Forget where this is from, but it may give Brandyandcoke some tips on what to suggest!
THINGS YOU LEARN BY WATCHING SOAPS
You never have to go further than your local street/ square to find a job, house or wife/husband.
Just because somebody killed your boyfriend 18 months ago, doesn't mean you won't fall in love with him and marry him.
Dead people are forgotten about within 2 weeks and never mentioned again.
Nobody owns a washing machine - they all go to the launderette.
Nobody makes cups of tea at home - they buy them in the local cafe.
Having no job and no money doesn't stop you eating and drinking at the local pub and cafe five nights a week.
If you leave your mobile phone on a table somewhere, you will either miss the most important call of your life, or your wife/husband will answer the phone to your lover.
In bed, a woman will sit up wrapping a sheet round her breasts, even though the only other person in the room is the man she has just been shagging. Similarly, men always have sex wearing pants.
If you have a secret that will destroy your life, you must always tell it to one other person.
When someone dies in hospital, there will only ever be a half-hearted attempt to resuscitate them.
People with very ordinary jobs have glamorous clothes, nice houses and good cars.
If you need a job, or some money to start up your small business, you will always know a neighbour/friend you can ask for help.
If you have a baby, take it to the pub and you'll know someone there to "keep an eye" on it.
Labour takes place on a bed, lying down, with no blood or other emissions visible.
If you want to arrange to meet someone, you don't need to say when or where - they will just guess.
You don't need to give anyone your telephone number either - they will just say "I'll call you".
If you are to be married to a gorgeous but totally unsuitable man, at the last minute the true love of your life (your "cheeky chappie" soulmate) will come running up the aisle to save you. This is despite several freak incidents occurring on the way to the church and almost preventing the reunion.
If anyone's in trouble with the law, they're always up in court 2 weeks later.
The local pub is the only place available (or needed) for weddings, christenings and other functions. Despite its popularity, it is always available.
If you need the doctor, you can just pop in and he'll see you straight away.
Everyone meets up in their lunch break, usually at the local pub.
Any reformed alcoholic/ drug user will always have a relapse.
Detectives can break a suspect with five minutes of relentless interrogation.
If you are depressed or have just suffered a traumatic event, go for a walk - it will rain. If you are happy, the sun will shine.