Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Is ds getting anti social and should I worry?

13 replies

mumblechum · 08/05/2010 14:41

DS is 15. Does lots of sport, 4 or 5 lots of rowing per week plus karate & is sort of in a band but they just get togethr once in a blue moon and haven't performed yet.

Until yr 10 he was always out at weekends, going to the cinema most Saturdays after rowing, etc. Had 2 close friends and about 4 or 5 others who he'd hang out with.

These days, he often can't be bothered to do anything at weekends after the rowing training & any races have been done. His friendship group has changed since the tutor groups were shaken up in September, but he's still got one of his orignal close friend, a new close friend and about 2 or 3 others.

EG today, he was supposed to be going to a fair in the afternoon, with a friend's mum picking them up after training, lunch at the friend's house, going to the fair & I'd have picked him up at teatime. Instead he called me straight after training to say it was raining & he couldn't be bothered going to the fair as it's wet and he didn't want to blow loads of money (he's saving for quite a few things at the moment), so he's been sat in his room all afternoon on the ps3.

I just suggested that he called another close friend (who always does all the running in terms of invitations to ds etc) & said I'd run them down to Pizza Express & to get a dvd & the friend could stay for a sleepover. He was really disinterested & is often like that now. He says he enjoys his own company but I do worry that if he keeps cancelling things & only ever doing stuff when other people invite him he'll end up doing nothing outside school except sports. The phone doesn't ring for him anywhere near as often as it used to. He just says he sees enough of people at school and wants to hang out by himself. I know another mate up the road is likely to pop round later today or tomorrow as he normally does, and ds will be pleased to see him, they'll have a laugh together and they often end up having an impromptu sleepover.

WWYD? Leave him in peace or keep prodding?

Sorry this is long.

OP posts:
mumblechum · 08/05/2010 15:50

anyone?

OP posts:
Lilymaid · 08/05/2010 16:09

He sounds completely normal for a boy of his age. My DSs had periods when they really couldn't be bothered to go out with friends but would be chatting to them on MSN/playing games over Internet etc. He could be hanging around the streets instead - then you would be worried.

mumblechum · 08/05/2010 16:11

That's true, actually, they all had anonline battle on COD last night for a couple of hours.

OP posts:
basildonbond · 08/05/2010 18:15

ds(13) is a bit like this - he'll quite often have tentative social arrangements for the weekend and then cancel, saying he doesn't feel like going out

He has a lively group of friends at school and does loads of sport with a different group of friends and that seems to be enough much of the time

sometimes I worry he's a bit of a hermit, but I'm assuming that it's not a problem for him so it shouldn't really be a problem for me

FairyLightsForever · 08/05/2010 18:32

I get the impression with my DS (13) that he does so much during the week, that he likes to chill out at weekends.
He's sociable at school and has plenty of mates, so I wouldn't worry too much.

mumblechum · 08/05/2010 18:54

Thanks for the reassurance. He thinks I'm ridiculous for wanting him to be doing something with other people all the time.

OP posts:
supersalstrawberry · 08/05/2010 19:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lazymumofteenagesons · 09/05/2010 22:22

Although I agree with most of what the others say the only thing to watch out for is the change of behaviour. If you have the type of child who has never been terribly sociable then thats fine. But its the change from going out most weekends to not that needs watching. Just keep an eye that it is just a bit of lazyness and there is no underlying issue causing the change. This is said with unfortunately some experience of a change like you describe where there was a mental health issue involved and this was the first sign that something was amiss.

Remotew · 09/05/2010 22:30

It sounds as though his life is around sport which is great and he is interacting with friend through this.

All teens are different as I have learnt having a DD nearly 16 who just hasn't been interested in hanging out with the rest of them. She does have friends if she wants to make an effort. The phone stopped ringing a few years ago as she distanced herself, don't know why.

Don't worry, at least you know where he is and what he is doing and he is keeping out of teenage trouble. Strange, I know, when they prefer to be home.

I would leave in him in peace as long as he seems happy in himself.

mumblechum · 10/05/2010 07:51

Thanks everyone. DS not talking to me now as I was nagging him a bit last night by suggesting that he invite his friend up the road to come for tea.

He's basically spent the entire weekend, except for Saturday morning, in his room.

I think next weekend his friend is having a small birthday party so will probably be going to that.

I think a lot of it is my hangup as I was q. insular as a teen and don't want him to be like me.

OP posts:
abr1de · 10/05/2010 08:01

My son is like this. OFten in the holidays I worry that he's spending too much time alone but I think some boys just need to be by themselves to catch up with their thoughts.

They're going through so much anyway as adolescents.

piscesmoon · 10/05/2010 08:09

I think that a lot of boys are like that. My DS has plenty of friends but he is never proactive.

AnyFucker · 10/05/2010 08:13

Sounds completely normal to me

And like he is growing up...I mean, would you like to trog around a boring funfair in the rain ??

My dd (14), after a couple of years of never seeing her, now spends most of her time with us, at home. It's like when they get their freedom they go mad with it for a while, then the novelty wears off

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread