Teenage addiction - CoD strikes again

[lairymum99]

Apologies if this is old hat on MN ...

My nearly 15 yo DS got an xbox about 6 months ago and plays Call of Duty with a bunch of friends. Then came CoD6, which I bought for him as a reward for something or other, not realising it's a cert 18.

Bad enough? Read on.

He plays all night, every night, it's all he wants to do. He won't come down to dinner, claims he has no homework, won't go to bed at the agreed time (10pm), consequently has trouble getting up in the morning ..... you get the idea.

He plays with the headset on, meeting his mates online, chatting and bantering happily, getting a huge buzz out of the whole thing. His language is atrocious, he thinks it's cool to swear non-stop, as do his mates.

Obviously, I am not happy with the situation and am doing my best to manage it. However,the heady combination of DS's xbox addiction to this violent game, flexing his teenage muscles in terms of rebelling against authority, and his dad being absent makes for constant conflict in the house.

Every attempt at restricting his time on the xbox ends in an argument, every boundary is ignored, every agreement broken. He swears at me to 'get the fuck out of my room'.

I'm sure you can guess the rest: Things came to a head, as a result of which the xbox is now confiscated.

What do I do next? If I don't let him have the xbox back, he will never forgive me. If I do give it back, what's changed? TBH I wish I never bought the damn thing - but how do you get the genie back into the bottle?!

Get rid of the internet connection on it - is that possible?????

Let him have it for only certain hours on certain days?

Weekends only or something?

How is he accessing the online server? I'm guessing that there is a Wifi/ADSL box somewhere connecting to the internet.

Can you block the ports that [[https://support.steampowered.com/kb_article.php?ref=8571-GLVN-8711 CoD uses]?

Cancel the subscription to online. If you cant do this take away the lead. He is 14 and you need to take control back.
Ds is 14 and got a free trial which ran out on a game he had for online. We just didnt renew it.

i have this to with ds.

there are controls...parental controls which i have set to switch off after 2 hours

if he gets lippy,switch the electric off!!

sorry dont know how x box works. Have same trouble with PS3 and hide controllers/ headset etc. Have taken them to work on occasion. Speaking very loudly into head set about need to finish homework/ go to bed mortifies my ds.

He has an internet socket in his room - seemed a good idea at the time ... .

I know i know .. this all sounds like poor parenting on my part. You can all get on your high horses if you want to - i've heard all the arguments. The thing is, I have an uneasy feeling that my situation is probably more commonplace than we think. I would love to hear from anyone else facing the same issues.

Meanwhile, unhelpfully, XH thinks that DS should be allowed to keep the xbox and we (iow: me!) will just have to manage it.

Interim solution: xbox is staying at dad's until i've worked out what to do!

sounds like a grat solution to me.

yes i have had this problem with ds from time to time, he gets immersed. it can change his moods too.

i used to ssay " right edtime i want the controllers" and every edtime i would get the controllers and put them in my bedroom until the next day.

severe punishments means games systems end up in the boot of my car - that way he can't get to it.

How often does he see/stay at his Dads? could that be the solution

He sees dad every other weekend and sometimes for a sleepover during the week.

That said, he's been staying with him for the last 2 weeks, on account of our huge bust-up over the whole thing.

I need to have a workable solution ready for when he comes back!

ds1 now only has xbox at weekends and even then it's only for an hour or so at a time unless he has friends over, in which case the boundaries get stretched somewhat

he kicked up an enormous fuss when I first said no xbox on school nights (and he wasn't playing for that long, but it was every night), but after a while of not playing every day he admitted that he had been addicted to it and now felt much better for not playing it so much

can you move the internet connection? ds can only play in our living room as that's where the only tv is, which makes it a lot easier for me to monitor what's going on

you're not alone, lots of ds' friends' parents have had to resort to hiding the controllers until homework's finished ...

Lairy - I am a worse mum than you - I got CoD6 for my 14.5 year old for christmas, knowing his 12.5 year old brother would play it too.

Ds3's (the 12.5 year old) behaviour and attitude have got worse since he's been playing the game - less empathy, more likely to lose his temper over trivial things, rudeness etc etc - and I have taken the game away for the whole of March, together with all the first-person shooting games for the xbox and ps2 - boy did that make me popular!

I have to say that his behaviour and attitude are improving - and he is going to be even more pissed off when he realises at he end of march that his improved behaviour isn't going to mean the games come back as normal. I will probably let them have the games at the weekends, but their time on them will be strictly controlled, and if the behaviour gets worse again, the games will go, full stop.

You've seen there's a problem and you are dealing with it - and that is good. One direct form of action that ds1 and ds2 have used on ds3 was to take away the power cable for the xbox - no power, no play.

Good luck and don't be too hard on yourself.

the itnernet connection for my ds x box is in the sitting room so i am staying up later than usual because i don;t like a row.
he just came just now, to do homework in between the X box, and i said bed now,
Why was his response?

because i said so.

i think a time limit must be set

can you arrange for internet to go down over the house at say 10. pm?

We don't have troble with DC's playing on the x box really late. But DD2 used to use to go on the internet until late she had a laptop. We try and switvh the internet off by midnight here. So that no one can use it after that whaterver they age. Same rule for everyone.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl I did the same as you (buying COD6 for DS1, 14, knowing that DS2, 12, would play).

As anyone with teenage boys knows these games are very addictive. I too have sometimes sorely wished that we never got the x box.
However, I can also see what fun they are and for my son who lives in a small village it's a way of playing with friends when he can't just go and call for them.
I have posted on this before because it soon became apparent that we needed time limits and also a way to stop the siblings bickering over whose turn it was.

When they were younger and had gameboys I had little digital timers which were set for one hour a day. They could choose to use it all at once or in bits and that worked really well for years.

The xbox has a built in timer you can set to limit game play. That didn't work for us because of the sharing issues.

We eventually ended up with an agreement like the Treaty of Versailles pinned up which limits each child to a specific time slot each day.
One day a week it's off all day and never before school.

This worked for us but I know what you mean about the genie being out of the bottle.
You have an opportunity while the xbox is put away to negotiate.
Why not start with a very limited allowance - say 1 hour every other day. If he proves he can handle that nicely (ie without sulking and simmering resentment),and keep up with his homework then the allowance can be increased up to an agreed maximum.

That sounds like sound advice, inthesticks.

I currently have a 13 year old DS who plays PC games (Hearts of Iron etc)at every possible opportunity. So far he comes off at bedtime & meals, but homework only gets done if I'm standing over him.

I think I am going to have to come up with a formalised solution as per inthesticks etc.

So far I just threaten to confiscate the power cable. Also have options to disconnect the internet cable from the games room (as it runs throught he roof void in the loft, or turn off electricity to the loft (where games room is). If your internet comes via cable (Virgin) you can disconnect it where it comes into the house.

My other problem was with an 18 cert PS3 game that DD1 (19) bought as a Xmas present for DD2 (16), which DS was playing. Luckily that has been sorted as DD2 is a sensible girl and I impressed on her that the game would be confiscated if she let DS play it or played it while he was in the room. The said game has remained unplayed on DD2's desk for a month now.