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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

13 year old thumb-sucker

18 replies

Shugochara · 19/06/2010 06:14

Any thoughts on how to help daughter stop sucking her thumb? She does it when she is tired/listening/bored/watching/reading/waiting/asleep etc etc.

She does it more now than when she was a toddler and she becomes very aggressive when I say gentle things like, "Try to stop that, sweetheart," in a mild voice.

School have pointed out that it makes her a target/seem very babyish. And it does look a bit odd when combined with make-up and teen clothes.

Teeth ok at the moment but she may need a brace at some point. Actually, maybe that would do it...

OP posts:

mloo · 19/06/2010 08:31

Would she be amenable to wearing that nasty tasting nail polish (meant for nail biters)? Then she could have more control over trying to lose the habit, you could just buy it and tell her where it is in the cabinet and then it's up to her to try to lose the habit.

Original poster

Shugochara · 19/06/2010 08:47

Not sure that would work - she's fairly contrary and is likely to develop a taste for it, as I've heard other kids do.

I'm not sure we can buy it here - we're in France. I'll have a look though, thanks for the tip.

OP posts:

ditavonteesed · 19/06/2010 08:50

I think it's too late (and I say this as a 36yo thumb sucker) it's a habit but it's not a harmful one, can you help her yto only do it at home?

ditavonteesed · 19/06/2010 08:51

oh and my mum tried the nasty tasting stuff, I would just suck it all off and then arry on as normal.

Original poster

Shugochara · 19/06/2010 12:34

Oh no! It can't be too late.

The trouble is she doesn't know she's doing it half the time so getting her to only do it at home would be tricky.

I've tried to find out if it is because of anything else, anxiety or self-consciousness - but then which teenager doesn't feel that?

OP posts:

TheFutureMrsClooney · 19/06/2010 12:45

Mine stopped last year at the age of 13 - entirely her decision, she decided it looked daft!

Nagging and potions did nothing for her and it obviously bothered me more than her!

hettyhoover · 19/06/2010 13:05

From someone who still sucks their thumb when watching TV/tired/reading etc: I agree that's it too late for her ever to totally stop. At 13, I know that I also didn't know I was doing it until my mum pointed it out (and she had/has the same feelings as you on the subject!). Now, I actually choose to do it, because I like it. I know that sounds weird, but it makes me feel relaxed, and I only ever do it in front of my immediate family. If your daughter's the same, then nothing you say will stop her. I have had the horrible tasting stuff on my thumbnails, but I just washed it off straight away - it doesn't work!

As long as she's not doing it out in public, then what's the problem? I never needed to have braces because of it, and I have been doing it since I was four. As to sucking it more frequently now then ever, I did that too; I think because the teenage years are quite stressful, and I hate to say it, but the more my parents tried to get me to stop, the more I did it .

hettyhoover · 19/06/2010 13:13

Sorry, something else to add: about sucking it at school/out places, it took me till about 13/14 to stop that too. It will happen, don't worry! I think rather than telling her to stop totally, you need to keep talking about how babyish it is. My parents used to ask me if I'd still be doing it at university/when I got a boyfriend/at work etc, and also (and this was absolutely horrible and probably worked the best) took photos of me doing it without me realising, and then made me look at them, so I could see what it looked like. It made me see how ridiculous it looked whilst wearing teen clothes, make-up, like you say.

Having to stop altogether though is utterly terrifying and although I have managed up to 6 months at a time, I always did it again.

bebemoohatessnot · 19/06/2010 13:17

I sucked up thumb until I was abt 22. I still find myself doing it now again (since having my dd!)when things are very stressful.
I would say you should try not to do anything really. Let it stop if/when it does. (Would you rather having her sucking her thumb or shoving her face with food/drink? which granted may not happen, but well might as it's the logical substitute to sucking. You could offer other things to suck on? a lolly a spoon? -none of these worked for me mind) Ask her if she would like help stopping and offer to help her be aware of the problem if she likes (tho it sounds like she won't want this). Then let it go yourself.
I too found it very difficult and upsetting when my parents tried to get me to stop. I was grounded and all sorts. I would get so upset I'd go up to my room after terrible yelling matches and ...suck my thumb...

Original poster

Shugochara · 19/06/2010 17:02

Thanks all.

No, not planning to ground her or anything else like that- it tends to be slightly feeble reminders from me which are greeted with a snarl or glare - but that's all to do with hormones etc no doubt.

Trouble is, she does do it in public, she has been teased and I don't think she likes doing it really. She looks very embarrassed when reminded.

Perhaps she'll stop by herself. It has got more frequent in the least couple of years, I think because we made a big move as a family so I suspect it's about reassurance, comfort etc when the world is a scary place.

We'll keep plugging away.

OP posts:

orangeandlemons · 01/07/2010 21:16

I teach secondary school. We have loads of thumb suckers, including Year 11.

I even had one who used to suck her thumb, and stoke the label in her coat at the same time (she said it helped her to concentrate)

I see so many, that I hardly notice it. I don't think any of them get bullied about it (I've seen bullies sucking their thumbs)

I don't see 6th formers doing it, so perhaps it fades away at this time.

eatyourveg · 02/07/2010 07:48

Not too late at all. ds2 (12) is in the process of stopping and almost there. Its been about a year now - slow but effective. Forget the nail varnish stuff, ds2 became immune to the taste

First step was the dentist who made a plate for him bringing down the roof of his mouth so there wasn't room for the thumb. Initially to be worn 24/7 then just at night when he was most liable to suck.

We noticed he was still trying and doing it unconsciously in his sleep though his mouth couldn't close round his thumb so we put a sock over his hand/wrist and tied it round with selotape but at the same time let him have his old duvet (doody) as a comfort blanket that he smelt. We thought it important to still have some sort of pacifier initially so he didn't feel he was being punished

He doesn't wear the plate at all now but does like to put the sock on though without the tape, almost like a "can I do it" thing. he is managing so far but still has the doody to smell.

He is unfortunately on the waiting list for a double train track brace and I think this has given him the incentive to stop. Next step is to get rid of doody which we are going to tackle over the summer holidays. I figured after so long he had to be in the right place emotionally before we could realistically do anything which would be effective and school often gets him wound up so the 2 month break is ideal

Good luck!

rose1927 · 02/07/2010 08:08

NO suggestions but if you find a cure let me know mine is 17 and pregnant and still at it.

PortiaNovmerriment · 02/07/2010 08:34

I still do it- not so much in public I guess, but I don't see the harm really.

teamcullen · 11/07/2010 20:55

DD is 14 and still thumb sucking, but never in school or when she is with friends.

However girls in school who are the same age are hanging round the park getting drunk, smoking, having sex...

DDthinks all these things are "vile" so the thumb sucking doesnt bother me too much.

It drives DH crazy though.

lemonysweet · 11/07/2010 21:38

i stopped at 14 and have never done it since.

you know what stopped it for me? the sock technique. having a sock strapped over my hand at night for about a month or so, and i just didnt get the urge after a while, switched to foot tapping. apparently my inability to keep still should have been looked more closely at at that time though according to my GP recently :S

so sock over hand AND

growing the thumbnail long.

you cant suck your thumb properly if you have long fingernails. not horrible fake long, just long enough so that when you lay you hands flat, palm up, you can see the nail.

i have to have a retainer and train tracks for two years, everyone has different methods of sucking though and not everybodys teeth get affected by it. although a friends son developed an speech impediment when he hit his teens and the doctor thought it was because he had managed to raise the roof of his mouth ever so slightly by the position of his thumb [which was NEVER out of his mouth.]

gagamama · 12/07/2010 10:05

As someone who woke up this morning with their thumb in their mouth completely involuntarily, I think it is probably too late to ever completely kick the habit now. I probably stopped doing it in public when I was about 10, but I still find it creeping its way into my mouth when I'm unwinding, particularly when watching the TV. I even find it trying to make its way into my mouth when concentrating on something at work. DP hates it though so I really try not to do it these days, but as I say, I woke up with it in my mouth this morning and had absolutely no control over it being there!

I tried the sock thing and the foul tasting nail varnish thing, but neither worked long-term. I just think of it as something I do to relax, and it's much cheaper and all-round better for me than smoking!

YugiTsukasa · 23/08/2020 09:59

As a 13 year old, (I promise you I made this account solely to tell you this,) telling her how childish it is isnt helping. Dont encourage it, but dont tear her down about it either. Telling her not to do is gonna make her want to more.
My orthodontist is going to start putting popsicle sticks around my thumb to prevent me from doing it, you could bring it up with her if its something you're comfortable with doing

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