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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

When do you stop leaving DCs alone in their rooms with "friends" of the opposite sex??

13 replies

brummiemummie · 17/04/2010 17:25

DS2 (12) was quite good friends with a girl when he was at primary school and I used to let them play in his room for hours on end, no problem, just going up to check on them occasionally. He had another girl round one day this week and I, still thinking of him as my "little boy", just waved them on up to his bedroom without a care in the world.

DD1 has been on Facebook, come downstairs and said "I didn't know DS2 was going out with S", S being the girl he had round . I still think of him as being so young at 12 (although now I think about it he has smelt overpoweringly of Lynx for the last couple of weeks so I should probably have known ). The older DCs were all at least 14 when they had their first boyfriends/girlfriends; 12 is that funny in between age where everyone is at such different stages of development that you're not quite sure what to expect

Should I let them go in his room together in future or should I insist they stay downstairs where I can keep an eye on them?

Also, do I need to have another "talk" with DS about...well, I don't know what about really. I don't want to put ideas in his head but if the ideas are already there I'd like to discourage them. But how do I do both??!

OP posts:
FairgroundTown · 17/04/2010 18:44

How about a 'Door Open' rule?

mjinhiding · 19/04/2010 16:08

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TheFutureMrsClooney · 19/04/2010 21:16

Just showed the thread to my DD (14) and she rolled her eyes and said, "Mums are so stupid, no one my age really does it and certainly not with their parents in the house!".......I came home from work today and found her with a friend. They've been mates since they were 4 and it seems daft to ban him now, I just have to trust her.

mjinhiding · 19/04/2010 23:18

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TheFutureMrsClooney · 20/04/2010 08:42

Yes, I'd agree, just glad I seem to have raised a prude (at the moment, anyway).

I think if they're going to do it, they'll find a way regardless of your rules on friends in bedrooms - I know I did!

thesecondcoming · 20/04/2010 08:56

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CoupleofKooks · 20/04/2010 09:01

if they want to have sex they will find a way, and it'll be somewhere scummy like a mate's floor or some bushes in the park if they have to
what you need to concentrate on is giving them the tools and the self esteem to stay in charge of their sexual relationships and steer them the way they want to go - ie saying no if they are not ready, trying other forms of exploration before full sex etc

trying to make sure they are physically never alone together is not going to work unless you have them under 24 hour guard
my mother went to ridiculous lengths to keep me and my boyfriend apart AT NIGHT when i was 16 - like sex only happens at night time and in a bed

thesecondcoming · 20/04/2010 09:30

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posieparker · 20/04/2010 09:35

I got too advanced in a bf's bedroom at 11.....knew it aft6er and never did it again, and I didn't lose my virginity until I was 'in love' at nearly 17 with a l;ong term boyfriend. Secondary school would be my cut off.

posieparker · 20/04/2010 09:36

TSC, safe from pregnancy but not from STIs.

thesecondcoming · 20/04/2010 09:41

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mjinhiding · 20/04/2010 16:42

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oxocube · 20/04/2010 20:56

I am SO with CoupleofKooks on this. I honestly believe communication is the key. My ds (14) had a girlfriend, hardly ever came to the house mind you, and I asked him if they were having or considering having sex. Actuallt his reaction was 'definitely not' and he said that no one in his year group, to his knowledge, was sexually active.

I am not an 'in your face' mum and I don't constantly badger my kids about their private lives (in fact I discovered he and said gf had split up because he changed his FaceBook status to single!) but I do have a very good relationship with all of them. When I caught ds smoking weed in his bedroom on a Sunday afternoon because 'he was bored', he was grounded and all funds stopped but we continued to communicate about this and other issues.

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