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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Younger brother driving me mad...

3 replies

peacockparty · 06/07/2010 16:54

Hi, just after some advice really, on a fairly awkward situation.

I'm 19, home from uni for the summer and staying with my younger brother whilst my parents are away with work. I have nannying experience with younger kids, but my brother is driving me up the wall... but also worrying me. I realised his relationship with my parents was fraught, but always thought they were making too big a deal out of a teenaged boy being a teenage boy.

As an aside, I don't resent being left with him at all - I offered, it's the least I can do, but having to deal with him constantly for the last week has just been horrendous. I don't have any family nearby where I can offload him for a night, and I'm rather at my wits end!

He's 12, 13 in September and he seems to be angry all the time. He steals from my parents (they won't confront him unless they have proof though) and he's stolen from me whilst they've been away. I tried to have a look through his school bag on the premise of getting his dirty PE kit out and he wrestled it off me quite violently - I just let that drop at that stage, as there wouldn't be much competition if he did get physical, he's quite strong for his age. When he couldn't find the power cable for the laptop this morning he got very angry and started throwing and kicking stuff around the living room. The obvious sanction would be to take the laptop, but he anticipated and seems to have hidden it somewhere - and as I said, when he's on it, I can't physically take it off him.

Obviously all of that is completely out of order, but what worries me more is what he needs the money he steals for and why he behaves so violently. I know £20 has gone from my purse, but I gave him more than sufficient for his bus, lunch and a chocolate bar on the way home. Aside from consumables like that, there's nothing he could buy without me or eventually my parents noticing. I also noticed he still had his PE shorts on under his school trousers, which might be paranoid but I wondered if he was being bullied in PE and was embarrassed to change or something? It seems odd behaviour otherwise. He also seemed teary when I tried to go in with a concilliatory cuppa to talk to him, although he wouldn't and eventually shouted me out. I remember myself how miserable puberty was, but I worry that he's upset and angry above and beyond the norm...

Obviously all stuff I'll talk over with the parents when they're back next week (hallelujah!), but just wondering if anyone had any short term advice on how to get teenage boys to open up a bit?

Oh, and P.S, I am never, ever, ever having children!

OP posts:
mumeeee · 06/07/2010 19:59

Would it be posible for you to have a chat with your brother and ask him if there was anything worrying him.
Also would it be possible for you to talk to his school.
Well done for offering to look after him. Try to look after yourself, Have you got any friends around that you could talk to?

mysteryfairy · 09/07/2010 21:17

I'm not very good at giving advice as struggling with two hardwork teenagers of my own.

I just wanted to say the PE shorts thing is perfectly normal and unsinister - both of my sons do it purely because they are too lazy to take them off and can just dump boxers, shorts and trousers in one delightful tangle in the washing basket later,

Tortington · 09/07/2010 21:24

take him out to town - buy him a game or something, go have a drink and a cake and a an informal chat. nothing like ' are you being bullied' slight on his manhood that is. make it informal. even if he doesn't mention any issues at this point you are forging trust so that if there are any - at any time in the future he can come to you. tell him you miss him and you love him and tell him that he can always ring you if he is in trouble.

make sure the laptop isn;t in his bedroom - lack of sleep makes a kid angry and upset and teary

make sure he isn't gaming all the time - that shit is addictive and....costs money!

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