Is anyone watching Finding Me a Family ?

[Italiangreyhound]

Finding Me a Family is on now on Channel 4.

Very, very moving.

As italian says prospective adopters have to go through a wealth of rigorous checks, assessments and training before being approved to adopt. It is only once approved - by an adoption agency (charity) or local authority - that family finding can begin. Whilst I think I can understand where your view of this family finding as 'shopping' is coming from I can't agree with it. This type of adoption activity day is only one tiny piece of the family finding jigsaw. It is simply not the case that prospective adopters have a nice little list of 'oh I want a child with brown hair, blue eyes, about 3ft, smiley face' etc and just turn up and go 'hmm I think I'd like that child please'.

Matching children in care to adoptive families is not an exact science but please be assured that a significant amount of work goes on behind the scenes to ensure the matches have the best chances of success for the children involved.

Cross post with italian but basically echoing everything she says!

I am sure if people feel they just want a child then they would, in theory, think any child available would be fine. And if this is genuinely true then fabulous. But most of us have strengths and weaknesses and matching takes into account these strengths and tries to fit together prospective adopters who will be able to meet the needs of the children.

The reason any of this may sound like 'shopping' (it is not as no money changes place and one is not purchasing a child, even in overseas adoption where one does pay, a lot, the money is for all the services around the adoption), in the UK there is no payment. The fact is there is an element of matching.

We experienced Adoption days where you did not meet the children but instead had the chance to meet some foster carers, some social workers etc. (I can't remember what these were called!) One is literally faced with a 100 pieces of water or more, all featuring a child with their basic information and it does all feel very odd. Honestly it does.

However, when you get to the point of saying yes, I want to proceed with this child, you have basically made a decision to commit to a child for life. This decision is usually made before you meet the child and sometimes before you even see a photo of the child.

Of course, this happens naturally when you have a birth child (I have a birth child too) but I think the way things work in this country are good. The whole process revolves around the best match for that individual child.

100 pieces of water paper!

I'm really torn about these days. I can see the hope and disappointment and how it might affect an older child that nobody wanted them but also the positives.

When my parents were matched for adoption which sadly broke down due to other issues this is what happened.

They received info about them
We went to the local Woolworths cafe and their Foster parent did too so literally we saw them but weren't allowed to speak to them.
My parents met them without me
Then placement started with a day visit and then within a short time they were staying over night.

Perhaps if we had had opportunity like the days it would have been realised that the youngest being terrified of men and not be able to live with a family with men in it She had a female social worker and a female Foster carer.

And I have to say when my parents met them it was at the Foster carers house who wasn't very nice, for a very short time. From what I know the two children sat on the sofa and never moved or spoke.

I thought the activity days looked really good.

Much better to meet the child face to face, with fun activities all prepared - I can imagine you'd get a much better idea of the child, how you relate to them, whether there's that 'connection'. I can't imagine the alternative of having to plough through 100s of written profiles.

DH and I have often talked about the possibility of fostering in the future. We have a spare room, could afford it, both really want to give a loving home to children who haven't had the chances they deserve in life. This programme made me want to investigate different options. I thought it was brilliant!

It broke my heart that those 4 little kiddies are likely to be separated in the new year. All I could think of is how awful it must be for the older kids to be taken from the younger siblings.

My children went to 3 of these parties after being in care for over a year as it was seen as the best way to find them a family. They are a sibling group and my son was 5- both with a history of trauma and behaviour problems. They were also due to be split up in the New Year but luckily we were matched with them in the October. We didn't attend any parties at all and were matches with them through Linkmaker, but they knew that their Social Worker was ALWAYS looking for a forever family for them.

Them going to those parties and knowing there may be adopters there for them didn't seem to bother them.

That sibling group of 4 would be an absolutely massive undertaking. Whilst incredibly sad to split them, they may have a better chance at a forever family.

Xtrabroken I thibkvan activity day may have helped in your parents case.

hairday that is great to hear.

cabawill so glad you found your lovely little ones.

I think I actually felt more sorry for the other pair of boys who might be spilt. At least of the four were split it might be into two twos. By Kye and Mickey (is that right names?), if split would be alone. Still might be best for them but still very sad.

I loved this!!!! Made me cry though but ultimately I thought it was a good programme. I did wonder about the foster parent of the four kiddies, if she’d considered adopting them herself. Will keep watching definitely. I did

FuckyNellYaBastad maybe the foster carer would like to take all four but how could she afford to suddenly pay for four kids for the next 12- 18 years.Foster carers get an allowance for the kids.

It's heartbreaking they may be split up but it is not really for the foster carer to say either way.

I grew up in care from being a baby, and was split up from my 11 siblings so this will be an emotional watch for me, but I’m looking forward to it in a weird kind of way.

As I haven’t watched it yet but rather just read your comments, I see there is a sibling group on the programme. This reminds me of not only my negative experience, but also of a very happy one! When I was living in my last Children’s unit, a family of 6 arrived - toddler age through to young teenager. They were so close and had been through so much that all the social workers were adamant they needed to stay together. It took 3 years (by which time I had left) but they were eventually all fostered together into a very lovely home. I never met those foster parents but I often think of them and how wonderful they must have been

Hastings what a lovely memory.

I'm sorry for your experience Hastings did you and your siblings manage to stay in touch?

Italian thanks, but no need for sympathy

One of my birth sisters and I were placed together as young children, but we were then separated, for various reasons, and I think, looking back, that it was the right call. I had sporadic contact with one birth brother over about 10 years, then he joined the army and we lost touch. I think I met another sister and brother at some point, but can’t remember when or where.

And yes, a lovely memory

Hastings you sound amazingly strong.

Hastings you weren't up North were you?
My parents fostered two birth sisters who had 10/11 siblings with a view to adopting them until social services decided to split them up because of needs relating to one of them.
My Dad in particular was heartbroken and carried the girls photos for years.

The girls names began with C and R.

Wow that would be a turn up dog eh?

I know FuckyNell
I'm aware that if it is Hastings they might not want to reply and that's fine (I have name changed for this myself) or that her memories of that time might be different from ours but the girls we had were very much wanted and it was an awful time. My parents hate social services as a result which could prove interesting as one of my teens is already discussing adopting.

I am up North Dog but I don’t think we’re connected. Wrong initials and the various foster families I had only had sons - apologies, I’m presuming you’re female

That would have been an awesome twist though.

Actually, hang on - you mean your parents could have fostered my siblings? I don’t know al their names, but I know one was M. North East

Oooh 😲