Avoided affair / EA but so sad

[Lurcherloves]

Know I’m going to get flamed but I chose not to develop a relationship with someone at work who I have overwhelming feelings for. I have suffered all year with guilt and trying to avoid / not feel that way. It’s clear to both of us it’s a no go, which is in many ways is a relief as I know it’s the right thing. However I just feel so sad about it. How long til that passes

I think that you need to talk to your spouse.

At the very least you need to have more communication and to work on your marriage if that's what you want.

You need to cut out all contact outside of work related stuff with this other person. And you need to be really honest with yourself about if you really need to talk to them about work stuff or you are just looking for excuses.

I'd be looking at relate for your own relationship.

You should ask MNHQ to move this to Relationships for you @Lurcherloves

You've done the right thing

Not the easy thing though

This too shall pass.

I was in a similar position, and it took a couple of years for the physical feelings to subside. First year was particularly painful.

I hadn't feit like that since I was in my early twenties, it was overwhelming strange. Three years on, I still see him, as he is a family friend, but I feel more fondness than anything.

Thank you. I don’t talk to him outside of work and you are right that I should consider whether communication at work is actually necessary
I heard once that the pain of discipline weighs ounces the pain of regret weighs tonnes. I guess this is just the ounces
Meant to post this in relationships I will ask for it to be moved