Kids in the Middle

[farrowandballs]

Anyone watching this tonight? I'm scared! It looks all kinds of harrowing but it's close to home so I'll be watching...

I'm watching it at the moment - wondered if there would be a thread on it.

DP is watching it and being very sceptical, I'm just wondering what the hell he did.

Omg he freaks me out, seems so controlling

Oh, what a shock, controlling, acusitory and total denial of why she left. Fgs - supervised contact isn't arranged for shite and giggles.

Quite telling that the girls chose not to have much contact once they were old enough to decide though

He seemed controlling, the way he was annoyed at her breastfeeding because his other kids were bottle fed. and can't believe how unsupportive of her depression he was! it was a bit weird when he was asking if her supposed boyfriend was touching the little girls aswel...

BUT think she was really unfair in terms of contact. She was totally thinking about herself when his older kids came to visit and she had a break down and was like 'oh mummy's left in the corner while they play happy families'. She didn't respect the fact that it wasn't just the dad who deserves contact, he should be able to decide if his family and friends. She thought that once every two weeks was enough just because she only saw her dad once a year!

I thought it was really interesting and well done. You could so how difficult and controlling he was, but I don't think the film-makers demonized him. You could see that he was suffering, and his eldest daughter (from the first wife) did speak very eloquently on his behalf. I think it was pretty fair, and where he condemned himself it was out of his own mouth.

I don't agree that the mother was unfair in terms of insisting on a contact centre. He clearly had a history of scary rages and inappropriate behaviour to and in front of the girls. As for it happening every two weeks, you are limited by the schedule of the contact centre, so the frequency was not necessarily in her control. He had contact with one outside of the centre, and he screwed it up by letting the air out of his wife's tyre - scary and vindictive. To be absolutely fair, moving from supported to supervised contact because he brought his older dcs unannounced may have been a bit of a leap.

I thought it was a good insight into a family dynamic, and helped show that DV is not limited to physical violence.

Just watching it now. I find him sinister, and very controlling as others have said. Particularly revealing that he is obviously bright and making an effort to present himself favourably but still said some totally vile things on camera.

I am only 30mins in so not sure how it is going to pan out but at present, she is coming off in a much worse light than he is!

I'm watching it now I can understand her being upset at the older kids if they wrote nasty letters,

Just finished... I thought he came across well! Although I was doing other things such as MNetting ironing while watching :o

I'm watching now on iplayer. Sounds like he told his youngest daughter "mummy wanted to kill you before you were born but I wouldn't let her". Such a darling husband/father.

I'm not surprised after the tyre incident , but I think the whole hoo-haa after the older kids visit was a bit much.

Im watching this atm.
Im really shocked by how much of the 'intimate family details' are being shown. The kids talking all about their feelings, the details of what happened etc.
For example: the fact that the mother had thought about having the third child aborted (owing to being pregnant so close to just having had twins).
I can understand why they get fed up with their father asking his questions. He almost interrogates them about their school work, dance classes etc.

I wouldnt want my family situation broadcast on TV for all to see. I would worry about future issues/problems that might happen as a result.

I do think he comes across as controlling. I think turning up with the older siblings unannounced was foolish on his part. It put his ex and the young girls on the spot which I thought was unfair.
He would have done better to mention it a week or more before.

I thought the mother did over-react to the older siblings visiting.

However - he was so controlling of her, and so in denial about why she left! He must have been hell to live with. Just the incidents that were mentioned - letting down her tyres, telling his little girl that her mother wanted to abort her (!), questioning them about the babysitter touching them, and dragging them out of bed to witness rows - put him in a very negative light. He didn't seem to take any responsibility for his behaviour.

His attitude towards the children made me feel a bit uncomfortable too, the emphasis on using the contact time to teach and interrogate them. I am not suprised that contact tailed off.

Just watching this as I volunteer ar a contact centre and thought it would be useful. Two sides to all situations but v telling that the children were aware that mum was afraid of dad. Lots of insinuations and very leading comments about the welfare of the children. Dad dismisses the rowing/police coming out, while the children continually bring up how horrible it was and scary.

Perhaps dad has no idea how his behaviour has been interpreted by the children? I'm unsure if he really has done nothing wrong or if he merely believes that he has done nothing wrong?

People can now self refer to contact centres. There are not enough contact centres so I'm really not sure how that will work.

A lot of peoples responses to this are quite depressing and disturbing - although he may have come across as controlling that is not a reason to allow the mother to restrict the children seeing their father in a more natural setting. The problems seem extensively to be between the parents when they were together - I accept at times he hasn't helped himself re, tyres etc but the mother doesnt come across as a paragon of virtue either. The fact that the father already has 3 grown up children who speak highly of him and lives with the children of his new partner is teliing - and speaks more about the mother and her controlling and her own neediness and anxieties - its also significant the upbringing of the mother and the lack of her father in her life and therefore she is happy to perpetuate that mindset for future generations. We will never know what effect that will have on the childrens future relationships. Becauase a man and a woman no longer get on then the mother gets to decide when 'her' children get to see their father. This is an all too common perception that a mothers children are her gift. A mother and a father are equal parents and to force the children to see their children in the controlled, sterile and unnatural setting of a contact centre purely because the mother decides it is barbaric.

A court has decided contact, not the mother.

I can't remember it properly now, but didn't she end up at a shelter when she left?

yep, that was mentioned