What's the Matter with Tony Slattery

[LotusFlowers]

Did anyone watch this Horizon documentary on BBC2 just now? It's really moved me and I thought it was an incredible piece of tv.

The impact of childhood trauma clearly shown to impact his entire life, even at the age of 60. I found it frustrating that the doctors only started asking about possibly trauma so near to the end of the programme and I desperately wanted him to start regular talking therapy. The bipolar expert suggested alcohol was the central problem, but whilst I agreed he'd do so much good to stop drinking, I felt that he was too scared to stop whilst the childhood trauma hadn't been dealt with. He was using drink to numb those feelings of guilt and shame so associated with childhood abuse. Terrible stuff.

As an adult with a history of childhood trauma I only managed to control my drinking once I'd made some initial headway in the therapy. I would never have had the incentive to stop otherwise as I didn't believe there was ever a way out of the trauma.

Anyway, massive respect to Tony Slattery for his bravery in confronting this and what a wonderful gem of a husband he has- they were the definition of true love. Well done BBC for a programme with such integrity.

Forgot this was on. Thanks for the reminder- will watch on catch up tomorrow

I haven't seen this show but I read two very good articles about his life recently and he drinks because of the childhood abuse no doubt, or got in to that habit. He is very honest.

Oh Peacock I hope you enjoy it. It's one of the best things I've seen in lockdown. Worth the license fee.

What an excellent program that was.
I really wanted a part 2- to find out more- it was such an interesting journey. Sensitive filming.

It was frustrating that the childhood trauma came up so late. As someone who had read the Guardian article, I was shouting C-PTSD anyone? at the TV.

It was only the Belfast psychiatrist who seemed to take a truely trauma-informed approach.

He's an alcoholic, that's what wrong with him. It was clear from the beginning.

Such a wasted talent and obviously had little help with his problem when he needed it.
Thought the relationship with his partner seemed to be a little co-dependent, though they are clearly in love.

@mrmagoo yes he's an alcoholic, that and the drugs have clearly impacted his life, but I believe it all stems from the awful abuse he suffered as a child. I think it's very brave to do this excellent show.

Agree @IamHyouweegobshite the alcohol dependency clearly stemmed from his lack of tools to deal with the trauma that took place. Years of numbing it out. You could hear in his use of language the shame and guilt that had been festering in him all those years. Thinking that talking about it was self-indulgent. This is almost exactly what happened to me. It's too simplistic to simply say the problem is he's an "alcoholic".

Very moving piece. Was on twitter when the Guardian piece first posted, and his shock at the love out there for him was heart breaking. You can tell how lovely he is by his beloved staying with him all this time. And yes - classic "abused" speak feeling guilty and self-indulgent for even wanting to think that could be a factor in his illness.

It was very moving. I thought his partner was just lovely and he seems such a sweet man too. I am glad they have each other.

I thought the dynamic between him and Stephen Fry was interesting. He seemed like an awestruck boy around him, but also slightly wary.

He was so quick witted and talented and it's so awful to see him struggling in this way. I hope he is able to get off the booze and move forward.

It was very sensitively done, I agree. Sometimes I feel a bit grubby if I watch a programme about someone's real life struggles, but not at all last night.

TS has been tangled up in a web of issues for a long time and the programme showed that it's not too late to start to unravel some of the strands. Acknowledging that he had already demonstrated the strength to kick the cocaine habit looked to be a real revelation to him - I hope he can build on that strength and make progress.

Self destructive behaviours are often the result of childhood trauma; his comment about dwelling on it being self indulgent was so very sad. It was a brave thing to do, laying himself bare, after so many years of privacy, and in my opinion shows that he’s desperate to change his circumstances.

I experienced childhood trauma too and drank to block it out. I am early 50s so a bit younger than TS but it was never explained to me that I was experiencing emotional pain, it was all about being "depressed". I also self-harmed and was told that I couldn't be provided with help until I stopped, which even then seemed pretty bloody stupid.

I only really learned in the last few years that emotional pain is experienced in the same part of the brain as physical pain, and cannot be easily "cured" by just thinking about it, it's a physiological matter of rewiring neural pathways, which takes a while and depends on our relationships. It's really wasn't my fault that I couldn't think my way out of it. When you think of the parallels between physical pain and emotional pain it's not surprising that people use drugs or alcohol to block it out - I think it's easier to conceive that you might do anything to get rid of physical pain, and makes it more understandable that people would also do anything to get rid of emotional pain. It probably seems difficult to understand if you haven't experienced it, but certainly in my early 20s when I first left home and I was finally away from the abuse I would sometimes be feeling things so intensely I would scream in pain. Of course then you get told you're attention seeking and can't you pull yourself together, when it is actually physiologically impossible.

In some ways this whole early 20s period was much more traumatic and damaging for me than the childhood abuse. I tried many times to get help but was turned away and had to cope alone. I often wonder how different my life would have been if someone had understood. The Body Keeps The Score is a brilliant book that explains all this.

Was the Belfast psychotherapist Owen O'Kane? I'm listening to his book on audible now.

I had to turn it off it was too sad

This type of programme would usually make me feel as if I was intruding but I didn't feel anything but admiration for Tony Slattery for being so open and honest. I get what he means about feeling self indulgent talking about his abuse. I felt a little ray of hope at the end when they said he'd reduced his alcohol intake. I really hope things will improve for him.

TabbyStar thank you for your post, I will get that book.

I'd wondered, fleetingly, over the years, about TS, so the programme was a not-to-miss one and marvelled at how easily he'd kicked heroin. Good for him and I'm pleased he has his supporting and loving partner.
One laugh out loud moment was "Our Father which art in Heaven, How are You today?" This got him a clout around the head at school, but ...
I have/had 2 family members who are/were alcoholics. One died, here in England, years ago, the other one in America, quit with AA and is now a Mentor to someone, tho he acknowledges that, although he's been clean for years, he is still and always will be, an alcoholic who just doesn't drink atm or use alcohol in cooking,for example, any more.You really need to want to quit. I DO hope that TS will arrive at this state, he's got a lot to live for

It was very moving. Regarding the abuse, as an 8 year old he must have been injured physically. How did his parents etc not notice?! Shocking.

I found this so heartbreaking. I noticed that he said a psychiatrist he'd seen years back said some things are best left buried. Whoever the idiot was, he did incalculable damage. I wanted to scoop him up, give him a hug & tell him talking about it would really help. The addiction lady was great too, pointing out he'd managed to end one addiction meant it was possible to do it with another. It's never to late to address psychological issues, I so hope he gets the right help now

Just finished this and loved it. I remember him in the 90s and he was everywhere, very popular. I had not given him a second thought and seeing him on this programme was shocking. There were moments I could see the old Tony Slattery but mostly I saw a man who was unrecognisable from the one I used to watch.

Very moving, very honest. He seems like a lovely man.

When I was 17 I was in love with TS!! I had pictures of him cut from the Radio Times on my wall, I dreamt about him, still have every episode of Whose Line is It Anyway on VHS in the attic (even though they are all on All4). In fact, me and my pal went to London to watch him on stage in The Great Big Radio Show ( I think).

Amazing programme to watch.

The psych in Southampton was lovely. So non judgey and empathetic. I hope Tony slattery (always think of Nicola Battersby from Victoria Wood) continues to make positive progress. His husband was terrific.

CSIblonde I work with a lot of people who have suffered childhood trauma and for some people burying it is a reasonable coping method. Some things are just too painful and traumatic to be able to deal with and somehow get through the day, going to work, paying bills etc.
That advice may not have been "idiotic" at the time, what was clear from the program that TS appears to be ready to deal with his issues now and that is the key thing, the person has to be psychologically ready to address past trauma and it has to be done safely.
There is a misconception that talking about things makes it better, that is not always the case in more extreme traumatic experiences.

Mrscaindingle I work in mental health, I'm a Counsellor & my partner is also in MH, as is a family member.

I've never heard a psychiatrist say things are best left buried. What they would say, is I can see your coping mechanism is burying something traumatic, but at some point it will help to discuss it, as it will have impacted much of your life . I also have a close friend whose buried a devastating childhood incident & she fervently wishes she'd talked about it sooner as it compounded her shame burying it like a dirty secret. Talking about it lifted a 40year burden.

No, no one ever would tell someone "things are left buried" if someone was able and willing to face up to past trauma.
But it seemed as though TS had not been ready or willing to look too deeply into his past until now hence the program. The person who said this to him may have recognised this at the time is all I was saying.
I have worked in mental health as a nurse and now CBT practitioner for 25 years and have seen many people who are not psychologically ready to do this work and when people are very vulnerable or unstable it's often not safe to continue.