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Original poster

Can't take it with you... anyone else find this thought-provoking?

54 replies

elliott · 14/01/2011 22:15

I thought this was a really interesting programme and got me thinking about my own will, which needs renewing.
Specifically, how much of your estate would you leave to your children? how much is too much? And if not to them, to what?

My children are about to inherit an amount of money that I feel uncomfortable about and that I certainly don't want to add to (assuming I live long enough to see them to adulthood and independence). But would they feel resentful if I left a large proportion to charity? And how to choose what charity?

And of course, this is assuming I die with something to my name!

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pointydog · 14/01/2011 22:53

I just can't be doing with someone putting on a veneer of being sensible while doing something so opposed to what they say their beliefs are.

So if someone says, family should stand on their own feet and not inherit, that's fair enough. It's an opinion. If someone says that and then tried to look all rational while suggesting the money goes to their elderly parents, they lose all credibility. And I just wouldn't be that interested in whatever hurt has caused them to act in such a mean way.

Original poster
elliott · 14/01/2011 22:57

But I think its a bloody good TV programme - very important issue to discuss and if it gets a few families talking more and avoiding the awfulness of not sorting things out properly then it has to be a good thing.

DH's mum died having not properly sorted out her will and it was a bit of a nightmare tbh. And now I have to deal with the dcs inheriting stuff that I wasn't expecting - it bothers me.

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BellaMagnificat · 14/01/2011 23:01

I wonder why he never adopted them, if he felt so strongly? Then the inheritance issue would have been more simple.

As for private matters revealed - there are even worse things on the telly than this, imo ( thinking of the embarassing medical problems one for example.)

Cyb · 14/01/2011 23:02

He seemed like a very passive person to me

This much I got from watching him for 20 minutes you understand

Stillchuckingit · 14/01/2011 23:04

That's reassuring Freshmint (that you think the solicitor would have stepped in)

and I think you've hit the nail on the head about jealousy

Completely agree PointyDog about her insincerity and lack of credibility when she brought her parents in to the discussion.

I also found it strange that she was keen on leaving money for a piece of land "where children could make dens" yet she didn't want "children" that are known to her and loved by the person she loves most in the world to receive any.

To be fair to her though, I think it must be hard for women without dc to totally understand the depth of protective feeling that parents have for their children.

OgreTripletsAreSoCute · 14/01/2011 23:07

It was fascinating wasn't it, so many things to think about. My jaw dropped a bit at Kiera too, she clearly didn't have a passion for particular charitiese, just a desperate bid to keep the money from the stepdaughters. It would seem very unfair for all Paul's money to end up with his elderly ILs rather than his much loved stepdaughters, where would it end up when they died? Will definitely be watching again next week.

pointydog · 14/01/2011 23:09

yes, cyb, I cringed at joining this thread as we all sound like head-nodding psychiatrists.

Cyb · 14/01/2011 23:09

But we ARE

pointydog · 14/01/2011 23:11

I'm almost believing it.

I'll join one of those Murder 'In the News' threads soon and become some sort of raging lawyer cum journo cum shrink

Original poster
elliott · 14/01/2011 23:11

ISn't that the fun of these kinds of progs though? I love analysing people from the (completely unbiased and unedited Wink) 30 minutes or so. And the way GR can oh-so-gently hit the nail on the head.

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Original poster
elliott · 14/01/2011 23:13

Anyway what qualifications has GR got to be some kind of family therapist?

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pointydog · 14/01/2011 23:16

I don't know who GR is but he had a heck of an annoying face. And what are his credentials?

Cyb · 14/01/2011 23:17

I havent checked his Bona Fides

pointydog · 14/01/2011 23:17

I don't think he had one of those

Stillchuckingit · 14/01/2011 23:19

I think his background is in business mediation and conflict resolution

He's the ninth of ten dc so evidently had a head start

pointydog · 14/01/2011 23:20

I've jusy googled. He's a businessman.

I don't like his style.

ChippingIn · 14/01/2011 23:24

elliot - common sense & fair play :)

Mad cat woman had a point 50/50 each choose what to do with our share - why should she give it to his kids?

Kiera - beyond selfish and clearly very used to being able to manipulate him. I think he should have given the girls more initially, given her the balance in trust until she dies then to the girls. None of 'his' should have ended up in her 'can't decide where it's going' pot. All this BS about inheritance being bad then leaving it to her parents his money as well... right bit of work she is.

choux · 14/01/2011 23:24

9th of 10 DC? Bet he didn't inherit much then...

Cyb · 14/01/2011 23:25

Oh I do like his style. I thought he was sensitive but grilled that woman when she needed grilling

mrscynical · 14/01/2011 23:33

Kiera was absolutely vile. She did not believe in inherited money, yet was wanting to 'inherit' all of her husbands which he had inherited from his parents. Incredible.

I bet she regretted going on the programme. The husband was so weak she could have ended up with the whole lot. Her 15 minutes of fame has cost her dear.

Horrible woman.

mamatomany · 14/01/2011 23:41

My mother has 4 children and had planned to leave her will to the grandchildren. I would do particularly well out of that arrangement as I have 4, my brother 2 children, other brother and sister have none and in no hurry to have them.
When I pointed this out to mum she announced in that case then she'd leave it to whoever "needed it"
Which pissed me off because we are all 4 able bodied adults, all capable of doing well for ourselves but because I have a mortgage and a husband with a job no doubt I'll been seen as the one that doesn't need it.
I wish she'd never mentioned it.

mamatomany · 14/01/2011 23:43

Have other people dicussed with others the contents of their wills ?
I certainly haven't but I did think that if I left everything to DH I would put in some sort of clause that anything accumulated during our lives together must go to our DC's. I hate the idea that he'd remarry and some 20 year old blonde ends up with all I'd worked for with my children in mind.

quietlysuggests · 14/01/2011 23:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lovelyopaque · 14/01/2011 23:53

It was a great programme. I had visions of Kiera's sister ending up with the lot! When he said he realised that he did not totally trust her, that was when it felt very personal. Am desperate for next week to see the mother who wants to favour her youngest child....

Original poster
elliott · 15/01/2011 10:19

mamatomy, my grandparents left there (small) estates to the grandchildren, agreed by my parents as they were doing fine but thought we could use it at that point. BUT we were the only three grandchildren. In your mum's case, its more tricky. Equally between children doesn't recognise the grandchildren's needs, but equally bypassing the adults who have no children doesn't feel right either.

We had a bit of a spat in our family when my dad mooted some kind of 'need' - based split between the three of us - that felt very wrong to me and my elder brother who had chosen responsible and secure employment...so I think there are grave perils with anything other than an absolutely equal split between siblings. Next week will be interesting!

Its a fascinating area because its so emotive and really gets to the core of your values and what you think your purpose in life is, when you think about how you want to distribute your material legacy. That's why its so hard I guess.

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