Kate Garraway: Finding Derek

[purpleme12]

Is anyone watching this?
Almost harrowing

So you think that a man who while ill is clearly capable of expressing his feelings couldn’t possibly consent to this? Nice bit of ableism there.

That was to the self righteous among us.

Well I think she is marvellous. What a lovely warm normal lady she is. I think she has done an important job in raising awareness of the truth of long COVID. I also think as his wife and next of kin she knows best as to what is or isn’t in his and their best interests. So many people making self-righteous assumptions here. I fully applaud her and wish him all the best.

I feel very uncomfortable with the invasion of privacy aspect of this too and can only hope that they don't come to regret it when he is more recovered. As an experienced journalist I'm sure KG has given a lot of thought to the implications of exposing her husband to filming when he was so desperately ill but it's not a choice I could ever for one moment imagine making. It's just too intimate ... hence my discomfort. I'm not going to condemn her for it though. I have to assume she knows what she's doing.

I wouldn't berate her for doing this. She's having to carry the entire family and make some incredibly difficult decisions. And she knows her husband better than any of us do. Some people are very private and others wouldn't be bothered about this kind of thing. Pointless to project your own preferences onto this situation.

I feel for her and I'm sure she doesn't need other people's judgements on top of what she's going through. I wouldn't want to walk a mile in her shoes at the moment. I hope she gets tons of support and her husband's health improves as soon as possible. I also think she's incredibly brave to get on with things while supporting her family and being responsible for all the parenting, domestic responsibilities and finances.

@Splicedbananas I agree perhaps this has helped her cope & it certainly raises awareness not just how deadly covid can be but having a loved one in hospital through lockdown.

@Losttheequipment

He clearly can consent

This. He seemed very aware of the situation he is in - hence the very very sad ‘fk it’ comment towards the end. We only saw a tiny snippet of their life and conversations last night. It was harrowing to watch and it hammered it home how utterly devastating this disease has been for many many people. The difference is, Derek is still with us and the majority of others in his position have died.

@Splicedbananas

I wouldn't berate her for doing this. She's having to carry the entire family and make some incredibly difficult decisions. And she knows her husband better than any of us do. Some people are very private and others wouldn't be bothered about this kind of thing. Pointless to project your own preferences onto this situation.

I feel for her and I'm sure she doesn't need other people's judgements on top of what she's going through. I wouldn't want to walk a mile in her shoes at the moment. I hope she gets tons of support and her husband's health improves as soon as possible. I also think she's incredibly brave to get on with things while supporting her family and being responsible for all the parenting, domestic responsibilities and finances.

I agree with this too. Who is anyone to judge?

I have a medical condition & the last time paramedics had to come out for me they had a camera crew with them, they were doing a fly on the wall type of programme. I was in no state to give consent so my family told them to stay outside. But tbh I wouldn't have minded if it helped to raise awareness of what it's like.

There seems to be so much self righteousness on MN. The ones on the "have you ever thrown sickie thread" saying "when my head fell I left it and still went running to work".

On the privacy side assume he did consent, and that she considered it wouldn’t negatively affect their DC.

Times interview with her mentioned the financial situation: they were both ‘self employed’, as is (unfortunately IMO!) common with high paid people to reduce tax for both the employer and earner, so his income was lost and she had to continue to work or drastically change lifestyle.

The financial aspects of serious illness or disability in families are terrifying.

@ScienceSensibility

I think the documentary is an appalling breach of Derek Draper’s privacy and dignity. He is not in any position to give consent for this. She may be married to him, but she doesn’t own his life. She can talk about her own feelings and loss, whatever. She’s already given several interviews where she has revealed information about his physical condition. I would be fucking livid if my spouse did that.

Is it for money? To keep her in with bosses at ITV? It’s disgraceful and she has gone down in my estimation for doing this.

Wow. This must be the judgiest thing I’ve ever read on here. He may well have consented. The point being you do not know. This family is going through hell. Why would you judge and attack like this, when you’ve no clue about what was behind this, what consent was given, or the rationale?

Is it for money?

I hope they were paid!

He's clearly come a long way even since all the filming that was shown from November, Kate mentioned that he was even able to play a game with their son so I think it's been shown now for a reason, and that will be because he has been able to give consent.
It was absolutely gut wrenching to watch and I feel unbelievably sad for all involved, their lives have been changed forever and I think it was so important to show his story.
As an aside it was so lovely to see a celebrity living a 'normal' life, no flashy car or house, she really seems so down to earth.

Kate Garraway comes into my partners work most mornings and she's always been such a kind and nice lady, really sad to see her like this even now she still puts on a smile. I'd be devastated, I think telling this story is important so people can see how hard Covid can hit.

I also think it speaks wider to what it's like to care for someone with profound disabilities- their house being adapted, the stress and emotion, and that's with some money (although as a single parent, being the only wage earner is very stressful). Caring for Derek, if she gave up her job, would wear her out, she already looks exhausted. Lots of people live that life, for brain injury, damage, after strokes, children with ongoing disabilities, I think it's great to shine a light even though their experience isn't completely typical. Caring for someone with an altered personality, and altered body and altered needs- it's incredibly hard. I think he would be able to consent, but even if he couldn't, she could make a decision about that, she might have a good idea of what he wanted.

Let's not judge the struggling family shall we? She knows her husband and it was clear by the end that he is able to give informed consent.

The emotions in his face were devastating and I truly feel for them all. I hope he continues to improve.

@NutellaEllaElla

Let's not judge the struggling family shall we? She knows her husband and it was clear by the end that he is able to give informed consent.

The emotions in his face were devastating and I truly feel for them all. I hope he continues to improve.

👍

I also have experience of fluctuating consent- people are assumed to have capacity unless they absolutely clearly don't have capacity- and for someone with a brain condition, this can be patchy and only in some instances (e.g. Derek probably couldn't make good decisions about money, although I don't know that for sure). He is fairly lucid occasionally and seems to have good comprehension of his own (awful) condition, I feel like having both been in the media eye over the past twenty years (I remember Derek Draper from his political days) that he would be ok with being part of this and know what it entailed. They may also have taken the view that being part of the media circus, and doing a documentary/book was helpful/cathartic for Kate, as she controls what's shown, the interest wouldn't go away- see Schumacher, he's often on the front page of the Mail, former colleagues have written about him, there's a purient interest in obtaining photos of him 'now' even though the family went the opposite route in terms of publicity.

I think Kate's amazing but I do wonder when she's going to crash. She loves Derek so much and yet he's not her husband in the same way anymore and that's a hard hard burden to bear.

I used to know Derek and I think he would give his consent freely. Media was his business for a long time. I also assume he did give it; it's not something the legal team behind the production would have overlooked.

I don't know Kate at all but she's clearly a strong person and I hope they're both able to build a good future life.

It was a very affecting program and I can't judge someone in her situation. She knows and loves her husband best.
Something I couldn't understand though and would be interested to know - why can't Derek go home? Of course he would need carers and adaptations, but the hospital is keeping him in until December. He seems to be able to breathe unaided, and the mental confusion he's suffering is surely exacerbated by being in hospital surroundings with everyone in masks etc so I would assume it would be beneficial for him to be in his familiar home surrounded by family? And I imagine he might then be able to access more services like physio and psychotherapy that maybe the hospital don't have the resources to provide all the time? I don't know. It just seems to me he would benefit from being at home.

cosmopolitan my guess, but I don't know, is that he requires some type of daily medical care which would be very difficult to provide at home given all his other disabilities/lack of consciousness/inability to move (e.g. kidney dialysis). My guess is that he's really fluctuating, and wouldn't be able to cooperate with his own care in terms of moving himself, and so it's easier to do that in a hospital- the fact they haven't shunted him off to a care home makes me think there's still outstanding medical issues which need addressing and not just care needs.

I do agree though that being in a hospital, and not being able to physically see Kate must be terrible for him- why can she not do daily Covid swabs and go in and see him, just one to one. I find that the worst part of this and my guess is she'll have the vaccines very quickly and then be able to go in. The separation of people with brain issues such as dementia/limited cognitive capacity from those they love has been one of the worst aspects of the pandemic, it's a form of torture as they are not able to understand why on earth their family can't be with them often, or retain that knowledge.

Absolutely agree @SignsofSpring, my own aunt's health and dementia deteriorated massively over lockdown and ultimately led to her death. Everything before and after her death was so much worse because of lockdown, for her and my mom who cared for her.

Yes it must be awful for both of them
I don't know how often she's been able to see him in hospital