Promiscuous dd

[TammyAnne72]

Hopefully my acronym is right, it means 'daughter' yes? I've been scouring the forums for hours trying to find a similar situation to what I'm in. This is my first post in all my seventeen years of being a parent...

I came home early from work the other day. I was supposed to working til 11pm, so my 17 yr old only daughter (and child) had her friend over. I phoned her earlier that evening for a little girly night, they just said that they were drinking rose wine spritzers and chatting while their nails dried. I like hearing about all that, keeps me young and all.

However, wasn't quite prepared for what they were talking about. I came in through the back door as there was nowhere to park, she didn't hear me coming. I was already to shout down the hallway 'Hi girls!' and if they wanted a takeaway but just before I spoke my daughter's friend shouted 'oh! you SLUT!' and bursted into a fit of giggles. I heard my daughter join in. I lingered in the hallway and waited to hear what was going on.

I found out so many things within 2 minutes that has just changed my view of my dd.

1- She is on the pill, I didn't think she'd even know where to get it and she'd come to me when she was ready to have sex.
2- She is extremely sexually active and gets to know young men purely for the prospect of sex 'without all that relationship bollocks'
3- She is sleeping with HER MANAGER at work.
4- She is very very 'experienced'.

I'm clueless on what to do. I never spoke to her about sex at all apart from telling her when she got her period at 10 that she could now have children, so not to have sex. I thought she was above this! How did she even know how to get it?

I would be so much more happier if she had the mindset one of those dopey girls I meet at work everyday (I work on an abortion/gyno ward) who think that just because her boyfriend's sleep with them that they love them! She is instead being morally corrupt and sleeping around just for the kick she gets out of it...I feel ill. I would have never been like that at her age.

She is studious, beautiful and despite her vile sexual behaviour extremely kind hearted- I can see why these young men like her. I know her boss, he's a respectable young guy of 22 and because she's of age I can't go to the police, but I don't know why she's so stupid to get involved with someone in that position! She could lose her job over it!

I feel ill. She doesn't know I heard them. She's walking about with no make up on and her pyjamas as I type this, I can see her baby face and she looks so young and innocent. I am at my wits end.

And btw it's gynae not gyno - as you'd know if you actually fucking worked on one.

I wouldn't know if you're a troll or not (if you're just new a troll is someone making up things.)

But, I can imagine many of mothers of teen girls would feel as you've described, finding out what you heard.

I think promiscuity in young girls/people is worrying, I think it always has potential for emtional damage, I think that just because she bright, pretty and popular is no reasons to think that is not part of a self affirmation issue that young girls have with sexuality being instriscally linked to the need to be beuatiful and sexy.

I think your DD beehaviour sounds normal, but i think the norm is worying and I'd be concerned if she were mine.

try to talk to her when you feel calm, Think about the langauge you will use, you don't want to be seen on that attack, you need to seem supportive yet concerned.

Hey there Korma

You sound like an overly protective mother, it's no wonder she didn't speak to you about it first because you would have overreacted as you are doing now. You sound very very naive too. She's taking care of herself obviously which is more than most young women do and more than my peers did/do.

It's not vile sexual behaviour it's being young and exploring. I don't agree with younger girls having sex but she's old enough to make those decisions and if she's looking after herself whilst experiencing it I see no problem. Why would you go to the police about it?!

I spoke to my Mum about a lot growing up, still do, only 20 after all and she knows a hell of a lot about my sex life

And on her sleeping around, most likely she isn't sleeping around, it's being a teen and lying about it to look big in front of your friends.

I'm not entirely inclined to believe you, but that was for the offchance that you really are just a crazy parent.

TammyAnne72 I can understand how you must be feeling but maybe as she was having a drink and a giggle with her mate I suspect she may have been 'bigging' herself up.

Well, I can kind of understand why you are shocked, I'm no prude nor was I an angel but wouldn't like to hear my DD saying the same things. Nor would she want to hear details of your sex life. However, she is 17 and she has been responsible about contraception. If she really is sleeping with lots of different people, and not just "bigging it up", then she really needs to be practising safe sex and using condoms as well as being on the pill.

Not at all weird that the OP hasn't returned then?!

...I wonder why

If the OP worked on an abortion ward, would she seriously have not seen the importance of discussing sex/contraception with her dd.

This all sounds rather sad tbh. Personaly I'd be thankful your dd has the wit to think about contraception...and frankly I'm AMAZED you've never discussed sex with her? If you haven't broached the subject with her whyever would she do so with you? As a student nurse you should be more than aware of the risks she faces through unprotected sex...

If this post is for real, then I suspect some of what you overheard is teenage bravado - and some won't be. So for goodness sake put your own attitudes to sex aside and protect your daughter!!

Well, I will take this as a real post, though it seems very unlikely (abortion ward? is that even a real phrase?)... TA72, your decision not to talk to your dd about sex left your dd in a vacuum, just as my mother's decision not to talk to me about sex left a vacuum. Nature abhors a vacuum so somebody else talked to her about sex, lots of people in fact, and you lost the opportunity to explain your views and values to her, why they were important to you etc. That was just plain daft.

However, even doing that wouldn't have guaranteed your dd would agree with you about sex and want to do the same as you. That's parenthood I guess, and certainly scary. But try to get over feeling ill and labelling your dd's behaviour... she is still the same person and there is still time to try to be a bit more open to her and to perhaps ask a couple of questions about who she is seeing and why she likes them. I do hope she is choosing to have sex rather than feeling pressured into it. It's easy to think you know it all at her age.

i think it's slipped through a time warp[ and was actually written in 1968

yet another over-sharing thread about sex

17 yo dd's

17 yo selves at uni

"vile and twisted" carrying's-on

a load of female-sexuality-hating rubbish

ffs, it is boring

who is getting off on all this crap ?

The fact you havent talked to her since she was 10 says it all.

Get a grip and get into the 21st century FFS.

She is 17 now and growing into a woman.

You are either

a) a troll
b) living in the wrong century
c) a troll
d) in need of some serious guidance.

EIther way I feel very sorry for your DD. She sounds very grown up and switched on. At least she is on the pill.

i just like that smiley