DS's girlfriend is having an abortion tomorrow . . .

[sillybesom]

and her mother doesn't know . . . She and DS are both 17, have been "together" for 3 years and hope to go to Uni together next September. She is lovely, we get on really well. Apparently, her mother "will kill her". DS and girlfriend have been using condoms for the past year (since both turned 16) but obviously one has failed. What to do? Both are upset but feel abortion is the only option. I think her mum should know but can't tell without permission.

As st oprah says "you do what you think is right at the time. " and it is right.

sillybesom speaking from my experience, it was the right thing to do for me and I'm sure your DS and his girlfriend have considered all the options and have decided it is the right thing to do for them.

It is sad that she doesn't feel able to confide in her mother, but I couldn't either at the time - but I am now a mother of two lovely DCs who I had at the right time of life to the right partner. 25 years ago it would have been a disaster for me and all concerned and I have never regretted my decision.

Although I wouldn't wish the experience of having a termination on anyone, it is part of who I am now. I can't go back and change it. At risk of sounding slightly pompous, it has given me a broader perspective and made me less judgemental - also I hope it has made me more open with my DC regarding sex, contraception and relationships than my own parents were.

If you and your DS can be there to help support her then it will less traumatic - I wish you all the best.

These two kids are lucky to have you on board sillybersom .
But agree ,don't overthink it - I've had an abortion ,it wasn't a big deal .
Right decision at right time .
Hugs for what you're coping with .

Well, it's all over now. Poor love was terrified going in but the medical staff were kind and non-judgemental and she and DS are now watching movies and eating pizza in the sitting room.

She is still adamant that her mum must never know and obviously I have to respect her wishes.

Right decision at the right time, absolutely.

I hope they are OK - just do what YOU can do to help and don't fret over what really isn't your part of the business.

I had an abortion, have never told my Mum, I didn't need her support, particularly, especially as I wouldn't have wanted support from anyone who would fuss, angst, chide, wail etc. I have a good, freindly, close relationship with my Mum, but at 17 there are situations you can manage without your Mum.

It sounds as if your son and she are sensible, communicating with each other - trust them to know the right decisions.

And as for 'it's your grandchild' - so the poor girl is nothing more than a vessel fro someone else's grandchildren, no matter what her own thoughts on the matter? How medieaval.

Glad she's ok, sillybesom. FWIW, I think you did the right thing.

I don't think her mum needs to know if she doesn't want her too.

I had a termination many years ago and didn't tell my mum until several years later, and only then because I kind of had to.

I'd have hated someone else telling her, because I just didn't want her to know.