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Original poster

Kati, adopted from China: BBC 'Meet Me on the Bridge'

23 replies

WestleyAndButtockUp · 12/12/2017 07:15

BBC documentary about American Kati going to China aged 20 to meet her biological parents.

'...When Qian Fenxiang gave birth to her second child in 1995 ... her husband ... Xu Lida, under the cover of night, took her to an outdoor market, where he abandoned her. “We didn’t want to abandon her on the street. We had no choice,” Xu Lida left an emotional note with his child, for whomever would find her.

“Our daughter, Jingzhi, was born at 10 a.m. on the 24th day of the seventh month of the lunar calendar, 1995,” the note read. “We have been forced by poverty and affairs of the world to abandon her. Oh, pity the hearts of fathers and mothers far and near! Thank you for saving our little daughter and taking her into your care. If the heavens have feelings, if we are brought together by fate, then let us meet again on the Broken Bridge in Hangzhou on the morning of the Qixi Festival in 10 or 20 years from now.”

OP posts:
Original poster
WestleyAndButtockUp · 12/12/2017 07:17
25 min BBC film.
OP posts:
Original poster
WestleyAndButtockUp · 12/12/2017 20:02

I don't know whether this was broadcast recently or not. My impression is that it is recent

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MayFayner · 12/12/2017 20:38

Thank you for posting that. What a moving story.

Dozer · 12/12/2017 20:40

Wow. Did they meet up?

Original poster
WestleyAndButtockUp · 12/12/2017 20:49

They did indeed meet up. Both sets of parents seemed more emotional, and emotionally open, than Kati.

I'd love to know more about what she was thinking; but at the same time, I'm aware that she has private emotions and thoughts, and there's a lot of people in Britain and China and USA who are analysing all of the people involved.

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bellweather · 12/12/2017 20:50

Yes they did
Very moving story

The 1 child policy in China has devastated so many families Sad

MollyHuaCha · 12/12/2017 20:56

I watched this video with tears in my eyes. I've been to that bridge a few times and recognized it instantly. Seeing the parents meet their daughter there made me well up.

I empathize with all sides - Kati, the original parents, the adoptive parents. It should never have happened and is just so heart wrenching.

LizzieSiddal · 12/12/2017 21:02

Has it been on the tv yet?

FairyPenguin · 12/12/2017 21:33

I have just downloaded it from iplayer and watched it. So heartbreaking for the birth parents. Must be very difficult for everyone with the language and cultural barrier.

Joinourclub · 12/12/2017 21:37

I watched this earlier and had a cry. I thought she seemed very mature and strong and kind. She was meeting her biological parents more for their sake initially, than for her own. And she allowed them to release their emotions. So that probably meant she had to hold hers in check. She also of course had her adopted parents emotions to consider!

Joinourclub · 12/12/2017 21:38

I'm not sure if it was actually broadcast, I came across it on the BBC news page.

LizzieSiddal · 12/12/2017 21:51

Thank you I have just downloaded it in iplayer.

It was mentioned on Radio 4 at the weekend and meant to find it but forgot. Thank you for reminding me!

Roomba · 13/12/2017 10:13

I watched this and thought it was heartbreaking too.

It also made me think about the recent BBC documentary about the Chinese twin girls who were adopted by two separate families - one in the US and one in Norway (the orphanage denied they were related when the families bumped into each other when collecting their babies, but DNA tests proved they were). That was also fascinating and very moving. It was called something like Twins - A World Apart, I think?

Original poster
WestleyAndButtockUp · 13/12/2017 15:21

Oh yes, that was fantastic

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Thetreesareallgone · 13/12/2017 15:56

Thanks for posting this, what an amazing and touching story.

Thetreesareallgone · 13/12/2017 16:02

Such a mature and lovely girl as well. Her adoptive family should be incredibly proud of her. Her birth family obviously never forgot her too.

Original poster
WestleyAndButtockUp · 13/12/2017 19:46

I'd love to know more about what her emotions were. I wonder if there are follow-up interviews, or news. It's been two years since she met the Chinese parents, I think. (And the doc concluded by saying she had been studying mandarin)

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BelfastBloke · 15/12/2017 21:54

That other Chinese twin girls doc was incredible. One growing up in USA, one in Norway.

With that doc, and this one, I keep thinking about language. Of course the girls should learn Mandarin, but I bet that's not easy to really facilitate, if you know nothing about it.

papayasareyum · 15/12/2017 22:04

the fascinating thing about the twins who were adopted by families in Norway and the USA, that even though they went to entirely different families and were raised in markedly different ways, their fundamental personalities and characters were so so very similar. It kind of proved the nature above nurture theory massively.

SpringSnowdrop · 16/12/2017 08:51

Did anyone else feel sad at the adoptive parents not being far more honest and communicative to her? I felt they just wanted her for themselves and never really thought about her feelings or how to help her talk about her biological family , I got the impression it was a closed topic.
It just broke my heart to see the pain of her biological parents and when it was clear they loved her quite so much I’d have been determined to reach out to them even if just to let them know how she was, if they felt she was too young, and to be honest I would have wanted her to know she’d been loved so much by her biological parents too and explained the letter and that she had a special position of two families loving her so much ?

HarktheHarold · 20/12/2017 09:31

Thank you for posting the link, OP. I have a now teenaged DD adopted as a baby from China and it was very interesting to listen to the bio parents' side of the story and get an insight into their feelings. I often wonder about my DD's birth family but they left no note or any information about her or themselves.

I think the adoptive parents are products of the US inter-country adoption system. I'm generalising here but the preparation for parents is not nearly as rigorous as it is in the UK. Amongst many US adoption agencies there is (or was) a belief that you are rescuing a child from a Chinese institution and they are very lucky to become US citizens. Celebrate Chinese New Year with them, send the to Mandarin classes (if you want) and focus your efforts on integrating them into their new lives. The latter is actually very good advice. My DD very much sees herself as a British girl with Chinese ethnicity.

I'm rambling now, I think I just wanted to say try not to be too judgemental of the adoptive parents. They did make an effort to give reassurances about their child to the Chinese couple and the representative they sent to the bridge took an enormous personal risk. And whilst I have compassion for the birth family, they clearly had no respect for the personal boundaries of the daughter they abandoned.

BelfastBloke · 20/12/2017 15:16

If you don't mind saying, HarkTheHarold, what connections has your daughter made with Chinese culture throughout her life in Britain?

HarktheHarold · 20/12/2017 16:42

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