How much do you expect them to do?

[mumto3boys]

As I have posted before Ds1 is 13. We are having quite a few problems with him at the moment and are trying to clamp down on him.

We are seeing slight improvements at school but we still have a long way to go both at school and at home.

Anyway, we have realised that he has been quite spoilt over the years. He was an only child until he was 8 and the world did pretty much revolve around him.

He doesn't really have many chores. He has to tidy his room once a week, put his own washing in his wash basket and help to set and clear the dinner table. Now the room and washing I see as looking after himself and our 5 year olds do this. They also help with the table etc.

I do sometimes get him to put the bins out etc but I wondered what other chores your teenagers do as I know when I tell him what chores he will be doing, I will be the most unreasonable person on earth and what to feel confident in myself.

I realise from my last sentence what a walkover I sound and am trying hard to remedy this.

Currently he is banned from xbox, gaming laptop, family pc and also grounded - all for a month so he has plently of time for chores!

My DS (16) does very little tbh - puts his own washing in the basket, changes his own bed (when I throw a clean set at him!), sometimes puts out or brings in the wheely bins (when asked), helps clear the table after meals (we all do that together). Most days he also empties the dishwasher, and sometimes empties the washing machine and puts things onto the rack.

For us, I'm not so bothered about him having things that are specifically his to do, but that he does things when asked, without pulling faces or groaning!

DD does quite a bit - but then again her allowance is linked to chore completion.

Dishes once a day (the dinner ones - ha!)
Cleans bathroom 3 times a week
Cleans 2 cars at the weekend
Hoovers as and when asked

It's around about 2-3 hours work a week, which I think is fine to be honest.

She does not do her own washing (tried that, not worth it) but she does her own ironing, as we all do. It is up to her to clean her room and make sure she picks up all the crap, this is the only thing I nag her about as she is a messy bugger if left on her own devices.

I think this is fair - we all three of us have probably an equal (defined) area of jobs.

She cooks dinner once a week as well. Btw she is 14.

GetOrf - in what way are the chores and allowance linked, if you don't mind me asking? Is there a 'payment' for each job, such as a specific amount or would she not get any money if she did not do all her chores?

DS1 gets - £20 per month pocket money, £10 top up and £10 on his lunch card for school. the problem is he sees this as his entitlement. He has no respect at all for the fact that we choose to give him this and we do not have to. He really is behaving like a spoilt brat and we need to change it

Sounds as if he takes for granted all the luxury, technology, pc, exbox etc, that you work to provide. In my experience they can become over absorbed in this leisure/pleasure and want to escape to it any given opportunity. Consideration for others goes out the window, but do not give in. He will probably hate you for it, but then you are his parent not his friend, so think long term. Do not be afraid of your son, you would be surprise how many are. Have someone with you to witness his reaction/back you up and be consistent until he shows a improved sense of responsibility/sense of humour/recogniton that you are human/have a life. .

Thank you Chatelaine you have hit the nail on the head. I have just done another post related to this and things will be defintely changing.

I really do think he believes he is some kind of prince and the world revovles around him.

He does make his own lunch every day as he will not eat packed lunch and the school has an odd timetable to he's home by 2.30. I will not make lunch at this time.

Unless he sees benefit for him, he really kicks up a fuss.

I'm not scared of him, but he has a very ghood way of making me feel like some mean old mum, much worse than everyone elses.

He's off sick today and not getting much sympathy as i'm so cross with him at the moment and the theatrics he's putting on would get him a part in Holby! (he has a bit of a tummy upset btw - he's also known for his illness and injury fakery so I am usually sceptical anyway. Thjis one is genuine but no where near as bad as he would like me to belive)

Very interested in this thread - think i will be making a few changes here!!
DS1/2/3 need more chores!!

These teenage threads have really helped me out today xx

Sorry mumof - didn't see your question earlier.

She gets £80 a month. If in any way her chores are done craply, I will take money off.

I have only ever had to do this once and she learned. Now, if she tries to skive I just threaten money loss.

I think it's pretty fair, and removes all that godforsaken nagging and repeated requests which i had to do before.

£80 !

But she has to buy all her own stuff out of that, like clothes etc. She knows not to ask me for a penny more! I just pay the child benefit into her bank account.

I only have the one as well.

Added to what your DS already does DD irons her own school uniform, cleans her school shoes, waters the plant pots at the front of the house and occasionally does the dishes.

This is one of those threads that makes me wish I could send my entire household to another MNers for reprogramming!

Asked DH (57) to hang up the washing when I went to work this morning - he had the day off. Came home to find not only had he not done that, he'd left the washing out that I'd already hung up, plus the garden furniture cushions and it had started to rain. He was reading a book when I got home........

My two (14 and 16) generally cook once a week, eventually change their sheets when they look like the Turin shroud. They are supposed to take it in turns to load/unload the dishwasher but argue about it, one theoretically cleans the bathroom, the other dusts/polishes.

I work full-time, have a large house, can't afford a cleaner and have just sat down for the first time since I got in from work.

Rant over

My DS is 12. In order to get his £5 pw pocket money he has to wash up the dishes on 4 out of 5 week day evenings, hang up any clothes washing I have done, take the heavy bag of recycling stuff down the corridor to the refuse room in our block of flats (weekly) and clean out his hamster cage (weekly).

He won't get any money if he fails to do his chores unless there's a very good reason, and he has money deducted for bad behaviour-usually swearing.

DSS1 (15) and DSS2 (nearly 13) have to pop out to the bakery at the weekend and buy us fresh baguette/croissants etc (even if they only want to eat cereal themselves!).

And I get them to take bins out/bottles to the recycling when needed.

And sometimes to empty a crate of mineral water into the fridge/bottle rack.

In the holidays I sometimes get DSS1 to do a small supermarket run.

But mostly it's just managing themselves.

Mine takes over the butler's duties on his day off. The rest of the time she has to go back in the cupboard.

My 13 and 15 years olds don't have specific chores but help when asked.

I would never relate it to a monetary reward though because if I asked them to, for eg lay the table it would soon become, "what's it worth?"

I mean, I don't get paid for it!

I think they should see chores as a necessary, if tedious part of life, and not expect something in return. The return is a smoother life for everyone.

For eg last night Ds 13 made dinner for everyone - wasn't asked to, just wanted to. But first he had to clear up some things in the kitchen so he could cook. Which he did because he saw that as necessary to get on with the job he wanted to do.

Also both DH and I pretty much share the chores (apart from the washing up, which he does!) so the boys see that it's not all 'women's work'.

Mine do a fair bit, although nothing is on a "you must" basis - they can tidy or not their own rooms - up to them if they want them like middens.
DS2 is generally more helpful than DS1 but they all (along with the 2 younger ones) empty dishwasher if asked, moaning not permitted, help with bins/recycling,hang out washing in morning before we all zoom off/bring a load down and shove in washer.
Everyone is expected to put dirty clothes in wash basket and dirty plates in dishwasher.
Ds2 is generally home first - he goes a different school and is excellent about sorting washing/drying. If you want anything ironing in this house you do it yourself anyway. I'm a slattern about housework but if needed they all are generous in spirit and practice about helping to hoover or clean (ie if someone's coming over! in fact usual reaction to seeing the hoover is who's coming - oops)
We do pay them for grass cutting - we've lots of grass and they like to earn extra money but anything else is unpaid.