Wouldn't you love to be in Audience of Jeremy Kyle??

[LordOfTheFlies]

Would have to travel to Manchester from Essex but it's do-able.
Need to make sure I sit at the end of the aisle and look at the camera with a glaikit (Scottish expression, not sure if spelled right) when JK stands in front of me. Mouth out whats on AutoQue.
Have to wear a vest (even in November) I'll buy one that shows my bra-straps
Croydon Facelift ponytail- Yes Can do
Tattoos and Bling- yes even for audience. Quick trip to Cheapie Gold in the market
Have to not wince when JK calls us guys
Have to try not to wipe my hand if JK shakes my hand.

Now then. BoooooooBooooooooo

You forgot

1. Have a lobotomy.
2. Remove several teeth, coat the rest in coca cola and nicotine until nicely yellow-brown.
3. Adopt facial expression that implies you're working out a very difficult sum in your head. Leave your pride at the door and you're in!

I have been
its okay