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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

13 year old being a sheep

2 replies

CreamEggSeasonIsMine · 18/02/2010 10:47

I wonder is my 13 year old DD is acting normally. She seems to just copy off everyone else as if she has no mind of her own. She tells us she likes certain music but can't recite the names of the groups she likes, she just knows she likes them because "her mates do".
She dresses a certain way because "her mates do" and dislikes an item if "her mates do" and likes something else as long as "her mates do".
When Michael Jackson died her initial reaction was "oh my god, who IS that? why does anyone care that he's died? total has-been, nobody even knows who he is".
But then it became trendy to like him so next minute she's his biggest fan spending her money on jacko memrobelia, t-shirts, albums etc etc and listening to him constantly. I once overheard this convo:

DD "I've just bought this MJ bag"
friend "MJ?? how sad, I can't stand him"
DD big pause "no, I can't either, it does my head in"
friend "so why did you buy the bag?"
DD another pause "a joke. I bought it as a joke so I can put pictures on facebook for a laugh".

Last weekend she went to a friends house for the night. She left our house with "trendy" clothes on, thinking she's a bit tough, hating girly stuff and listening to pop. She returned sunday night with thick black eye-liner, gothy clothes, giggling like a 3 year old (because apparantly friend said she looks cute when she's girly) and listening to heavy metal. After everything she said she added an annoying "hehe!" it was driving me nuts.
It annoys me that she's never herself. She can never make her own decisions on use her own mind. I was never like that and DS is not like that. Is this even normal for 13 year old girls? DH says "its just a phase" but I'm worried about the next time a friend says "here smoke this, its "cool" " because I know damn well she'll do it!

OP posts:
luciemule · 18/02/2010 11:37

Sounds completely like she's trying to find herself and isn't sure what/who she's supposed to be. To you, she perhaps still feels like your little girl and wants to be that and to her friends, some of whom might be pressurising her to conform and be like them, she portrays a completely different persona.
Are there any clubs/activities that she can take up that have a totally different group of kids so that your DD can meet some new friends as well as her others and become her own person. She sounds like she has a lack of self esteem and starting a drama group/outdoor activity kind of ting might make her realise that she can be her own person and may give her the extra confidence she needs to stand up to her school friends.

bethjeff · 24/02/2010 17:57

I totally agree with the clubs/activities route.. it'll open her mind to new and hopefully interesting people.

Or get her to invite her friends to the house for a night, then you'll maybe get an insight into why she wants to be like them. If they're total f*nnies then tell her so afterwards.

She's probably more self aware than you think, she just wants to be liked. And whether she seems to be taking notice or not- your opinion will still count in her mind.

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