How much Freedem do you give your teenager

[mumeeee]

My 13 year old was upset today as a friend called for her at 7pm and they wanted to walk round the park. I felt thatit was a bit late to be wondering around the park. She does stat out later then this if she is at a Friends house and is being brought back. She is also aloud to go to town with her frinds as long as she is back about 5.30. She is aloud to go to the park earlier in the day I was just uneasy about the time of day. She got over her upset and is quite happy now

Mumeee, my daughter is almost 14 and my rules were just like yours until very recently when she has just been allowed to remain in the park until 7 (the park is literally just a round the corner from us). This has only happened on one or two occassions because we usually sit down to eat at 7(ish). I am very strict about such things and my daughter doesn't seem to mind. I always want to know where she is and who she is with. Friends are allowed in the house in the evening (depending on homework) and this has solved one of the issues. Trust begets trust (IYKWIM)and the rules are always open to negotiation. To my horror one or two of her friends are allowed to roam until 10-11 pm at night!

My eldest is only 11 and we havent got to this stage yet but I would think that after 7 its better ni=ot to be out 'wandering'. At a friends house, yes, or even coming back from somewhere with a friend but not just hanging out. But I suppose I'll have to wait and see what the future holds. Certainly I used to wander with my friends but in a small town in scotland in the 70s. Inner London in the 00s feels v different. Not saying that there were no dangers then, or that bad things are bound to happen now, but I wd be most worried about other gangs of teenagers.

Stick to your guns mumeeeee. Even if she "hates" you for it now, she will understand when she is older. She is still a child and too young to be wandering around at 7pm. She has plenty of years ahead of her to do as she pleases.

I don't think that going to the park at 7pm is unreasonable for a 13 year old. I have to say though it has taken me a long time to loosen the reins for my 16 year old who now has much more freedom. This, in turn, gives my 14 year old much more scope because I know they can go out without getting into trouble. Now it is the holidays for us, my 16 year old comes in between 10.30pm and 11pm and my 14 year old comes home between 10pm and 10.30pm if he is at a friends house. They are boys though and perhaps I will be different with my dd.

Have to say though it is different when they are at school. I expect my 14 year old back by 9pm.

Freedom

I think alot of these decisions would depend on the park in question, is it a small town recreation ground or an inner city park - we live in a small town and my 9 year old is often out until 8.00 pm at the moment - there are rules though - has to be in a group of at least 4 and they must all stick together and return to one house - a parent will then cycle the others home - why is that parent usually me??

God I am not sure what I would do - am terrified that something would happen and there are so many horrid people about - on the one hand you have to give them some freedom and responsibility and ont he other they are still only children.

I think that if they are in one place - fine as long as I knew where it was but wandering - no and a recreational ground?????

We live in a city,butThe park is only round the corner from us so she would probably have been alright. I don't mind her going out if she is doing something specific but I didn't like the idea of her just wandering . I also have a 16 year old and a 11 year old. The 16 year old has to be back before dark unless she is bieng brought back. She actually prefers to be in before dark. I may seem a little over protective, but a few years ago my nieces 14 year old friend was murdered. She had gone out in the early evening to take the dog for a walk. It was summer so was still light.

sorry to hear that mummeee.

My 13 yo dd has to be in between 9-9.30 of a weekend. If she is going anywhere specific ie local disco and will be dropped off 10.30-11pm.
My 9yo ds has to be in by 8.00pm every night 8.30 on weekends. Saying that in winter months they have to be home b4 dark, or they can go to their mates houses or vice versa.they have to be in for that time though.
Elder dd's are working now and even though they are teenagers I have no real control over what time they come in. One has left home and in the forces, the other works during the day and has a night job too, so she hasnt got the time to go clubbing etc.
I think it depends on the maturity of the teenager too on determining what time you think they should be home for.Some teenagers act younger/older than what they really are.

Doormat. Does your 9 yearold just play outside with his frienad and does he come home on his own or is he collected. My 11 year olddd plays round at her friends house untill 8pm but I always collect her. If she is there during the day then she can come home by herself it is just round the corner from us. As I have said my 13 year olddd is allowed to go places with her friends. She often goes straight from school to her friends house and is brought back or collected at 9PM.She is allowed to go to town shopping but has to be back arond 5.30. If she was going to see a film and it ended later then this she would probably be allowed to do this as long as she was back by 7PM. My 11year old is not allowed to go to town by herself yet. She has gone round town with her sister when I have been with them. They just go off for an hour then meet me. This started when they wanted to get a present for me. The 11 year old is also allowed to go to the park with her friends but has to be in by 6PM. My 16 year old is very good and always tells me where she is going and when she will be back. She now makes arrangments with her friends and then tells me what time she will be back. She knows I like her back before dark and I don't just like her wandering around. She is allowed to stay at partys untill 11.30 but is always collected. I am sorry to go on for so long but it is a subject I feel strongly about. I don't like to see young girls just wandering around in the evening. Perhaps I would be different if I had boys.

mumeeee you sound very much in the same situation as me . My 16 yr old is home before dark, depends of time of year ! , i dont have problem with her going out till late if someone brings her home usually another parent or us.Not sure about after 12 yet!! 14 yr old dd is allowed to walk to friends and bk and go to local park but i like him bk home by 6 ish so i know where he is. 12 yr old dd doesnt really go out on own yet, dont have park near but i would let her down town as we have virtually door to door bus service.
I am becoming a bit more easy going with ds but he has to have phone with him or he doesnt go out!
None of them roam the streets can only see problems with doing so but i have an open house and as i work from home this is virtually 24/7.

i have a ten year old boy and 5 year old girl.they want to play out the front but the kids all end up arguing.then i go out to sort it out and end up arguing with my neighbour.i hate it ,im finding it very hard work with my 10 year old.how much freedom do you give them?

Piglet, my 2 are 10 and 5 also. We live on an estate with hundreds of kids (well it seems like it somedays!!). The eldest tends to go to the field at the top of the estate where he plays footie but he is very sensible and carries a mobile.
With regards to the arguements he has learnt to walk away at the first sign. The children will have forgotten about it the next day but once the adults get involved they tend to linger for years!

my 14 yr old boy has to check in with me at 6pm then ask if he can go out. he goes out on the front or on " the close" which is the cul de sac round the corner then he has to come back at 7.30 and ask again - i usually say no. as its time to eat, bath, books, etc.. plus then 11 yr old twinnies start with the " oh its not fair " bollox and i just can't be arsed so "no" is easier. the plus point is when i do say yes - its a big big deal!!

hubby recently let 14 yr old out til 8pm last weekend wwhilst i was up north visiting, i wasnt pleased but my FIL said "8pm isnt late for a 14 yr old" and i kinda agree. but am not going to change my mind becuase i know the walls of hell fire damnation and destruction are going to hit me when he is 15. and its my duty to keep him safe until he turns in to that beast which is ....... A FIFTEEN YEAR OLD AAARRRRGHHHH

My 10 year plays in the estate with lots of other children and its not a problem. He doesn't play outside when it is dark. My older son who is 13 is more of a problem. We do not allow him to hang around the streets. He has to have something structured happening such as going to the shopping centre, football, pictures, disco, or golf. There is a price to pay for this and that is being a taxi driver taking him to golf, football etc. He walks to the centre. The problem is his cousin gets much more freedom than he does which causes tension but he has already been in trouble with the police for breaking windows. Do any others have similar problems?

its always hard to know how much freedom to give a child but a lot of it depends on how mature the child is,ive had 14 yr olds i wouldnt feel comfortable about being out in the dark, and some i wouldnt worrie about at all,as long as they arnt walking around on there own in thew dark.i tend to prefer them to have there mates in,up in there room with portable t.v and sterio,

Mine are 15 and 16 and I sometimes worry that they don't go out enough!!!! I remember being mortified because my parents expected me in by 10 when I was 16!!So when they do go out I tend to be quite flexable!!!