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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

abortion and young teens

29 replies

oxocube · 20/05/2010 19:01

My dd is almost 13, she has had the sex ed talks at school, I am open to questions about sex, drugs, smoking etc and we have (at the moment) a very good and open relationship. She has recently asked about my personal experiences eg 'how many boyfriends did you sleep with before daddy?', 'did you ever take drugs?' etc. I feel a hypocrite to lie and yet I don't want to give too much info away as I think some things are private.

The latest questions have been about abortion and am I pro-choice? I said definitely yes. She then asked if I had ever had an abortion. The answer is yes and I feel it was right for me at the time but is it appropriate to share this with a 13 year old? She is a sensible 13 but I appreciate that this is a very emotive subject. A few of her friends have strong religious beliefs (not that I think she would necessarily share this with them)

Where do we draw the line between openess and personal discretion?

OP posts:
minipie · 21/05/2010 19:52

I think that it all depends on how you feel about the abortion you had.

If it's a decision you were and are comfortable with, then I think it could be helpful to a 13 year old to explain why you did it, why it was the right thing at the time, the fact that many others don't agree with it but your views are [insert here].

There are so many views floating around about abortion that I think it would be helpful for a teen girl to have a view from someone she knows and trusts, to counteract some of the more extreme nonsense that gets spouted.

oxocube · 22/05/2010 07:28

Lots of interesting posts. I am still thinking this one through for the next time the subject comes up

OP posts:
kolacubes · 22/05/2010 20:30

There is a gap between my sister and I, and i had always asked when growing up why and whether there were any in between us.

I was told no.

Anyway last year my mother gave me all my personal paperwork from childhood (school reports etc) in amongst this was her pregnancy card, which showed that she had two pregnancies before me. I asked my sister about it and she said mum had had an abortion, and my sister said she thought I already knew about it.

I haven't asked mum, don't know how to bring it up. But I feel betrayed that it was never mentioned on all the occassions I asked.

So my advice is either say at some point, or ensure it is never known.

deaddei · 23/05/2010 13:53

I have had this converstaion with dd (13) who brought it up after a discussion at school.
I told her that I had one (she asked), many years ago, and well before I was with dh.
I said it is a private thing, and I wouldn't want it repeated her friends as some people would be shocked, even though it's not any of her business.
She's quite sensible, and that has been the end for now. I'm sure as she gets older she will bring it up again- but I felt I couldn't lie about i. If she gets pregnant (god forbid) I would hope she could talk to me about it as I was in that position (though in my 20s)
I never took drugs (smug) but drank a lot!

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