I need some help with this bullying problem

[curableromantic]

DS (12) always seems to make friends with older, tougher boys he sees as cool. He started secondary school this year and was soon knocking around with some boys who are a couple of years above him who also live nearby. We became unhappy about these friends and could see they weren't being very nice to him - leaving him out, etc.

Last week he was playing with them and got a brown stain on the seat of his white shorts. All the boys started teasing him, saying he had pood his pants, etc. DS didn't handle it well, got very upset. It has escalated via bloody facebook, text messages, 'mystery' phonecalls, etc. and this little gang of kids have told him that 'everyone' knows and is laughing at him.

He has refused point-blank to go back to school since and is very unhappy.

The school say they can't help unless he goes back to school.

Does anybody have any advice?

It seems atrocious that school won't help unless he goes back to school. How ridiculous and cowardly of them. Can you download their bullying policy off the school website as well as their safeguarding policy? You will probably find that they are obliged to help and you should consider making an official complaint to the chairman of the governing body. They could easily address the cyber bullying whether your ds is in school or not. I would be fuming as you no doubt already are.

Agree with eatyourveg - they must be obligated to sort out cyber bullying without your ds in school! Seems as though they can't be bothered...

The cyber bullying is the first thing to deal with. Print out all the nasty comments and save the text messages then stop him using Facebook- he is technically too young for it anyway. This should be enough evidence for the school to act whether or not these nasty comments and threats are made at home or school.

Cyber bullying is actually counted as a criminal offence- the police take it very seriously and so should the school- they must have something about this in their anti-bullying policy. Put your complaint in writing and if you get no joy threaten to go to the governers or further if necessary.

At DDs secondary school- cyber bullying means immediate suspension and a continuation would result in expulsion.

It's ridiculous of them to suggest they won't deal with it until her returns to school.

Thanks, all they have offered is to give DS a 'safe place' to go at break-time so he can get away from these boys and suggested we go to the police about the phone calls.

DS is so deeply mortified he is refusing to talk about it and completely panics if we say we are going to deal with it via the school. He just wants it to go away and can't accept that the grown-ups can resolve it.

Actually 'DS' is actually DP's DN who we have been trying, unsuccessfully, to have come live with us. He currently lives with his granny (parents both dead, have posted about this before). Granny is terribly upset but, in this as in everything, is failing to do anything about it.

This sort of thing happened to my ds and the school told me to contact the police if it continued as cyber bullying is a criminal offence...does your sons school have a community police officer? they are excellent at dealing with things like this...your ds should not have to go through this...good luck

Have just been dealing with school regarding bullying of DD13. We got a fast response which I suspect may have to do with the fact that I rang the school after DD texted me from school saying she had been bullied again. I told them that 1. I was coming in to remove her and 2. to arrange an appointment with head of Yrs7-9 for me. By the time I arrived at school things were well underway and so far, going ok.

Anyway, I'd ring up and make an appointment for you or DP to go in with Granny to see a senior head of staff and advise that until the appointment is made DN won't be attending school. Go armed with their bullying policy.

Thanks sdr - good plan.

Might be worth contacting the education welfare officer so they have the story from you. Depending on which area you live they can be quite helpful for putting pressure on the school.

oh your poor DS/DN. The poor lad has clearly been through more than enough already without this.
I agree with what other posters have said, the school should be dealing with it properly. Even if its just a letter out to all parents or a mention in assembly, they need to get the point across that bullying in any form will not be tolerated.

I am totally against bullying and maintain that it should not be allowed to go unpunished. I'm in the awful situation that my DS has been suspended from school until September for a joke between him and his friend. The friend knew it was a joke, no one else was involved but the school have come down hard on my DS. I believe it is because there has been so much news coverage recently regarding various forms of bullying that they have decided to make an example of my son, very unfairly in my view.

I hope that you can encourage your DS to go back to school and he can hold his head up high and ignore these nasty children

As you say, cyber-bullying is usually taken very seriously these days and it's unbelievable that the school are not taking stronger action. Presumably you have reported it to the police - what did they say?

mortifiedmother - I hope your DS can go back to school soon, sounds like they came down too hard on him. You are absolutely right that he must go back to school iwth his head held high - that's what we're focusing on now, his self-esteem, because otherwise it will happen again and again.

Sleepinglion, we are going in to see the school on Monday, we've only just found out because DP's mum didn't tell us, she has just had him at home, taken time off work herself, and really just allowed him to wallow in it. He does have lots of nice friends at school who will be missing him, he must face the music, poor thing.