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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Is this reasonable at 16?

39 replies

mummyflood · 25/01/2010 09:05

On Friday evening, DS1, 16 last November, asked me the following;

Would I be allowed to get a train with some mates to Newcastle (approx 100 miles from here) with our bikes, etc then bike to the English/Scottish border (not sure how far from Newcastle?) then bike back to here from the border, i.e. no train back from Newcastle. DH has worked out the entire trip is approx 280 miles return, I think. DS reckons it will take them a week, and is not sure when they are thinking of doing it - probably the summer hols.

The 'mates' consist of 4 other lads & one girl, all in Yr11. the idea apparently came from the girl and another lad, neither of whom I have never heard of before now, but DS reckons have been doing DofE with him this past year. He has known the other lads since Yr7.

They haven't done any planning so far at all - he wanted to know if he would be allowed before they 'waste time planning it all' apparently.

My immediate reaction was no - it's too much - many reasons, including at the very least, how many camp sites would accept a group of teens, what happens in the event of bad weather when they are carrying loads of gear, etc. with no vehicle back-up, or at least none within a few hours - that would be down to us, guaranteed. How will they maintain charge on a mobile for a week for emergencies. DS reckons the lad and the girl who came up with the idea have been told 'yes' by parents. After much discussion with DH who originally thought 'no' for the above reasons and many more, he did a 'u' turn on Saturday morning and said yes, provided they are going on designated cycle routes.

WWYD?!

OP posts:
RustyBear · 25/01/2010 16:16

Get him one of these and he can charge his phone while he pedals.

I would have said yes to DS doing this if all his friends were as sensible as he was at this age - and if they are all DofE they are probably more used to doing stuff like this.

maryz · 25/01/2010 16:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 25/01/2010 16:24

Absolutely I would, better than getting drunk in Newquay.

harimosmummy · 25/01/2010 16:28

By FiveGoMadInDorset Mon 25-Jan-10 16:24:47
Absolutely I would, better than getting drunk in Newquay.

Couldn't put it better than that.

gizmo · 25/01/2010 16:29

Weeell, perhaps there's a possible half way house here?

Even if an adult were doing this they'd need to spend a lot of time planning and preparing. So, why don't you say 'yes' contigent on him showing you a plan for preparations and sticking to that plan. So you'd be comfortable that you knew what their route was, where they were staying, how they would cope in an emergency, how they'd budget and save the money necessary, how they were going to get fit enough etc?

I'd want to see my DS do a couple of shorter trips as preparation but there's a lot of time between now and the summer holidays to fit that in. Hopefully that way everyone would start the adventure as comfortable as they could be that all the bases had been covered.

Ivykaty44 · 25/01/2010 17:06

this is a useful site

Ivykaty44 · 25/01/2010 17:08

Oh and to show comitment and to give you some peace of mind - why not suggest they do a first aid course - a very useful life tool.

mummyflood · 25/01/2010 20:14

Thanks guys, especially for the links. Have already seen the YH one. According to DS, the whole point of this is that they enjoy camping - doesn't fancy the YH option. Until I pointed out the draw-back of possible wet/heavy equipment - a week is considerably longer than anything so far, he has started to suffer a bit with an achy back - combination of paper round, bad posture & weights at gym I think. Another story - under discussion currently.
Love the phone charger - he will too when he sees it.

Update since coming in from school (deep breath).

  1. BF, after asking if DS is allowed to do this, has announced that it probably isn't going ahead now anyway. DS doesn't know the reason apparently. WHY did he not ask??!
  2. He has just signed up for DofE gold, and the service element he wants to do can only be done on a Monday after school, clashing with paper round and a cadet night!
  3. Another friend has asked him if he fancies doing the 3 peaks with her & some others, apparently a good chance an adult would be going with them. Don't know the first thing about the three peaks, aside from DH thinks it includes Ben Nevis - Scotland again??

No wonder my Mum calls him bloody Action Man!!

OP posts:
Ivykaty44 · 25/01/2010 21:02

3 peaks is that and the srive between in 24 hours and one mt in the dark...

Prinnie · 25/01/2010 21:15

I think definitely yes - as long as they do a practice run at Easter - TBH I would treat a 16 year old like an adult with this kind of thing provided they were quite worldly and sensible.

mummyflood · 26/01/2010 15:31

Well, it's definitely off. Don't know why, but not going ahead now.

DS has so many other balls in the air, i.e. DofE Gold, Cadets twice a week (lengthy training opportunity coming up involving several consecutive weekends), season tickets for football & rugby involving most Fridays & Saturdays, coursework & gcse revision, wants to pick up his gym sessions to build his fitness in readiness for his forces application - to be honest, he struggles sometimes at the moment to fit in everything he wants to do. I'm not convinced that he could schedule anything regular enough with his mates to prepare him for it anyway. DH is absolutely adamant that it is a complete no-no, way too ambitious. We both think as well that it may have been a bit of a wild suggestion by whoever came up with the idea - can't really get to the bottom of who suggested it - to sort of test out who's allowed to do what, IYSWIM. It seems to have fallen apart pretty quickly when apparently at least two of them had the permission from the parents??!

The three peaks idea is apparently the YORKSHIRE 3 peaks, DS is going to find out a bit more and that one may be more of a go-er, we'll see.

DH came up with something else this morning. Would we consider letting DS stay home alone for a week, allow him to invite 4 or 5 mates, and leave them to it? He thinks that would be a softer option than the idea DS was putting to us, with far less potential problems, but not something he (DH) would consider in a million years!!

OP posts:
juneybean · 26/01/2010 15:33

Power to them, took me about an hour to drive a car from Newcastle to Wooler, I spect they'd go along the A68 route? That would take just over an hour in a car, it's about 46 miles from Newcastle.

iamdisappointedinyou · 26/01/2010 21:47

"DH came up with something else this morning. Would we consider letting DS stay home alone for a week, allow him to invite 4 or 5 mates, and leave them to it?"

He is joking!?
I have no problem with the cycling trip but no way would I leave teenagers home-alone to party for a week.

Northumberlandlass · 27/01/2010 13:12

Hey guys - Newcastle to the Borders is canny old trek ! Some of my work mates did it last year and they are very experienced cyclists. They did the coast & castle route - which is well mapped but does involve a lot of roads. The A68 is a major road. I really wouldn't recommend it.

How about walking the length of Hadrians Wall ? Starting off in Newcastle and walking to Carlisle ? Easy to camp on the way..stunning scenery....

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