X Factor duets announced

[gregssausageroll]

Sorry if this has been done but:

Rebecca will be singing with Christina Aguillera

Matt with Rhianna.

One Direction with Robbie Williams

Cher with Wil iiam or however you say it!

Will++++I++++am zzzingzzzz like a Zyyyyberrrrman.

Oh, gawd help us all.

Christina (hopefully having had a wash) and Rebecca will do a 40s thing.
Willyum and Cher will insult all musical taste in every way, it matters not what they attempt.
Matt and Rhianna will be woeful. Oddest pairing ever.
Robbie will gurn and leap like a flea-ridden ape and hang off the necks of Wand Erection lots. He may attempt to rub his knuckles on the heads of some of them.

If Christina has had a wash does that mean she will no longer be Dirrrrrrty?

Matt will look embarrassed and will spend the entire song trying not to look at Rihanna's tits. I'll be going "Gwan gwan gwan Matty boy, sneak a look, you know you want to."

Quite. The filthy mare.

Yes to the tit thing. Rhianna won't notice as she has to try to keep her fringe in place.

Come back Mickey Bubbles. I'd even prefer George Michael perving over Wand Erection.

That fringe is held up by Dark Forces.

I think it could come down to Little Chezza against Wand Erection in the final two. They will be stiff competition but she could beat them off.

matt and rhianna?!

By the way Rihanna the scarlet-fringe-owning, pneumatic-tit-sporting, umbrella-loving one we are all talking about, is a different person from Rhianna.

I have a feeling Christina will steal all of the notes and leave none for Rebecca. Why sing one when you can wangle 17 out of one syllable after all.

If Matt watches Rhianna gyrate and posture for a full 30 seconds before removing his cap, scratching his head and wandering off whistling a jaunty tune, I'll give all of my money to Simon Cowell charity.

Willy Yam and Cher I can't bear to think about. Special. Hell.

Oh and Wand Erection. God help us all. 'ere Robbie mister, when we grow up we want to have tattoos and sex too, can we have your autograph mister, please?

Watch and picture Little Chezza doing the Big Chezza bit here. Ooh, sweary, naughty.

I am just holding out for the final and the failure's Mash Up of Shame. That lovely working girl, the fighting spuds, all those good, good people with no self-awareness or sense of reality. It's my fave bit.

The rest of it will be muted.

Will.I.Am and Cher will probably do his new song, Check It Out, she could do Nicky Minaj's bit.

The only Xtina song I can imagine suiting Rebeccas voice is Beautiful.

Matt with Rihanna should be interesting, I'd have thought he'd have been better with Robbie and 1 direction with Rihanna.

But that Check It Out "song" is, frankly, a pile of rancid donkey gonads. They'd be better off doing something which a chooon which everyone knows.

WillYum in pile o'shite song shocker. Who'd have thunk it?

I hope he wears his scuba mask and Churr wears her chavtastic Gregg's lattice tights.

The finalists usually sing a Christmas song- Rebecca for 'Silent night', I reckon. She would do a lovely version of 'o Holy night', which someone usually does. Struggling to think of anything I would want Cher to do- Christmas Wrapping by the Waittress's, maybe?. Although, I like the song, so she would ruin it.

Wand Erection could all don tea towels and do a little nativity play version of 'Stay' by East 17.

Matt could do anything, I think, but hope it's not Mariah's 'All I want for Christmas'.

Also, I am confused. (Doesn't take much)- I'm sure the final is usually a week later (the night of Dh's works Xmas do, so i miss watching it live) and the winners song is released the Monday straight after the final, to be number one for Xmas day. If the final is this weekend, will they delay the release, or release it anyway and hope for the best? And most importantly, why do i care??

Why do you care Raah?

It seems a week out to me too, praps so if he doesn't get to No1 they can pass it off as being the wrong week or something. Oh, I know what I mean.

Wand Erection will so do Stay won't they? Matt will do Mistletoe and Wine
Churr won't be there with any luck.

Sue, I really don't know why I care
I agree the week delay thing gives them scope for excuses, when beaten to number one by mr Blobby.

'Mistletoe and Wine'??????????????????????

Oooh, Cher could do a rap of 'The Millennium Prayer' - that would upset everyone (Christians, Cliff fans) be mega controversial, and Cheryl could claim never to have heard of it before , cos Cheezus is before her time or something.

Why didn't we think of Cliff Week? Genius.
All in Crimbo jumpers and swaying. I'd pay to see Churr and WillYum do that.

oh oh oh , and Wand Erection could do the choirboy bits. What with having unbroken voices and all. Excellent.

It's not a week early - it's just that the Christmas Charts are on the earliest day they can possibly be this year (Sun 19th). In order to be eligible for that chart, a record has to be on sale in the week leading up to it, so they need to get it out this Monday (13th) to maximise sales.

In fact, I think now the intra-cerebral download goes on sale a millisecond after the winner is announced, ready to be plugged into your head and bypassing hardware completely. Cher Lloyd will actually become part of teenage girls' neural networks and in three weeks they will all sport Superdrug foundation and three lots of eyelashes and a sneer, and speak/rap with an odd Welsh-Wurzels-ghetto hybrid accent.

I'm still holding out for "In Tha Muthafuckin Bleak Midwinter" from her. She can do her own "improvised" rap in the middle. "Snow snow snow had fallen, yo yo yo. Earth hard as oiron, yeah oi'm really troyin', look at me oi'm croyin'."

Thanks, UQD, I couldn't work it out...
There's no fun in the Christmas number one these days. When I worked in a record shop, it was big business and eagerly anticipated. Even when it was Mr Blobby!

Downloads and mp3's , bah humbug