Do you use a 'naughty step'?

[gf71]

Hi
We've got a toddler but I've not yet tried any 'strategies' from telly programmes (I mean things like Supernanny, House of Tiny Tearaways, Brat Camp and so on) - have you? Did they work? Or do you watch them for any other reason? I am wondering why there are so many parenting programmes at the moment, and so much advice for us. What do you reckon? Is it all a conspiracy of some sort? Should we be afraid?!
cheers
gf71

I like the house of tiny tearaways better than supernanny and have used several of tanya's techniques. They seem to work v well.
I find super nanny too bossy and never tries to address the problems that the parents might have-- the kid is seen as the problem.
But that's just my personal opinion.

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No, do I buggery. Load of formulaic rubbage.

Yes, weird. Do we watch these progs for any other reasons than learning new techniques/strategies, do you reckon? Or all we all a bunch of nosey parkers...

Bluejelly- which techniques have you used?

Greensleeves - - funny. But why are the formulas so insistent - what do they want from us?!

I think the idea of a naughty step is just horrid and would never ever use one!

I try to use positive methods with my children. Praise for the good things every time they behave well. If things get out of hand I do use time out for us both to calm down.

I feel putting a child on a naughty step makes them feel naughty and lowers self esteem. The words naughty step make me cringe.

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I don't use a naughty step, but I do use 'sitting out', where the child just sits on a chair for a couple of minutes. Calms things down I find, and then you can have a chat about things. I don't make them go anywhere special. They play in the living room, and if it gets out of hand, they sit on the settee or chair in there. If they don't sit there, they are held on my knee, and I talk to them to try to calm them down. I started doing it because it's what they did at nursery with ds and we were going for consistency, and it worked so well that I use it with dd who doesn't go to nursery. If it's getting me het up I go into the kitchen and make a cup of tea. I tend to calm down in the time it takes to make it, and then I go back and deal with the mayhem. For minor paddies, I try to jolly them out of it. We have set-piece jokes that we use that defuse the tension for all of us. Because how I am feeling has a HUGE effect on hoe my children behave and how they respond to discipline.

I can't believe one size fits all when it comes to discipline. My two are very different and I have to tailor what I do to fit them, so where it is different children AND different parents, it must be even more individual.

I've used the word 'discipline' a lot, which sounds rather draconian, but you know what I mean!

That's interesting, both about the quick results issue, and the one-size-fits-all thing. So if we don't use the strategies much (or if they don't work for our individual cases) then why are we watching the shows?

I know for example that some of them (eg. Family Brat Camp last week) make me cry, because I find the emotional courage of some of the family members so moving. But does that mean I'm forgiven for my voyeurism? Is it nosey of us to watch the shows if we don't use the techniques they show us, or cry at the outcomes?

Is it really all about ratings or do you think 'they' want to help us for some reason?

I don't watch the programmes. They make me depressed.

I use sitting-out too, Jessi has a little chair and when she is getting too over-the-top and tantrummy, I ask her to go and sit and calm down for 2 minutes.

Invariably, she sits for 30 secs, and then starts laughing, we ask her to say sorry (which she interprets as a hug and kiss) and then we are back to normal.

Usually have to use this method once every other day or so. Jessi is 2.3

We have "the stairs" and for very bad "behind the gate"... mainly so that she is out of harms reach (from me) than anything else (or should that be ??)

The techniques I use are
*postive parenting-- generally being very upbeat and positive about all that they do which isn't naughty, constantly telling them how wonderful they are etc
*sticker charts and general bribery
*occasional short bursts of 'time out' for bad behaviour

Are these techniques taken from those tv programmes?

I know what I wanted to ask as well: what do you think of Tanya Byron (Tearaways) and Jo Frost (Supernanny) as 'experts'? [nb without inviting any libellous comments about childcare experts or anything ]

My favourite is Family Brat Camp, but this is filming a therapeutic community that's already in existence, so the telly isn't the originator of the parenting help in that case....

I'm curious - do you think the programmes are linked to the government's concerns with 'antisocial behaviour' and so on? Or am I being paranoid?

I started using the stairs after watching Psychomum doing it... she trained as a nanny, so I am assuming that it was part of that.

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No.
We have made discipline a very light touch thing.
I have used a star chart for short periods of time to address specific issues.
But no permanent formulaic regimes.

So we don't always watch these programmes for the strategies they display, and they're not always 'educational' - would other people's public dirty linen washing be the only other reason to watch? What other reasons might there be that people watch these shows? e.g. does it give us a sense that we're members of a larger group of parents, if we were feeling alone... Any other reasons for watching?

And what do you reckon about all the different 'help' programmes there are, come to think of it? Like 'How clean is your house', 'Trinny & Susannah Undress', 'Changing Rooms' etc... Why are we getting so much help?

I've been quite shocked actually by how many mums I have read on mumsnet refer to using the naughty step. Especially if they are used on these programs for quick results! What about the poor childs self esteem?

I felt very guilty as a child when i was told off and remember being made to sit on a naughty chair in the corner at nursery for something. Worst thing was they didn't even tell me what I did wrong!

I would rather tell my child that x is not a nice thing to do and would rather they didn't do it again and concentrate on praising them lots and I mean lots for the good things. We have 3 very well behaved kids (maybe thats down to luck though?!)Yep we have blips but easily sorted!

my understanding is that the original meaning of the word 'discipline' means to lead.....the same meaning in the word disciple. None of us should be scared of using the word, or the concept.

The problem with so many of the families in these programs is that they have never used discipline consitanly within a warm loving realtionship. They children have no consistant discipine of any sort....it is often all or nothing, they get away with murder and then the parents explode and the child is left wondering what happened!

An children are unhappy if they live in this sort of behavioural chaos. Undicsiplined kids are, in my experience quite unhappy.

I don't see a prblem with a naughty step as long as you are labeling the behavior and not the child. And far better to use the step, or any form of time out , than nothing. And to be fair to her supernanny is big on positive reinforcement as well.

Don't get me wrong very much believe in discipline. We do this by having rules that we all follow. Positive reinforcement of the rules and express dissapointment when they are not followed.
We have used star charts to help the kids follow the rules and use time out. I personally do not like the term naughty step even if it does refer to the step and not the child. I would not like to sit somewhere that is "bad" it would make me feel bad. By calling the step a naughty step you make it a bad place to be. Sitting out as a term has a toatlly different meaning and has much more positive implications on self esteem.