haven't bonded with their babies, shows the pair starting an emotionally painful series of therapy sessions with Dr Amanda Jones, a gently spoken woman with empathy positively oozing from her. Mothers of young children will probably be riveted, but almost everyone will be interested in seeing how one person's behaviour patterns can affect another.

OP posts:
robinredbreast · 04/12/2007 09:37

hi fbj ive just emailed you,hope you get it, sorry about the bad spelling/grammer but im bf dd as i type

robin

3andnomore · 04/12/2007 16:20

I watchede it and it upset me so much,I saw so much of Zoe and Izzy in myself and ys....!
The therapist was just amazing and I am so glad that they could work through it!
I was very pleased that this programme was made as hopefully it will raise awareness of this sort of problem....like Zoe said...there is so much guilt you carry around with you, because of the bad feelings you hvae in the first place and that makes it such a vicious circle.
When I went through this I felt so inapt as a mother....and, tbh, my ys (now3) is still able to make me feel completely incapable as a mother...!

And FBJ, I am so sorry to hear about your daughters problems and the guilt you are carrying with you

zoena · 04/12/2007 17:24

hi all just wanted to say thankyou xx i have been a member for about three months now but dont come in here often xx my mom had a personality disorder and alcohol problem x she was asked to take part in the programme but declined not suprisingly really, i was terribly anxious about how it would come accross but am so happy that what i wanted to achieve ie it not being a taboo anymore has been done, i am glad to say me and izzy are going from strength to strength and my relationship with xara has also become closer from it (i didnt realize how distant i was with her until i got close to izz) i broke the cycle that may have been going on in my family for generations and i love my life now and hope it helps others to see that you wont be labelled a nutter or such and that its ok not to feel undying love for your newborn, the only thing i regret is leaving it for 6 months before i got any help which i am sure is a common problem x if anyone wants to ask me any questions please feel free xx zoe hicks and izzy x

Original poster
FatBellyHoHoHo · 04/12/2007 17:55

hiya zoe, thank you for posting and thank you for bringing such a sensitive issue to light and having the guts to break the taboo.

I think it's so sad that so many of us have the same problem and haven't addressed it for whatever reasons, but hopefully that will change now.

I had family therapy with my daughter today and mentioned the programme and how much I related to it. The therapist hadn't seen it but was very interested and agreed that it could explain a lot about our situation. I guess we'll see how much of the damage can be repaired in time.

I wish you and your girls the best of everything.

OP posts:
lionheart · 04/12/2007 18:11

Hi Zoe

I thought it was very moving and it was lovely to see how you were working with the therapist to change things.

Good for you for trying to raise awareness at the same time.

zoena · 04/12/2007 18:51

thankyou xx on my first visit they told me all about how they intended the show to come across but to be honest i was so distraught and depressed i didnt care as long as someone helped me but as i got better i realized and saw how ashamed i was i didnt say a word to my health visitor just went in and cried and she said i had pnd but it wasnt her fault she had no idea about my past with my mother but if my gp had gone through my records he would have seen my overdose at 14 various doctors reports the fact i had a social worker and that i had been diagnosed before with depression but refused to take the tablets , i was never made to sign a contract for the programme until amanda said i was mentally stable enough to realize the implications of it and she only agreed to do the programme if the therapy went on for at least a year x

Tamum · 04/12/2007 18:54

Oh zoe, bless you- you are a very brave woman and have lovely, lovely children who are a credit to you.

time4me · 04/12/2007 19:31

Zoe you came across to me as a VERY DEVOTED mum,how many could keep nursing a baby under such pressure.You were extremely brave and have two gorgeous children.

BitTiredNow · 04/12/2007 21:38

Zoena, I was so touched by the programme - thank you for being brave enough to agree to it, and I thought you came across as a lovely mother. Big hug for the future.

shreddies · 04/12/2007 22:06

Zoe, I thought you were amazing, I was really touched by the programme and you were so so brave to take part. Thank you for doing it. My mum had terrible PND with my younger brother and it took about 20 years before they had a working relationship. If only there had been help available for them then. The less stigma there is the more people will get help, and you really contributed to that last night

zoena · 04/12/2007 22:42

thanks so much if anyone wants to contact me feel free zoe dot hicks at virgin dot net xxx i love u all for being so nice about me and to me

3JinglesandnoBells · 05/12/2007 12:56

Zoe, I think another thing the programme highlighted, and you actually also did even more so in some of your posts is....that tablets aren't the answer really!
I went to my GP, because I was so distraught at my own feelings or lack off towards ys and I suppose I was depressed and traumatised, but his answer was to put me onto anti Depressants and he said he would prefer me to stop breastfeeding in order to do so....that, for me, was not an option.....whilst I didn't always enjoy breastfeeding ys (especially in those first screaming month), it was the only thing that I felt I did right and of course it made it necessary for me to hold my son...I was scared that, if I would change onto Formula, I would stop holding him as much, and felt, instinctively, that that would have made matters worse, and it also would have only added guilt and even more feelings of being a failure for me.
Rambling, sorry...
anyway, as I decided against taking tablets, the only help offered, I went without help.
When we moved to another area I had, luckily, a fantastic HV and because of being able to talk to her I never needed to seek further help....but I still wonder if I have done any irreparable damage to my ds....

ImBarryScott · 05/12/2007 13:06

I just wanted to add that I saw this too. Zoe, I was so impressed at how you work through all of your difficulties. I have certainly learnt a lot from what you and your family shared, and I'm sure many others did too. thank you for having the courage and generosity of spirit to share your experiences. i hope you and the family are doing well.

marmon · 06/12/2007 06:33

Zoe Hicks has posted a message on the "feeling depressed" page of mumsnet, she wants us to sign a petition. just thought i would let you know.

pregnantbabyelephant · 11/12/2007 08:26

anyone watch last nights ?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page