Special Consideration

[anon001]

I'm 18 years old, I'm currently sitting my a levels and I'm looking for advice about special consideration in my exams and from universities, so please share any experiences you have had.

I've had domestic issues throughout my two years in sixth form, revolving around my dad's alcoholism.

I applied to uni at the beginning of this academic year. I have good GCSEs so applied to academic universites. My firm offer is 3As and my insurance is 2As and a B. My predicted grades are 2A*s and an A, but I'm not confident I will acheive these. My dad's drinking has caused huge family distress, especially in my last year of 6th form. He used to pick me up from school drunk and drink drive, I would worry about this all day. My mum stopped him doing this but he continued drinking, he would get plastered. I used to wonder what I would come home to, worry about what was going on when I wasn't at home. When I was at home he was awful. My mum works full time, often getting home late but I would often stay up with her talking with her until past midnight trying to make sense of what was going on. I began spending the majority of my weekends at my boyfriends house, avoiding trouble at home. I still feel guilty about the affect I might have had on him, I have started questioning my actions towards him and doubting my judgement. I didn't tell school what was going on, I think now that I should have. I only told my boyfriend and a few close friends.

My dad started an abstinence only addiction solution programme a few weeks ago. He's been through other home rehabilitation programmes before, but this one is rehab in the community. He has stopped drinking and the change in him has been incredible. My relationship with him is still pretty much non-existant and he still has mood swings and horrible habits and is generally difficult to live with.

I really want to go to uni, but I'm really worried about how everything has affected me. I'm not really sure how to feel anymore. I'm really scared that I will miss my grades, and am wondering about applying for special consideration in my exams. Does anyone think it could apply here as this could be classed as a domestic issue? Also do you think there is a chance my universities may be lenient on my grades, especially with the competition for places this year?

Can you ask your tutors at school/college?

I find it difficult to talk about it tbh. I don't want them to think I'm making a fuss and its a really personal family thing. I'm worried about what they would think and I don't think my mum has been keen on me talking to them because it's been very difficult for her too. She was on the brink of throwing my dad out a few times and I'm not sure she thinks she's handled it in the best way, she keeps apologising for it. I think as well its kind of too late to tell them since we're through the worst of his drinking hopefully, but I still think it might effect my grades. Also none of my teachers have ever twigged that anything might be going on, I'm really involved in school life and normally positive and my grades stayed normal. They might think I'm making a big deal out of nothing.

I think it depends on the course and the university. Some are more sympathetic then others but as BitOfFun says, your next step is to ask your school/college.

I didn't mention the problems that I had at home to my teachers, I scraped into Uni with 1 A'level, it's the best I could get as I had circumstances very similar to yours. It's easier to change courses once you are in the University so I went from doing a HND to a Law degree. Just do the best you can but remember that all isn't lost if things don't wirk out the way you wanted them to. Have a chat to your head of year.

Best of luck

It's always a good idea to mention anything that can affect your studies to them, teachers are not just there to educate you, they can offer support aswell, especially if you feel like you are supporting others and you have no one to support you.

Please, please do talk to at least one teacher you can trust (it will then be escalated through the child safeguarding system, but will be kept confidential). Teacher's will not judge you but do need to know what is going on. At the school I work at we have put systems in place for one girl whose alcoholic mother sometimes gets paranoid and destroys her work.

If you really can't talk to them at present do contact alteen www.al-anonuk.org.uk/ as that is a special service, full of other teenagers in the same position as you who can help and support you.
Similarly at University do contact the student support services, who are independent of academic departments, and can provide help and support.

You are not alone, and good luck!

Definitely talk to school.. and quickly as I'm guessing your exams will be over now, or nearly. You may well have a case for special consideration, and as Mummytime says, you won't be alone in taking your A levels under awful conditions, and schools do have to submit for special considerations regularly..don't feel worried about asking, they would far rather know!

My daughter has just had to ask for special considerations, including missing her final Chemistry exam today because her Gran suddenly died two weeks ago, day before her first exam and the funeral was today.. she also needs straight As for med school, and had to take whatever grade they give her for her missed paper, so I totally appreciate your anxiety.

I would contact your chosen Uni direct to make them aware of your circumstances, we have been told to contact my daughters if she misses her grade and they may still consider her...

Good luck...

Coming back to this to finish telling my story for my own closure. A big thank you for all of the advice I received all those years ago, it was comforting just to feel like someone was listening and that my feelings were valid. I never did tell school.

I got my grades and went to uni. My dad started drinking again and his violence towards my younger brother escalated sufficiently for my mum to finally kick him out. I still feel guilty for leaving my brother behind like this but he did come out ok in the end, also got his grades and went to a fantastic university.

I don’t speak to my dad now, I’m really close to my mum and my siblings. I broke up with my boyfriend of the time after the end of my first graduate job. We’d grown apart personally but I feel forever indebted to him and his family because without their support I’m not sure I’d have made it through that part of my life.

I now have a wonderful fiancé and a steady career and we’ve just bought our first house together. I’m keenly aware I need to go to therapy, ideally before I become a mum (hopefully). My fiancé mentioned today that he feels one of the differences between us is that I grew up in a chaotic household without ‘normal’ parental role models, whereas he had a very stable upbringing with his parents fulfilling traditional roles within the family. I need to work out how I can navigate my life without chaos or stress, just to live calmly and peacefully and try to feel fulfilled. Sounds simple but it’s big and scary for me!

When I think back to the desperate 18 year old who wrote this, I feel like I’ve come a long way. Still got quite a journey to go to feel comfortable and confident in myself. One day I hope I can pay something back and help kids who felt as lost and alone as I did then. Thank you again to mumsnet for being there for me when it felt like nothing else was.