20 yr old Son Wants To Move Back Home

[Tortington]

As you may or may not know, I chucked him and his GF out last year.

Pair of them Lazy
Arguments - loud vicous police were called argument - at one point.

He is unemployed, skint.

He smokes weed.

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Other Factors - he and his GF have a nice flat ( it's a shithole) but nice. It's a council flat - rare as something very rare.

He has always had a troubled relationship with the GF, have tried to remain impartial as a mother can

I have asked him to come round tonight, will cook him a meal and talk about it. Told him he can have the setee tonight.

I think if i put conditions on his return he might not return.

Conditions being

get a job
No drugs.

Thats not unreasonable is it?

I do have two 16 yo to consider and we have a pretty drama free household.

Also ds1 and i are so alike in temprement, where i can speak to the twins in even matriarchal tones.

DS1 and i just row!

but god i love him so much and am quite looking forward to his company

I am right to put conditions on his return aren't i?

he is 20 - i can't be unconditional mum forever can i?

Absolutely! Your house, your rules. I don't pretend to know anything about parenting teenagers (mine are 6 and 3) but I know it's a tough job, and you can change the rules if it doesn't suit. Good luck.
You give such straightforward in your face advice, you probably know the best way forward without our say so!

Think you're right re conditions - and it's not as if you're asking him to do anything extraordinary - just fit in with the needs of his immediate environment. Will you be asking him for rent as well? Think you should. You both need to know if he's moving back because it's a better life, or because it looks easier to him than the alternative.

Obviously if there's any major trauma with the GF the above statemetn is out of the window!

Bloody hell yes you are right to put those conditions on, its an offence to knowingly allow drugs in your house anyway so unless you want to be nicked thats a rule he should accept without question. As for the job, he's an adult, adults work, tis not unusual.

Does the girlfriend come to yours too? If so, you are a saint.

I would add help with house work as well.

Those conditions are fine and reasonable imo.

no not the GF - this is a split from GF as far as i can tell - they will have probably made up by tonight - its just so unusual for ds1 to contact me.

ggirl - deffo housework - you are right. this is why i lost the plot last time and told them both to sling their hook

thanks for confirming it.

xx

Trouble is, at the end of the day, he's your boy and you don't stop loving him just because he behaves like a nob sometimes.

Equally, he shouldn't take that love for granted. End of lesson.

So just to be clear - he would move home because he/gf are breaking up? She would keep the flat, and so not be at yours?

Ah - I see post of 15.18.

How do dh and other dc feel about the possibility?

You know you have to attach conditions because if you don't it will be a pain in the arse doing it once he is moved in. No drugs, job, rent, cleaning.

Don't let him move in if he has no means to get himself out again, or you will have him forever.

We went through this about 3 years ago! Don't have him back unless you & he are sure that he can stick to your rules. Our son didn't agree with our rules & didn't feel he could stick to them (v similar to yours) - so rented a room in a house. It has worked out ok now. Wasn't it lovely when they were little?! He is 23 and beginning to grow up... Be strong!!

thanks for all your responses, it all came to nought, he's not coming...apparently - not heard from him or anything.

Oh dear. Maybe they were having a passionate row this morning and now they're passionately making up...?

shhhhhhhhhh TMI TMI

After last time I'd have thought you had doberman patrols and sentry boxes around your gaff by now.