Pregnant Teenager (update)

[rose1927]

Well she has finally said that she is keeping the baby. Her boyfriend has just lost his job (just to make things worse).

We have said she can stay here until she is able to support herself but that we will not financially support the baby. We have said that we are going to take £40 per week off her (she only earns £90.00 hairdressing apprentice). To save for maternity and baby things. She also owes us £30 which she is to pay back at £10.00 per week. Today she asked me if I had any money for her friends birthday present....she has so much to learn. We have offered her our lounge and we will move into the back room. We will give her love and support but is it unreasonable to ask her to make financial provisions for when the baby comes. She will get child benefit when baby comes but no other help until she is 18 which will be five months after the birth. She is shattered and feels reallly ill she has a bad b12 deficiency but she really has no choice but to keep working. She also said that she needs to give her boyfriend petrol money but I have said he is his parents problem and she is ours. She has to realise the implications of having this baby. Of course we will help out with bit and pieces but financially she has to start growing up. Am I being unreasonable...we are still paying £80 per month for driving lessons. She is also not looking after herself, not eating properly I really am trying to see the positive side of all this and to support her without interfering. One minute its none of my business the next she asking for money and for me to book doc appts... urghhh Think I might just leave them all.

This is a really tough situation for all of you. On the one hand your dd really does need to grow up but on the other hand she is 17, she's still very young and must be terrified. I have to say that finding out I was pregnant at 19 was my most terrifying experience so far (I'm 26 now). My parents for obvious reasons were not keen on me keeping dd but were eventually supportive, I honestly don't know how I could have coped without them and I suffered a lOt with postnatal depression which would have been a lot worse without their support.

Whilst I agree that your grandchild is not your responsibility to support financially I think both your dd and your dc may well need your support a lot. It sounds like you are already giving her this support and she is very lucky to have it (but she's a teenager with added pregnancy hormones so is likely not to show she is grateful for this, but she will tell you one day).

I agree that she should try to carry on with her aprenticeship but if for sone reason she is not able to continue then she could always do hairdressing at college later so if her health does become too bad then this is something she could consider. Your dd and gc's health is the most important thing. Also she needs to take responsibility for booking her own appointments etc but definitely make sure she does.

The boyfriend sounds like an absolute wasted and your dd will realise this one day but is probably very scared of being on her own and trying to make sure her dc has it's daddy around. It might take time for her to realise this but if you keep criticising she will just leap to his defence and then may be reluctant to admit she was wrong abd you were right. Just show Her you are there no matter what (I'm sure you already are). Don't be giving her lots if money that will just go to him know. Encourage her to save for when the baby does come (sounds like you do need to be in charge of this so it doesn't all go to him).

Benefits wise, you can claim housing benefit of you rent from a close relative but you have to prove it is a genuine tenancy but you absolutely cannot claim hb if you live in the home of a close relative (I work in housing benefit). I think your daughter should be able to claim child tax credits for the baby when it comes even though she is under 18, and also may qualify for income support of she doesn't get maternity pay or maternity allowance. Nit sure whether apprentices qualify for working tax credit though but if so this would help with childcare as well. Also if she chooses to move out eventually once baby is here she can apply for housing benefit. She does not need to be unemployed just on a low income.

Wow sorry that was an epic post. Just trying to offer some advice on all of the issues.

This thread is 2 years old.

I wonder how the OP and her DD got on in the end.

I remembered this thread, was hoping it was an update.

Why do people search through and resurrect old threads? Sigh...

I thought this was a recent thread because it was in active conversations. That'll teach me to check the dares before I respond.

OP it seems, from your post that you want to punish her? Give the poor girl a break!

In your post, you come across as really pissed off and 'really can't be bothered to deal with all this'

I can imagine your poor DD is picking up on this and must feel awful. She had sex, she got pregnant ( like you did once) and she is now about to have a baby. I bet she is petrified. Don't make her feel like shit. She will remember this difficult time of her life forever and she will not forget how you treated her. Be kind to her. She needs support and love. Can't she claim benefits to ease the financial burden?

This is a two year old thread?