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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

OMG Boys! I am so not ready for this.

18 replies

EccentricaGallumbits · 01/04/2010 16:45

DD1 (13) has just trotted off to a mixed group sleepover. I am not wholly comfortable but she is sensible as are her friends.

DD2 (12) keeps talking about one specific boy. has done for months. She hasn't told me but I have deduced they are 'going out'.

oh help. Is it time to pop some condoms inthe bathroom cupboard next to the 18 different sorts of period protection.

OP posts:
chimpsmostwelcome · 01/04/2010 17:21

I have a daughter the same age, and I'm not sure I would let mine do a mixed sleepover. Maybe that's to do with my own upbringing, and age (wrong side of 40). My son did have his g/f to stay at around 14 and I conveniently put her in the room next to ours. Hmm tough one. In my opinion 13 is far too young to start providing condoms, but statistics show that this is the age that girls experience sex for the first time. Do you discuss sex/contraception with her?

rey · 01/04/2010 17:22

13!

2shoeskickedtheeasterbunny · 01/04/2010 17:24

I don't think I would have let ds go to a mixed sleepover at that age.

TulipsInTheRain · 01/04/2010 17:25

oh god... i've only got 7 years before it starts? [shudders]

Quattrocento · 01/04/2010 17:26

DD is 12 and has a boyfriend. So far it has amounted to nothing more than going to the cinema or the odd bit of shopping.

So far ...

No134 · 01/04/2010 17:28

My dd is nearly 15 and I wouldn't let her go to a mixed-sex sleepover tbh. And she's super-sensible as it happens, but I just wouldn't.

Lizzylou · 01/04/2010 17:33

Shit I only have 7 years before some dirty girl like his mother gets her claws into DS1

I would say 13 is too young for a mixed sex sleepover tbh, I know a lot of my peers lost their virginity at this age.

PixieOnaLeaf · 01/04/2010 17:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Lizzylou · 01/04/2010 18:01

Pixie, that is very interesting, I used to lie to my Mom about where I was going/what I was doing all the time as she was so strict. I went berserk once I got to Uni and had some freedom.
I always said I would never be as strict, seems I have to do some work on that

ant3nna · 01/04/2010 18:16

I went to mixed sleepovers at that age as (obviously did most of my friends). I was one of the youngest of my groups of friends to lose my virginity and I was 18 at the time. Most of them didn't have sex until they went to university.

I wouldn't put condoms in the bathroom though if only because you will be out of your mind with worry if any of them disappear.

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 01/04/2010 18:26

I would not provide condoms - I would make sure I had had conversations about having the confidence to say what she does or doesn't want to do, regardless of what her friendship group are or are not doing. We had lots of chat at this age about all the things people had done, only to find out later that they were fibs/exagerations of the truth.

Original poster
EccentricaGallumbits · 01/04/2010 18:28

it is perhaps too early for providing condoms. they both know all about contraception, STIs, pregnancy etc.

my aim is to be so graphic open with them it'll put them off a bit. and I would rather know they are staying with a big group of mates than them lying about sleeping over at someone elses and me not knowing what they are up to.

I have also hacked her facebook so I can keep an eye on who says what and to whom.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 01/04/2010 18:38

I would stress all the self-respect stuff and being sensible, and that she has your trust but that it comes with expectations of how to behave. Agree that condom-flashing is read as tacit approval.

EggentricaGallumbits · 01/04/2010 18:41

tis a proven fact that billions spent on contraceptive education for teenagers hasn't reduced the teenage pregnancy rates by much. (sorry - dissertation topic rearing it's hideous head)

will start banging on about self respect and being able to make the right choices. loudly. and in the car when their friends are there - that's always quite funny.

inthesticks · 02/04/2010 13:47

I think 13 is probably about the right age for this, if it's a big group, before they get to the BF/GF stage.
DS1 who is now 14, did lots of these last summer with a mixed group of friends. They had a great time. I did do the big talk first but I agree 13 is too young to hand out condoms.

I won't let him do it again though, and he knows this, because he now has a girlfriend and many of the others in the group have "paired up".

solo · 02/04/2010 14:08

It's not just girls though...
Ds is 11.8 and now has a 'Gf'...So, on the way home from visiting Grandma's, I gave him the 'talk'. Told him all about the rubbish he'll hear his friends talking about; what they all 'do' with their Gf's etc. Told him they would be lying! and that he was far too young to be touching boobs and things and that when a girl says no, it means NO etc...he turned around and said...'Gf's mum had this very same talk with her yesterday!' I said 'I like Gf's mum already!'

It is a scary time, not least because we all know what we got up to way back when(some of us)and because the prospect of our 'babies' becoming pg/getting their Gf's pg or catching something is just not what we want for them...well, that's my own concern anyway.
I wont be encouraging Ds to do anything other than a kiss and cuddle(and he came home from walking her home last week excitedly telling me he'd had his first kiss!)and I wont be introducing condoms to him for years a while yet. He's just not old enough IMO, even though he's a mature boy.
I guess if we are all giving them the talk and being as open as possible, our Dc's will still be virgins when they are 16

Remotew · 02/04/2010 14:23

If they want to have bf/gf's as young teens they will no matter if we want them to or not. I remember being this age and I was a veteran not a virgin at 16. In a way I wish I'd been able to talk to my mum about sex but I never could, at all. Keep the lines of communication open and realise that it's a quite likely they will experiment underage.

I've been lucky with DD that way and she is 16 very soon. Phew!

inthesticks · 02/04/2010 16:29

As part of "the talk" I also warned DS of the unintended consequences of getting too intimate. i.e. although he and GF have agreed not to have sex they should be aware of their hormonal bodies telling them otherwise.
Actually I was more graphic than that..

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