Facebook and teenagers

[Taisi]

Both my kids have facebook accounts which I helped them to set up so that I would have access to the linked email accounts and their passwords. I think I should have access to their accounts so that if I need to I can check that they aren't being bullied or being bullies or worse.

My DS(16) has no problem with this. My DD (13) is making a really big deal over it.

Today she came back from seeing a guidance teacher at school (it seems there are also other issues which she won't tell me about)who has suggested that as a compromise, if DD picks up her dirty washing I should give up access to her account.

Yes I did change her password to lock her out a few weeks ago because she persistently wouldn't do chores before going on Facebook and would also sneak off to a friend's straight from school to use their computer. Once the room was tidied I changed it back.

I feel like I'm being asked to let her play at night in a city she doesn't know and take no precautions for her safety.

Am I being unreasonable?

agree with cat that the teacher is really overstepping the limits here: how would she like it if you told your dd she didn't have to stick to rules set by the teachers?

Thanks everyone for your views and support, I was in a bit of a spin last night. I have made contact with the Guidance Teacher today who says that she only suggested DD try to find some sort of compromise with me, the exact nature of the compromise was DD's idea. This is a boundary that is going to have to be held, we'll have to try for some other compromise.

You are right to stick to these rules so that you can protect your DCs.

DD2 (12) was in real trouble last year for giving away identifying details on a public forum and lost her laptop for a month as a result.

Tonight she was sitting next to me, using her laptop and when she left the room I looked over at her screen to see that she was on MSN which was displaying a photo of a MUCH older boy. When I picked up the laptop to look closer she had three conversations on the go to unknown older boys .

She knows the rules full well about being in contact with people she doesn't know in RL. So I made her delete all of the 'unknown' contacts and have threatened that if she does it again we'll block all social networking sites.

The problem is we know the dangers but they think they can handle it and have a false sense of security .