Long Lost Family foundlings

[Onefliesoverthecuckoosnest]

Just thought I would let everyone know that there are two Long Lost Family specials tonight and tomorrow on ITV1. They are following three foundlings and tracing their families using DNA.

Definitely worth a watch.

That's so sad HollowTalk. Can't get my head around it.

La La La, not reading for spoilers, but I watched last nights and cried, is there another tonight, I daren't read the thread.

@HollowTalk

And then to learn she'd almost immediately had two more! I think the reunion hadn't gone well - his mum couldn't explain herself really.

I wonder if he had tricky behavioural issues as a small child and she just couldn’t cope with him? Or maybe something like she’d had an affair or been raped and he wasn’t her husband’s child? I can’t fathom why she would get rid of just one of her DC after him being there 4 years and continue to have more babies after that.

No, he was her husband's child - the DNA tests had been done. She said he hadn't been naughty. His adoptive parents had died, which is why he thought he'd try to find his birth family. There was nothing about behaviour in the social worker records. He really did want to find a reason for it, so had looked at everything. I think his parents decided five was too many, so let's get rid of one, and just chose him. Of course having two more quickly afterwards doesn't make sense with that. It was awful for the poor guy.

God that’s just awful. Poor guy indeed. He’ll live with that torment all his days.

Yesterday's one. They said she had a full sibling called Stephen. They seemed very vague about him. I wonder what his view on it all was. Did he know about his full sibling or want to meet up with her?

Yes, I noticed that about Stephen. I didn't know how long he'd lived with his dad. They didn't say they were no longer in touch though, did they?

That was a very strange set up, having the two women living together with the husband.

My dad’s adopted - he did meet his mother eventually but he’s never known his father. Mother and and baby home involved . Researching it online - just sticking his name into an ancestry thing - was a big mistake as discovered things around his adoption that I don’t think he knows . I wish I hadn’t done .

Reading my dad’s adoptive papers is interesting though, they talk about trying to adopt a sibling, potential sibling is named and described . I’ve always wondered what happened to her and hope she has had a happy adoption, she’d be about 60 now . I don’t have a clue how you’d ever find out, and I know my dad and siblings would be very uncomfortable - it’s not a discussed subject at all .

How do you find things out on ancestors? I get that can trace your family tree but how do you find out the extra details?

@HollowTalk

Yes, I noticed that about Stephen. I didn't know how long he'd lived with his dad. They didn't say they were no longer in touch though, did they?

That was a very strange set up, having the two women living together with the husband.

Fi’s half Sister said the woman moved in with Stephen who was a year or so younger than Fi. (I think Fi was born in 1961?) and that the woman then moved north in the mid 70’s so it sounds like Stephen was there until his early teens. She also said Stephen was with his father when he died.

It was Scotland’s People I used (Scottish family), that’s considerably easier and more detailed than searches for English relatives which costs a fortune - you need to apply for the relevant certificate in England and pay, whereas in Scotland it’s all done online and considerably cheaper .

Was given dads adoption papers years ago via family, they’re not available except I guess to the adoptee themselves . Even then I don’t know if social services hold them for a very long time - I’ve been in care and told social work routinely destroy files after ten years . Goodness knows if that applies to adoption - I sincerely hope not . It’s a difficult one as lots of adoptions back then done via churches instead .

I’ve been in care and told social work routinely destroy files after ten years

That couldn’t be true. Care and social services record need to be accessible going back years.

Yesterday's one. They said she had a full sibling called Stephen. They seemed very vague about him. I wonder what his view on it all was. Did he know about his full sibling or want to meet up with her?

I'm pretty sure they said she was going to meet up with him. It sounded like a very bizarre home set up in that family.

smallsteps thank you - I’ve always been too scared to pursue it but often wonder if there’s some answers for me thats been kept in records .

Certainly ask for your records if you want to know. Don’t be put off by thinking they won’t exist.

The one last night, sounded like Stephen was kept (tolerated) because he was a boy given that Dad already had 3 girls.

I had a horrible feeling that the father, Stanley, was an abuser and there was a lot more that went on there. The sister had a sort of guarded look in her eyes like she wasn't saying everything at all.

@chubbyhotchoc I got a very guarded impression from the sister as well.
There was obviously a lot more that hasn't been said.
The fact he moved his lover and child in with the family shows that he obviously had quite some control over them.
It's strange that there wasn't much info from the mothers side. Maybe when she meets up with her full brother she will get more answers.

Am I the only one who finds this programme somewhat exploitative? Both the foundling last night had to take in so much (traumatic) information on camera, and the release of information is given when the cameras are directly in their faces.
And, yes, some very strange stories. Possibly abusive or certainly controlling birth parents. Too much to take in.
I wonder what experienced adoption counsellors feel about this programme?

I think the participants can opt out of the reveal being filmed.

@joeyitsestelle

smallsteps thank you - I’ve always been too scared to pursue it but often wonder if there’s some answers for me thats been kept in records

You may be surprised, depending on how old you are. A friend of mine, his daughter got pregnant and had the baby adopted. He wrote a letter to be placed the the baby's file explaining the circumstances and what they went through in case they wanted to access their records.

Just caught up with these two programmes. They’re some of the most interesting, and complicated stories I think ever on Long Last Families. They have reunited adopted siblings before (ie. both siblings were adopted), but these stories were really tangled.

Such an interesting programme, I always love LLF but these two episodes have been fascinating. The man who had six older siblings, I just wept for him. How sad to lose out on being in that family for all those years.

I did find it strange how forgiving the siblings were. If I discovered that my parents had gone on to have another child which they abandoned I can't imagine my brother and I having a happy chat about how "they must have had their reasons" and glossing over it. Obviously I suppose there must have been conversations which took place off camera but everyone seemed fine with what had happened.

I also wonder that no one noticed the mother was pregnant again. Maybe the other siblings were too young to notice or she hid it very well. Presumably she must have hidden her pregnancy or other neighbours would have wondered what happened to the baby.

I watched this on catch out of curiousity becasue I have found earlier versions of this programme uncomfortable, or as someone up thread said exploitative. And I think in follow up programmes things haven't turned out well. So many undercurrents and what seemed like certainty about identity challenged.

I was really interested to find out how in the case of foundlings any relatives could be found.

But then I started thinking after watching both of these, that because they are using online databases to match DNA it is almost more likely that they will trace families with the sort of complicated stories these 2 programmes found ie a couple with other children who for some reason abandon another baby.

It must be much harder to trace relatives were the foundling was as the result of a one night stand or worse still a rape.

I was just thinking of the rows of photos they had of people who were also foundlings who presumably no relatives had been found.