A Home For Maisie

[alwaysaskingquestions]

Trying to watch this programme but unfortunately I'm being distracted by the nose hair.

this thread, some of the posts on it, really did piss me off too pixie -

thinking about it all day - the person who said something about breaking her to mend her, .....she was already broken, her abusive parents saw to that, the system that then saw her with 2 failed adoptions and 10 sets of foster carers saw to that.

really had to stop myself coming on here and pouring out my life story to justify why that idiot poster who attacked me personally was wrong...and common sense won, im not doing it.

but im glad i watched the documentary - because its made me seriously think about adoption as a reality, i know that my family could help a child like maisie.
im contacting family futures, dipping a toe in the water and will see what happens, they are also an adoption agency for damaged children.

i would really like someone to show me the part in the documentary where she was violent during therapy as I didn't witness her being violent at this time only at home this so therefore do not understand why she was restrained during therapy, why did they cut filming when she was upset being held and shouting your hurting me? Then when it came back on albeit only showing us the monkey she was suddenly calm, i for one would love to see what happened during that time, i would also be interested in finding out why an 8 year old girl needs to be told her mum took drugs during the pregnancy? I think the play therapy was very good and they could talk to her perfectly well doing that, also think the parents were wonderful but as for the therapy i am more inclined to believe it was holding therapy just edited very well as i previously said she was showing no signs of aggression until they held her down, which i think any one of us would kik scream and swear if we had three people restraining us dont you?

Bekka, they were being honest with her. In doing so, they made her accept her past and be able to move on from it with her new family. If they'd made it a big taboo subject then she would have bottled up her feelings even more because she would have felt like she couldn't talk about it. They used language appropriate for an 8 year old, they didn't overload her with details and neither did they brush it under the carpet. And it worked ffs. They DID NOT use holding therapy, they did NOT restrain her. She was hysterical because she was afraid of touch.

Vicar, that's fantastic. :) I'm so glad something so positive has come out of this programme for you, and it's especially nice to see when there are such sickening idiots on here who criticise the most lovely people with the kindest of intentions. Good luck with it all - any child would be lucky to have someone with such understanding.

thankyou, both of you.

i watched it again, and intend to watch again with DH, during some of the therapy, when it got difficult, when she didnt want to start to talk about difficult things for her, because she was hurting so much, she struck out, she clearly tried to bite sue, she was kicking out at the therapists and calling them sluts....at that point i believe she was being held so as not to hurt anyone, she was 9 years old, and at 9 they can bloody hurt if they land a kick or a bite.

BUT - what i think is very telling, when she started to talk - she wanted to know about her past - she asked questions, she just had to get over that initial wave of hurt before she could talk about it.

i truly cant undestand why anyone would rather have seen that little girl in institutionalised care rather than have family therapy - it beggars belief.

therapy is upsetting. but it is healing. its far far more damaging to shut away damaging thoughts and feelings, to never understand them, and then them lead to patterns of behaviour that are much harder to undo in later life.

it was child lead. they worked at her pace, with gentleness and honesty.

really, my DH has just said that this forum does me no good whatsoever. at times like this i think he is right.

Vicarinatutu - I wish you well in your adoption journey. There are so many children out there who need a someone who can really make a difference to their lives.

thankyou

its probably and realistically going to be a couple of years before we can embark on anything, but am going to make the enquiries and see what the score is.

That is one of the nastiest posts I have ever read on MN. Shame on you, STARTLOOKING.

I was going to report that post, but as VicarInaTutu has probably already read it, I think it should stay, so everyone can see how nasty you are.

i would have more respect for STARTLOOKING s posts if they made the any sense, they are hastily typed, grammatically flawed bits of fuckwittery.

it actually did make me laugh. aren't gonna bother reporting as this poster clearly has "ishoos"...

thanks for the support though ladies. its appreciated.

I have reported your last post STARTLOOKING. Go and troll somewhere else dear as you are not welcome here.

ive been married for 20 years (just!) to the same man, i have 2 kids, to him. what the fuck are you on?

this is almost funny!

thanks pixie.

thanks to those who are reporting - my report post button seems to be stuck!

its just given my DH a laugh anyway!

I also tried to report STARTLOOKING's vile post. I'm sorry she is so nasty vicar.

On from the other thread, I saw the program now vicar and agree with you it was excellent. We spent a few days in that room they featured, they call it the Jungle Room at Family Futures. They were not using holding therapy there -- HT is not a technique they use at Family Futures. It was used at the Evergreen Centre in Colorado, which specialises in attachment therapy, and apparently a little girl died. Unless you've had a child who can get violent and require positive handling and restraint for everyone's safety, you may not get it.

I think it's wonderful that you are considering adopting a hurt older child and wish you all the best with it.

ah well. all part of MN rich tapestry...i got my very own pet troll!

thanks for the good wishes ladies. DH says he will watch documentary tomorrow...baby steps!

On the adoptionuk message boards there is a discussion about the holding therapy issue. Jim and Sue themselves have posted on it, adamant that this was not holding therapy, or any version thereof. I see no reason not to believe them.

As an adoptive parent myself, I completely take my hat off to this couple: I think they are amazing. I'm sure they are not always perfect, but most of us couldn't scratch the surface of the love, patience and wisdom they are bringing to parenthood. Since most of us on this thread (myself included) have no expertise in therapeutic parenting of very damaged children, I think we could perhaps hold back on the hypercritical comments and the conspiracy theories.

Oh, and Vicar. I'm sorry you've had this shit thrown at you. Best of luck with your adoption journey (once you have persuaded dh to join you on it!)