DS 17 is this an eating disorder?

[whathaveidonewrong]

DS4 is 17 and for several years, since earning money for a paper round, he has been spending most of his money on chocolate and fizzy drinks - I mean bags full! He has even stolen money from us, though not recently. He has AS exams in a few weeks but there is not much evidence of revision - he doesn't listen or act on any advice given by us or his older brothers. He has caused many rows over the years and a big rift last year when he stole photos and undies(!) from my oldest son's girlfriend. I restrict his access to money and have made sure he puts money away for uni. But anything else he does not budget. He drew money out on Friday supposedly for a night out (the first!) and a fathers day present. It has all gone on chocs and fizzy drinks - I found the evidence today. Am I being to harsh? Should I just let him spend his money how he likes - after all he is earning it. But then how would he be able to copy with a unit loan? I have visions of it all going within a couple of weeks and as we are both retired/redundant we would not be able to help out. Sorry this seems really garbled - just wrote it as I thought it!

I think you have got a number of issues going on here all linked to your DS acting in an immature way.

Firstly the AS exams - from your DS's point of view everyone is nagging at him both you and his brothers. Just explain that if he'll give you a bit of an outline of his revision plans then you'll leave him to it. If he seems lost then you can help him organise a revision plan but get the rest of the family off his back because that isn't helping.

The money aspect - lots of kids his age are daft with money and he probably does need a bit of guidance with it but I would back off about that one till after exams. Perhaps giving him a bit more freedom with his money will help him to get some of the silly spending out of the way before he goes to university. I would ask him why he buys so many sweets in an interested rather than judgy way - My DCs will buy sweets and fizzy drinks (a bit of teenage rebellion against healthy eating) but not to an excessive degree. I think perhaps you need to have a chat with him about managing his money better but bear in mind that university will still seem ages away to him so keep it to what is relevant to him now. Does he need money for going out? clothes? music?

The brothers girlfriend/stealing - obviously there is a bit of history here and is your DS stuff in the "black sheep" role? It is difficult in families to move on from these things and everyone bears their own little grudges. My eldest DD was a complete pain for a while and even though I forgave her for the things she did it took DH and her sister longer to stop being annoyed at her. Perhaps this is clouding everyone's judgment of him and he isn't getting the chance to move on.

You are sure it's spent on chocs and fizzy drinks? Nothing worse? Seems a little strange. Buy some to keep in the house for everyone and perhaps he will ease off spending on them himself.