Having a Baby Ruined My Life - On tonight's telly

[Earlybird]

On Channel 5 tonight at 9pm.

Evidently this "refreshingly honest account of modern parenthood...states that having children makes you poor, old and bad-tempered".

Anyone planning to watch?

The last 2 minutes of the show were lukewarm comments from most of the parents saying "of course, I love my child and can't imagine life without them" - which seemed rather unconvincing, and too little too late. Glaringly absent were those miserable parents of the 4 year old. Can't imagine how that child will feel in later years when he watches that program and listens to what his parents had to say about him. Sad, sad, sad.

Don't you think it was just even a tad refreshing to see on the TV how we must all feel like sometimes?

I'm sure they showed the worst of the worst for TV purposes but I found myself laughing with relief at the woman with the twins having a fantastic day out at the garden centre.

So heres the thing. When you decide to have a baby you do have an image of how your life is going to be. I think that you never actually realise the sacrifices that will be required of you as parents. Personally, when i had my lil boy i found the change hard, adjusting the whole balance of your whole lifestyle is extremely scary. Although, i found that once my baby was around 3 months and i had gotten used to being a mummy, the responsibility and demands that parenthood entails. the balance shifted and i became me again, the new and improved less selfish me. This programme shows that parenting is a real kick up the arse, although the attitude of some of the parents was generally not helpful at all. I agree that talking about not wanting your own child in front of him /her can be damaging in the long term. The lady with twins i could sympathise with, i mean i struggle with one child, i am full of praise for any mother who has twins. All i can say is that, it does get better, but you have to allow yourself to e-establish the balance in your relationship. Sure its damn hard being a parent, but the rewards far outweigh the drawbacks. This programme , although ended on a positive note, did nothing to help parents, future parents. Whats so big about admitting you wish you had your signgle carefree life back? Nothing, thats life, sometimes i feel like that. Furthermore what about all those people who long for children but simply cant have them? Shouldnt we all just be thankful for what we have? Im no earth mother, i have alot to learn. In the grand scheme of things sometimes i just want to escape from the demands of being a mummy, othertimes i look at my bubs and i know , this little person relies on me so much, at times like this i love feeling needed by him. Im the adult hes the child , the parents in the programme were typical examples of frustrated parents, i can relate to most of them. Although it seems like they have spent alot of time being bitter and need to appreciate what they have.

Urgh, that vile Pasternak woman was on again, shrieking, again, about how boring babies were, again! Thank god she's only reproduced once.

I remember the discussion about her (Pasternak) article. Is she the one doing the show?

Message withdrawn

Don't you think the attitude of the some of the parents, creates the tantrums sometimes? Esp the supermarket discussions on that programme.

My dd will do all of those things that the little girl did - want to pick things up from shelves, refuse to sit in trolley etc
If i'm having a 'calm' day in my own mind, i can take a no nonsense approach and the trip goes smoothly.
If i'm having a stressed out day, i react badly, and cause a full on tantrum. (yep sometimes i feel like standing in the middle of the aisle stamping and screaming .

I felt sorry for most of those parents, kind of assumed that they all had pnd really to be able to say what they said about their children on tv. I may occasionally think like that but wouldn't share my thoughts with anyone else.

I think the supermarket scene was deliberately engineered to show a tantrum. No one in their right mind would let a toddler of that age out of the trolley while they shopped. And letting her run out into the traffic was just plain daft. Maybe I am about to get a shock when I have to cope with two myself.

I have a (nearly) four year old and I am sure that if I said that I wished I had never had him in his hearing he would be dreadfully hurt. He loves to hear what a lovely baby he was and how happy and proud we were to have him.

I noticed that the most frustrated mothers were also the most socially isolated. If I want to go out for a cup of tea and a change of scenery I go with another mum and we share a good moan, this is frankly what makes life bearable. If your partner works long hours and you have no family nearby it must be dreadfully stressful and lonely. Thank goodness for mumsnet.

Thought some of the things said were quite amusing and true. The lady with the twins I thought was great but I just felt sooo sorry for that poor 4 year old, I mean imagine overhearing your parents saying that? I was absolutely disgusted. He's 4 for gods sake. I've got a four year old and I know that he understands every single word you say even if he's not listening and you are not talking to him, so for them to sit there whilst he plays happily and moan about how awful things are is disgraceful. He came over as such a lovely little boy as well poor thing. If it hadn't of been for that family it would have been quite a good programme.

I haven't seen this - just saw it in the TV guide last night. The guide mentioned something about a website where people share the reality of parenting or some such - what was it? (I thought it might be here, but I'm assuming not, as nobody's mentioned that bit?)

I used to do very short grocery trips with DS1 running free, at the age of 2 or so. It worked fine, but I we had to keep moving at a good pace, I had to be full of energy and patience, and then it always went wrong at the tills, because we had to stay still.

think the website is saw it on the program last night

You lot are harsh have you never gone through a period of time after having your kids and thought 'What have I let myself into'. Yes agree the parents saying they wish they hadn't had kids in front of him was out of order but I can certainly echoe what alot of them said and I love my kids to pieces and wouldn't be woithout them and think they are brilliant.....BUT they stretch me to the limit at the same time. As for the cheeseballs FGS! have you nevr given your kids something with E numbers in....if thats deemed as sacriligous on this site then shoot me down as I must be the worst parent here!!

Not everyones perfect and not everyone feels the same as each other and not everyone does things in the same way doesn't mean they love their kids any less or find it hard any less...it just means their human.

Right.... watched the whole thing from start to finish.

The pregnant woman all turned out fine, she went from being dreading it, to besotted with her newborn.

The woman in pink (a writer??) - what the hell kind of labour did she have with blood and guts???

The 4 year old - You don't talk about not wanting your child with him in the room. That's just wrong - 4 year olds understand a lot.

The twins - The dad needed shaking, but I got the impression that the mum never left him for long, so how would he be able to learn to handle them alone??? She was interfering with the nappy change - me n DH ask eachother for help when it is a poo up the vest job. It makes sense. BUT the one who is changing should be left to decide what is best to do - if he wanted the baby sat up and take the vest off first, then let him (I probably would have gone for that route) - if the baby gets poo in his hair, then daddy washes it, and he then knows that next time you need to roll the vest so the poo is inside... like he also knows that you clean sick, then hands, then floor, or you get sicky hands in your hair.

He wasn't saying that the baby being sick was disgusting, just the sick itself was.

The woman with 2 or 4 children - get some oomph woman! She's a toddler. If she won't walk nicely round Tesco, then you put her in the trolley - yes she may throw a tantrum, but it will be contained!!! I wouldn't do it with reins - they either walk nice, or go in trolley, or you get trolley, reins and customers tangled. DD is 2 1/2, she gets one warning - if she still plays up, then she's in the trolley.

Hmmm... who else? The two sat together - they both just seemed young and not so much not wanting their children, just the basic "Get me out of here" feelin that we all get.

They all said that they loved their children and wouldn't part with them at the end, apart from the pink woman... i got the impression that she would like hers at boarding school, and the nanny to present her to her once a month or so.

It was badly titled, and badly edited. Most of the parents were just expressing the same frustration that we come on and rant about - not that children "ruined their lives"

Here here flamebat!

You can tell I've been wanting to get all that out all night!!!

I agree that definitely from birth to 2 its hard and we found it hard too so I can agree to a certain extent with these people but I too thought was so so wrong saying it in front of the little boy. How loved must he feel?? Children at that age understand whats being said about them.

The mother of twins looked absolute bored out of her mind!!! What I can't understand is why she went to the trouble of having IVF and then not to appreciate them when they were here!!!!

Some men are so hopeless too, I think if my DP had been like that I wouldn't have been able to cope either tbh but the fact that you join together and help each other out is how you get through the early years IMO.

Oh yes that bit where she interfered with him changing the nappy. No wonder he was so crap, she treated him like that!!!! I really cannot stand people like that, I would never have humiliated DP when he was changing our kids nappy when they were babies. Men are not as good as women when it comes to changing nappies etc but fgs just encourage them, don't ridicule them if you want support!!!!!

I agree flamebat! I thought it was a really interesting programme and it did away with the pink and fluffy stuff about having babies. However, both dh and I were yelling at the tv when the parents of that poor little 4 year old were saying all those awful things about him in front of him. I hope they never let him watch the programme when he's older (although the damage is probably done now anyway). Poor little mite doesn't even have a brother or sister to even things out.

I agree with flamebat.

Editing, editing, editing!

One thing: the woman who took them all to the supermarket. I would never inflict that on myself if there was an alternative. Like on-line shopping. Or going at the w/e and leaving their dad to look after them. The voice over said 'she has no choice...'. Don't know if she had a pc for online - but she did have a partner home at w/e.

Quite good to see an unspoken taboo aired, imo, however crudely.

you can really feel like having a baby ruined your life. kids kicking off all the time, you get no sleep, you have no money all your dreams about parachuting onto mount everest - or at least having the option to if you wanted to gone - forever gone with a resounding THUD.

right now at this minute my 12 year old is on the computer ( which is in the lobby) he is singing. its quite subconcious, he has no idea hes doing it.

those parents will get to know what we know - that kids can be great.

but for some - the baby years are just the fking pits

I think most of you are missing the point about this programme which I found, for the most part, funny and full of truisms about parenthood. It was supposed to be an antidote to that anodyne 'they bring so much joy' line that is so often pedalled. Most people's responses here prove how brave those parents were to admit that having children is not all unrelenting joy. I think it was supposed to be taken in a much more lighthearted spirit than has been taken by those here.

Before you have children your only experience of childhood is from the point of view of the child but lets face it being a child is great compared to being a parent. You didn't realise then that your parents were basically your slaves - you took for granted the warm clothes and meals on the table and all the other stuff they did for you. It's only when you become a parent that you realise what bloody hard work it all is. And that's all those parents were admitting, with the possible exception of the miserable couple with the four year old. I have a three week old baby and a two year old and watched it with my husband. We have just spent three weeks juggling the demands of both with barely any sleep to give us perspective. We found the programme to be great light relief - we laughed a lot.

Two hours later we were no longer smiling - our two year old decided to scream for two hours from midnight until two and our baby 'snacked' on his mums breast for most of the night. I love them both dearly but there is no doubt that being a parent is one of the most difficult jobs you will ever have to do. I think it's great that some people are prepared to admit it...

I think most of you are missing the point about this programme which I found, for the most part, funny and full of truisms about parenthood. It was supposed to be an antidote to that anodyne 'they bring so much joy' line that is so often pedalled. Most people's responses here prove how brave those parents were to admit that having children is not all unrelenting joy. I think it was supposed to be taken in a much more lighthearted spirit than has been taken by those here.

Before you have children your only experience of childhood is from the point of view of the child but lets face it being a child is great compared to being a parent. You didn't realise then that your parents were basically your slaves - you took for granted the warm clothes and meals on the table and all the other stuff they did for you. It's only when you become a parent that you realise what bloody hard work it all is. And that's all those parents were admitting, with the possible exception of the miserable couple with the four year old. I have a three week old baby and a two year old and watched it with my husband. We have just spent three weeks juggling the demands of both with barely any sleep to give us perspective. We found the programme to be great light relief - we laughed a lot.

Two hours later we were no longer smiling - our two year old decided to scream for two hours from midnight until two and our baby 'snacked' on his mums breast for most of the night. I love them both dearly but there is no doubt that being a parent is one of the most difficult jobs you will ever have to do. I think it's great that some people are prepared to admit it...

Doh I missed this last night, choked with a terrible cold and went to bed early, I knew there was something on that I wanted to watch!

I do agree Ragtaggle, but that lady with the twins looked really unhappy to be there with them......but yes definitely its hard in the younger years, mine are 2 years apart too and I found it so very hard when DS was a baby and DD was only 2!!!! Sometimes you did really feel like walking away and not going back.

Much easier at their age now (5 and 3) and no doubt it will get easier.

DP and I just agreed that we prefer the kids older rather than in toddlerhood!!!!

i think the program might have held a little bit of credibility if it HAD NOT SHOWN THE CHILDREN and just focused on the parents

these programs (and I include all the nanny/house of tearaway/wife swap etc etc) are not reality tv - they are voyerism - the child gets no say whether or not they are on the television in front of 53 million people

does anyone think about how these programs might possibly damage the child?