Older DD has rent to pay and no money !

[maltesers]

My DD of 19 yrs is away at University and studying to be a Child Health Nurse. She is in debt with her rent, has paid 1000 already to recover the debt , but still has £700 to pay by 1st June. If she doesnt pay up then she will be served a notice to quit. She is really worried, and so am I: but i think she has brought it upon herself, spending too much on clothes, travel clubbing etc. I am a single parent with a9 yr ds at home still and not much money. My dad and i keep helping her out, but enuf is enuf. Dont know where to turn or what to do. I cant ask my dad to help out again. He has only just put £90 into her account last weekend coz her allowance from her own dad had not yet gone into , due to the Bank Hol.
Any advice is greatly appreciated, although i know you may say let her be thrown out and come home. Its hard to stomach this idea, and horrible to cope with. I will go Dotty if she comes home. (she is 20 yrs in Oct)
She cant appeal to her dad , who she has very little Bond with and is very stern and unapproacheable .
Please help . Thnks .

don't the university have debt counsellors to help with this kind of thing - or student welfare officer?

P.S. Wasnt sure where to post.. . . . . . .
I know she is not really a teenager as such...still, but this behaviour and the trouble it is causing is part of difficult teenagers stuff.

She has to learn somehow. It is tough but if she has been bailed out already and has not learnt her lesson then maybe being kicked out is the best option. Does she have a job? Can she get one?
I was totally self sufficient throughout uni. Worked two jobs while studying full time. It's hard but it's life.

yes true , she must learn She has been a hand ful though teenage years, and has been a teen terror from hell (just upset and angry that me and her dad are not together since she was 3 yrs) She is learning slowly, and i hope after this she will try and budget and save her money more.

thankyou KEW , i will ask her bout this.

I'd phone to Uni to find out if there's a debt counsellor and if so pass the details on to her.

It would be a shame if she has to stop the course because of poor money management.

Could she ask her dad for more money?

i'd point her in teh direction of Shelter and national debt helpline/consumer credit counselling - both free - and if you don't have the money to bail her out, then you don't have the money to bail her out.

She needs to apply for the university Access to Learning fund. But they will ask for a detailed list of expenditure, and I'm afraid that if she has been spending money on clothes and going out, I'm not sure they'll be overly sympathetic

she needs to work, imo, to learn the value of money.

If it was my DD I would tell her to increase her overdraft and then get a job over the summer to pay it off. I would hope the scare would stop her doing it again.

Is it a private rental agreement? When DD1 goes into her second year she will be in a shared house and I had to sign an agreement as a guarantor which means if she defaults on her rent I will be liable.

you can't keep bailing her out because she's already shown this does not help her learn to value and respect money.

better for her to learn this now.

Her dad already gives her £250 every month...he will prob say NO...she is even too scared to ask him. She has just text me back saying there is a debt councillor at uni. but she is working till friday and its closed at weekends. i will tell her to try to get there after work on friday if she doesnt get away too late.
Thankyou mnetters ! keep posting

she needs to get in to see debt counsellor.

£700 is a lot of money to many people.

I plucked up courage and text her Dad, who is away on business abroad at the mo, but after much persuasion he has reluctantly agreed to pay her debt. In the mean time my dad has very kindly (hell knows how) offered to cover the rent debt by end of May ....phew ! I ended up in tears when my dad offered this. I cant thank him enough. I am going to buy him a nice present and card. He is a brilliant Dad of 81 yrs !!!

maltesers,

Your DD should not be enabled like this as she is not seeing the consequences of her actions. Well meaning help like this will backfire on you - she could very well get into debt again and then what?. It is your daughter's problem and she is old enough to take responsibility for her finances.

No more bailing her out, you were the one that got the ball rolling this time re extra funds for your DD. You should not be acting as the bank of Mum and Dad.

All enabling does is give you a false sense of control and this does not help your daughter.

Sorry but I think you have a painful few years ahead if you carry on like this. I think you must tell her that:

a) the money formher grandfather is a loan and she must repay it. Relying on an 81 year old who has (presumably) worked hard all his life and should now be enjoying what money he has, not giving it to his grand-daughter to fritter it all away
b) dealing with her own father not through you.

Tell her this is th elast time (and mean it).

Tell her to get a job on the bank as a Health Care Support Worker. Plenty of nursing students do. Shes under no obligation to work so can choose not to when busy with assignments, etc but in quiet weeks she could work a couple of shifts.

This money can be used towards paying your dad back. I think in the mean time lay the guilt trip on her that she has taken so much money from a pensioner just so that she can go out drinking, etc.

This is going to keep happening if she doesn't have to sort it out for herself. Tell her to get an overdraft to pay you and then a job to pay the overdraft back. Halifax have interest free ones, up to £1500 for first years and £3500 (i think) for last year degree students.

Also maybe set up an ebay account for her to sell all the extra clothes she has, that is how I make money when I need extra cash not budgetted for a broken washing machine earlier this year

Yes, good points to concider mnetters....thankyou !

oh, and i dont know why your ex is giving her £250 a month. what loans/grants etc does she get? they should be covering her rent at the very least. and if someone else is footing the bill, |£250 is way too much. if she cant afford it, she shouldnt be going out. £20 a week on food MAX.
she needs to sort it out herself and learn some responsibility. i know its hard but its the only way to stop this irresponsible behaviour.

sorry if thats harsh, have strong views on this [DD at uni]

God that's a lot of money she has a month! Why on earth isn't she working thro college? I'm sorry but bailing her out is a nice short term solution but chances are unless she gets a grip on the reality of money she'll be in the same position a few months down the line and what then?

She needs to see the uni debt people pronto.. they will help her make a plan for her outgoings and incomings .

My eldest is off to uni in september to do medicine, won't get more than the loans and is working every hour she can while revising for her A levels because she knows how difficult it is going to be... we are hoping to send her £30 a week so she can eat , but that's all we can manage. I wish we could help more but I also think that the work ethic that my DD1 is developing will help her thro life. Her loan will only cover her rent as med students do longer terms

The bank health care job is a great idea.. also doing child care she could do direct payments work for children with disabilities if she was interested.. as a parent of a disabled child I know that parents are usually desperate to find carers so if she popped into the nearest special school they'd snap her up!

Hope she can get sorted soon!!

Thanks guys !! Saw her this weekend and she is realising she will have to cut back...but living in London is so expensive. I took her out for 2 meals and paid for taxis and undeground/bus fare and spent over £70 in just two days. It costs her £ 10 every 3 days just to get to her work placement in ICH Hospital .