What happens when a teenager goes into care.

[Whathappensincare]

Friend has asked for her 14 year old to be taken into care.

The daughter is running away staying out all night with 17 year old boyfriend, has been repeatedly excluded from school. Now has been expelled.

Mum has got to the end of her rope, daughter has lived with various members of family in the last few months, to try and put some space between Mum and daughter, to give them some breathing, but things just seem to get worse.

Daughter lived with grandparents for a lot of her younger life, but are now not in the position to have her back, and also feel that the girl needs more help with her anger and self esteem (which is non existent) than they can give.

The whole family ( girl and two half brothers are on the CP register) Stepfather was abusive physically to both Mum and Daughter, Father not close to daughter although has always seen her regularly.

What will happen to her, will she get the help she desperately needs, or will things just be worse.

Everybody is so worried about her.

I don't know if it depends upon which family takes you, but I know that sil and her friend are excellent foster careers and really do everything within their power to help the children.

Could SS not give the family support to stay together?

I used to work in a childrens home, although this was about 12+years ago so my experience may be out of date.

IME Social Services would do their best not to take children into care -all other options would be explored first like extended family (but I see this has already happened with this girl) and putting help into the family (family support, 1 to 1, family group work etc).

The next best option would be foster care but, more often than not, placements for teenagers are rare.

Residential care was often seen as a last resort. The home I worked in for example would often have young people who had exhausted every other avenue or their situation had reached a crisis point where there was no time to plan another placement.

I really don't want to sound negative here but I feel that I do need to say this. The young people would often pick up other behaviours from their peers in the home (behaviours that hadn't been an issue with them at the time of their admission) -offending, absconding, self-harm, drug/alcohol use, school exclusion etc.

However -please note that this was some time ago. I think childrens homes nowadays are a lot smaller and things have changed.

I would advise the family to take as much support and help as they can and work on this as a family.

Good luck

To be honest SS have be less than useless in the last year.

At the weekend when the girl disappeared again, Mum phoned the police, who looked for her, found her at boyfriends, Mum was told that there was nothing they could do as boyfrinds Mum was there so she was deemed safe.

Mum phoned out of hours SS, who said they were to busy, to phone her own SW on Monday!

I've got to go now (school run and work) but feel a bit bad by how negative my last post sounds.

Its not all negative in residential care but I just used to hate seeing (in some cases, not all) young peoples problems escalate and the family grow further apart.

Norbert that is what is worrying, that she will pick up more bad behviour, she is very easily led as it is.

She was very much yesterday as in the mind set yeah whatever, but this morning is very scared about what is going to happen to her, feels nobody loves her (which is not true, all her family do, but really want some help for her)

She has been assigned Anger management, counselling, etc, but never goes, and is never made to go, if Mum tries she just walks out, as she does with school.

If Mum gets her to school, she either walks out and gets excluded, or goes off on one till excluded, which is exactly what she wants (ie not to go to school) Mum has asked and asked for help, but all the SW says is to give her time, that she is a lovely girl (which she is under it all)but she does know how to work the sytem to get exactly what she wants.

The poor child has had a hell of a life, but there seems to be no way to turn her around before it is to late.

She wants to be a nursery nurse, is very good with children, but I cant see that ever happening, with the anger issues she has.

She shouldn't be allowed to give up on herself. By being placed in care, it confirmd that the family have given up on her, no wonder she has no self esteem.

I would be extremely surprised if she is placed in care. Social Services are more likely to assist with the parenting.

Encourage your friend to call the police every single time she goes off with the seventeen year old...he (and the mother) are taking the child out of the parent's control and can be dealth with.

I know someone very well who went through a similar thing as a teenager, and I'm sure she would be happy to talk with your friends daughter about the process (and fallout) of going into care as a teen. I haven't got CAT but please email me if you'd like her contact details, at [email protected]

Scurry it is not so much that they have given up on her, it is that they dont know how else to get help.

SS have been involved for a long time with this family. The police have been called everytime, they just say they can do nothing.

In fact SW last night actually advised that she be left with the boyfriend until a placement could be found.

She has admitted sleeping with him, at his home and that the Mother knows, but when asked by police denies it.

When Mum got her to go home last week, she ran off again, Police told her that if she dragged her home and grounded her and locked the door, she would be charged with unlawful imprisonment.

wrinkly will email you, thank you.

Well the decision has been made to have her stay with her maternal uncle for the next two weeks.

She is not to be disciplined, to be allowed to come and go as she pleases as the SW feels 'if she has nothing to argue against she will come in at a reasonable time herself'

Bollocks!

She also dosnt have to go to school until she is in the right frame of mind.

In two weeks it will all be reviewed.

Her Mum is disparing, her Dad is now going to try to get her to go to him, but as she has never with him, he really has no idea what he is taking on, although his wife, is training to be a youth leader, so may be able to help there.

I hope it all works out for her....tricky time ahead, no doubt.

I understand that now, it must be horrendous.I was trying to see it all from her point of view....even though the family would never give upon her, that may be her perception of the situation.

(((((maryz))))) & (((((op))))) we are in similar position with DS1, but he's now 18.

I don't know what the answer is. Dh was put into foster care as a teenager. He has never forgiven his parents. It resolved nothing but exacerbated his feelings of isolation and rejection. The foster parents could not "fix" behaviour which was the result of very deep seated emotional issues.

I am not saying that what your friend is proposing could never be the right answer, but that it should not be viewed as a quick fix and may in fact make things a lot worse for the child.

i work with many teens who are in care...it can go either way. tbh...it would be something that i would try to avoid at all costs.

is it possible for her to have a "holiday" somewhere...getting away and changing everything for a few weeks? what about indulging her with loads of attention, letting her choose bonding experiences with her mum or dad..like outdoor pursuit type things?

i think if it were me, i would speak to the boyfriends mum and try to get her on side...allow her to stay there. make sure she has contraception sorted. try to rebuild her self esteem and also try to take baby steps to rebuilding the relationship....

does she have access to youth workers? lots of things can be arranged through them...mentors, non judgemental discussions where they will discuss things through with her, and also challenge her own thoughts...

oops. just realsied that i'm really late to this....i hope things work out.

nothing will be solved overnight...has her mum talked to her about how things are, and what the dd wants?? it may be something that can be comprimised on...better than a no win situation all round...