How involved are you in bedtime?

[brassick]

Not strictly just about teenagers - dd1 is 13, dd2 will be 11 soon.

They go to bed at 9:30 (dd1) and 9:15 (dd2)- that 15 minute gap is very important to dd1 you understand ,

After so many years of bath then story, followed by years of "upstairs, clean teeth, have you been to the toilet, what are you doing tomorrow" etc, we are now at the stage of "night mum", a kiss and that's it. I am finding it strange adjusting to this lack of involvement.

I would be interested to know what other families' bedtime routine with children of similar ages is? Are we unusual, or is this something I can stop feeling guilty about?

DS1 (17) takes himself off when he's ready but gives us both a kiss goodnight, DD (15)does same but insists on a cuddle for about 10 minutes and DS2 (13) needs to be bawled at about 100 times before he gets going!!

I find myself more bereft in the early evening when we're all in and they are getting on with their stuff and really don't need me around even though I feel I should be!!

Still do bedtime story with the 9yo; 13yo occasionally drops in to listen if it's a good book and of general interest. Other than that, I just tell 9yo to go to bed, and 13yo kind of sorts herself out.

DD13 & DD10
I haven't done a bedtime routine in years. For the elder DD she has no set bedtime and just goes to be when she feels tired. Sometimes this is 9pm, some nights much later, especially at weekends/holidays or if her friend stays over. Never have a problem with this as she is very sensible and always gets up for school etc. She just says goodnight and disappears to bed or if she is watching TV downstairs I might say goodnight and go to bed myself.
On the other hand the younger DD is supposed to go to bed at 9pm as she is an early riser and doesn't sleep later if she stays up. So I start by asking her to go to bed, then I tell her to go to bed now, and then I yell at her. She will then get herself ready for bed and clean her teeth (she prefers it if me or DP are upstairs with her) then she finds everyone for a kiss, then she goes to the loo, then she comes downstairs for a drink. Eventually our patience runs out and she gets shouted at to go to bed.
No idea what will happen when she goes up to senior school next year and is supposed to have a free bedtime.

Bedtimes for DDs (12 and 10) involve me little aside from chivvying them up to wash, brush teeth etc. But they do both like a bedtime kiss/cuddle once they are in bed so I still do that.

And if there's anything on their minds this is often when they will talk so I make myself available for that if needed.

My dd (13) goes to bed about 8.00 while ds (11) is 8.30. Until last year she went at 7- purely her decision. She loves her bed! Both are up at 7 without me waking them.
I still tuck in, dd goes to sleep really quickly, ds reads and listens to music.
No phones allowed in bedrooms, and they only have cd players.
Memories of Bonting- I too made a Bonting outfit for my dd. And Dogger- I loved that.

DD2 (10) tell her to get undressed etc, kiss and hug, "nightnight, sweetheart", then bed.

DD1 (14) - usually if I get up at midnight for the toilet - "Are you still up? Turn that light off! NOW!"

!6 yo shuffles off the bed at anywhere between 9pm and 1am. We've stopped patrolling his bedtime since he started 6th form, but never had to before as he preferred to go to bed at 9pm and get up at 5am. Now we just laugh at him if he's tired in the morning from not going to bed early enough (is that the kind of involvement you had in mind?)

15 yo needs reminding at 9:30 that bedtime is coming up (10 for her).

12 yo needs reminding at 8:30 that bedtime is coming up at 9pm (she needs more sleep than her siblings).

They all do everything else alone. It's fab!

Until about three years ago, they had a story read to them every evening. I feel sad that we seem to have outgrown that, but glad that we have a new baby to start it all up again with.

We still have a kind of routine for DD (13) in that she likes to 'chat' at that time while she's getting ready - quite often it's when she's at her most talkative! (unless she's waaaayy past the tired stage!). I wouldn't say I'm involved though as she does all the 'bits' herself - she just likes a bit of one-on-one time.

ds 1 (16) kiss on the head and how was your day. Usually over and done with in a matter of seconds unless like yesterday there was the how was your exam tagged on the end.

ds2 (14) likes to be tucked in and formally bid good night by each member of the family one by one. the order can change but not the ritual

ds3 (11) likes to be tucked in and have me and mum time when we chat for about 20 minutes and then he likes to run through whats happening the next day. Still likes to say his prayers (literally wizzes through so fast you can't make out the thanks for keeping me safe during the day now do it during the night Amen)then its a hug and a kiss and light out unless he want to read for a bit.