My ds15 won't get off his computer

[laraDiller]

My ds15 has just been playing his computer and won't get off it all he does is play the computer from after school to when he goes to bed and all weekends
Has anyone got a way to stop this
Thanks for your advice

Take it away. Or if he's playing online, change the wifi code and don't let him have the new one. Let him gradually earn it back, but for set amounts of time each day.

But surely he would then start to rebel and really dislike me which is some thing I don't want?

Well you can't just let him do what he wants for fear he won't like you

Lock it in your car boot/ put it in the loft when he’s at school.
Who cares if he doesn’t like you....you’re his (I assume) parent, he’s not your best friend, he’s your child. Let him strop, if he gets violent, phone the police.
Parent him.

You need to restrict his access and also to provide/encourage alternative activities. So turn it off but substitute an activity he likes that you prefer him to engage in.
Just removing it with no alternative will just result in a bored resentful teen

You also need to set clear expectations around his life skills and household contributions. He could do jobs (hoover, washing up, cook a meal etc) to earn computer time which also means he's developing life skills and won't grow up with the mindset that his needs are magically provided for whilst he can spend all day gaming

*You need to restrict his access and also to provide/encourage alternative activities. So turn it off but substitute an activity he likes that you prefer him to engage in.
Just removing it with no alternative will just result in a bored resentful teen

You also need to set clear expectations around his life skills and household contributions. He could do jobs (hoover, washing up, cook a meal etc) to earn computer time which also means he's developing life skills and won't grow up with the mindset that his needs are magically provided for whilst he can spend all day gaming*

This ^^

But surely he would then start to rebel and really dislike me which is some thing I don't want?

🤣 if that has been the basis for you parenting for the last 15 years, good luck changing it now.

Turn off the wifi!

Take the fuse out of the plug, then he just think it is broken

Tell him that you’re concerned for his well-being and that being on the computer for 7 or whatever hours a day is not good for him.
Ask him what he thinks and what would help him. Maybe he’s willing to make some changes.
If he isn’t, then you’ll just have to take it away and keep telling him that you’re doing this because you love him and want the best for him and not because you want him to be miserable.
It will probably not make a difference to his attitude right now but it will when he reflects on it one day in the future.

Does he stop and join in family meals and activities? Is he completing his school home work etc? Start with these as a basic. Encouraging him to have friends round and do a regular hobby/sport plus getting him involved with cooking. I think it is important to replace the computer time with something rather than just ban it/pull the plug.

As a gamer I would rather have a long time gaming one day and absolutely no gaming another vs limiting screen time to an hour a day. By the time an hour has past you might only have just gotten into something.

Could you say that three/four days a week have to be non gaming days but let him choose which days? Then he might feel like he still has some choice.

You're his parent not his pal.
You simply can't have him "not liking you" at the top of your list.

Perhaps he won't like you if you don't buy him beer, how about if he wants to skip school to hang out with his mates, or smoke, or or or...

There are times when our children bloody hate us for the decisions we make. But that's just tough shit. It's our job.

I really believe that when we parent the 5 year old, we parent the 15 year old.

What's his personality like? Mine is 13 and would quite happily sit on his xbox for hours on end. What I've done is chat with him about it and together we've come up with a workable plan. He's restricted during the week and he's free to do what he wants on the weekend. As we often go out as a family or he sees friends, it's regulated anyway. And during the week he is to be off without argument by 7pm. In due course I will introduce 2 nights off during the week - and I'll do this in good time for GCSEs starting

Of course he thinks he's had loads of say in this but the reality is Ive imposed what I want but under the guise of him having input and is chatting it through

Could you try something like this?

What does he say when you speak to him? TBH my son (16) is on his PC or playstation a lot but it's his way of playing with his friends (that is real life school friends). They self police and don't spend ALL their time on it.

BTW love that you've put this in Telly Addicts OP.

You seem very concerned about you child liking you OP, but this isn’t the role you should play as a parent.
You should be guiding and showing how to make good choices.

I wouldn’t take the computer away, because they will just find another way to play; however, I would look at why they are on it so often, can you sign them up to other clubs etc to get them out

My DS 15 would do this if I let him but I normally give him a time limit. After school he has to do homework first if he has any. Also I try to get him to come off by 8.30pm otherwise he would be on in till bed time and he always has to come off to come for dinner. Lots of times I’ve just switched the Wi-fi off when I’ve given him about a million warnings and he still won’t come off,. I agree with having Xbox free days. We normally only manage one or two but I asked my DS to chose what days which seems to have worked better. It’s really hard as my DS seems to have a complete personality change when he’s on his Xbox and is a lot more aggressive. Tbh I wish we had never got him the flipping thing!