How would you deal with your teen smoking?

[pinkbraces]

My dsd has just been chatting with her dad, my dh on facebook and has confided in him that she has tried cigarettes and likes them and wants to carry on. She is 14 and has recently started to hang around with older kids and now has a 16 year old boyfriend.

Whilst its great that she can talk to DH he/we are unsure how to handle this, he wants to ground her until she is 21.
I think he should talk to her about how disappointed he is and perhaps stop pocket money which would limit her funds.

Dsd lives with her mum but has a very difficult relationship with her, if dh speaks to ex all hell will break loose and dsd will probably never tell him anything again. DH is already talking to his ex re ensuring dsd has more discipline and less freedom, which is proving very difficult.

Any advice on how to handle this would be gratefully received.

I would advise chatting to her as if she were a grown up - ask why she likes it, what does she think the good things about smoking are, how does she plan to afford cigarettes?

Once you know her reasons you can start to pick them apart a bit - point out to her that she is 50% more likely than a non smoker to get any sort of cancer. Women who smoke are more likely to get cervical cancer. Remind her that she will smell pretty disgusting, making her less appealing to the opposite sex. Tell her that she is more likely to get oral cancer (Google some of the images, they are pretty horrible and may have a visual impact for her).

I think if you can advise her fairly calmly and intelligently she may be more likely to respond.

Agree with sidge - she's acted like an adult bring truthful and open, and deserves to be treated as one.

Telling her not to smoke will unlikely work. Make sure she's aware of the dangers but in an informal manner, but ultimately tell her it is her choice and that you don't like it and would she please refrain from doing it around you. Guilt tripping works.

She sounds too mature to simply 'treat as a child'.

Just to add - DONT tell her it will make her less attractive to the opposite sex, chances are her friends/ boyfriend smoke and she'll think you haven't got a clue and therefore disregard everything else you say.

Just speaking from experience, I'm not an expert.

thanks for your responses - I agree with DSM re the oopposite sex as we think the reason she has tried cigarettes is because her boyfriend does. She has acted like an adult by being truthful but is still a child, and not a very mature one.

We are seeing her tomorrow so DH will be having a long chat with her.

Consider a contract.

Offer her £100 (or whatever it takes) if she does not smoke until her 18 birthday.

Otherwise known as a bribe.

Just one of those things - sadly. I am a life long anti smoker and my oldest DS smokes. He is a student. They smoke! Hopefully they will grow out of it. I work in a theatre and since the smoking ban hardly anyone ever goes out in the interval to smoke unless there is a university show then nearly the whole of the audience disappears. Not really worth getting stressed about. If she wants to smoke she will, you can't really stop her and bribery won't work. She could just say she doesn't smoke and take the £100. Wouldn't you? Good luck!!

I HATE the fact that my DSD smokes, especially as she spends a lot of time with my DD who is 2.... but sadly there is nothing I can do about it. I can forbid her smoking in the jouse but she is still going to do it. So I just have to accept it.

As the above poster said, hopefully she will grow out of it in time...

I think you could definitely stop or limit her pocket money for it - it's illegal for a start at her age.

But ultimately it's not going to stop her doing it. Hopefully she will grow out of it! A lot of people do.