How much do you spend on 14yr old clothes - am I being tight?

[MRSVICTOR]

DSD is 14 and we give her £10.00 pocket money every week, for this has some chores i.e. fills the dishwasher after dinner and does her own ironing (bliss no more uniforms). Her pocket money is for socialising, make up etc. We buy her clothes plus birthday and christmas money we now suggest she buys clothes with.

The amount of things we've bought her and she's never worn or worn only once is obscene. I'm starting to grudge every penny but as we've had another big clearout her wardrobe is looking bare again. She wants Uggs (no way)and has a penchant for party dresses which never see the light of day.

Maybe I should be tougher and only purchase 'sensible' stuff I know she'll wear - how does everyone else manage? On her way out there she's just said "oh you need to take me to Topshop soon I've nothing to wear...." Grrrrr

It's the growing DD2 does that keeps catching me out - nearly 5'9 at 13, 2 inches shorter than her best mate . We seem to be well and truly into adult sizes now, Mini Boden is a distant memory, as are hand-me-downs as she's the same size as her sister.

I replace jeans/shoes/undies as necessary but will only pay New Look prices, not Top Shop - that sort of stuff has to be birthday or Christmas presents.

Couldn't put a figure on how much I spend but I'm not extravagant (except with myself ). It worries me a bit that shopping could become a hobby rather than a necessity.

Have to say, I agree with Seeker. Unless she is earning this money, you are providing her with it, so you are giving her the signals that this is what you want.

"and another thing, when they get together as friends they 'go out for dinner' or go 'out for lunch' - when I was that age we sat in a friends bedroom, blew smoke out the windows and drank cheap lager (well not quite at 14) but we certainly didn't 'do lunch'. No wonder she can't save up for clothes...."

Again, no doubt this was not because you were so wonderfully restrained at a young age: it was surely because nobody provided you with the dosh? Loads of people in this world don't "do" lunch because they haven't got the money. Either you refuse to fund an expensive lifestyle, or else you accept that an expensive lifestyle is what she is going to have.

£50 handbag aged 14?

Well, if you can afford to do this, why not?

However, it does sound like you can't afford to indulge her sartorial whims, to which the answer is "No, DD. You can't have that. I don't care why you want it, I don't care how important it is, I am not buying it. Find a cheaper one."

Oh, Mrsvictor, she CAN save up for clothes. She clearly likes clothes, so is motivated to save for them by that. However, you paying for everything she decides on an adolescent whim that she wants is a DEmotivator!

Why would she save for clothes when YOU buy them anyway?>

DD used to nag me to buy things that she absolutely had to have. She would wear it once and then it was never seen again. I got fed up with this so we switched to a monthly allowance. All of a sudden, when it was her money instead of mine, she got a lot more discriminating about where it was spent.
We provide the basics (boring things like undies, socks/tights, uniform) but anything fashionable is her department. The allowance also pays for her PAYG phone and friends' presents.

It solves a lot of problems. You just say - there's your money, you handle it. They soon learn.

I know, I know, we've got ourselves in this position. I think a big part of it she's my DSD not DD so laying down the ground rules and boundaries I find hard - my gut reaction is to say NO! but that's when I think I'm being too harsh perhaps....from what you've all said though I think we're much too soft...and spot on why would she save when she knows only too well that we'll come up with the goods.
Senua - how much allowance do you give your DD?

My dd gets 20 pounds a month. I buy the very basics - so she doesn't have to go out naked - but that funds all the rest. She earns some money by helping out at the stables, and I do slip her the occasional fiver for the cinema or swimming.

She loves charity shopping, and has started to make/customize some clothes (with varying degrees of success!)

I would only buy her stuff from TopShop for a very special occasion (I bought her a dress for a big family party in the summer) or on her birthday.

Could you suggest she puts some of the unworn stuff on Ebay?

Another thing - my dd's school had a massive clothes exchange day as part of their charity fund raising. That was a huge success - could your dd organize something like that?

I'm 21 (so this is relatively recent) my mum used to give me the amount of child benefit you get for the second child as a clothing allowance when I was 16. (I was the eldest but still in education) Out of this I had to buy all my own clothes. However I was not allowed to save it up and buy something stupidly expensive as once I wanted some expensive trainers and she said I could have £40 from my clothing allowance but I had to stump up the rest myself if I wanted them.

Generally I would buy something with my own money (thinking about it this was when I was 16+) and ask for the money back from my clothing allowance. If I was going clothes shopping I was allowed to take some first, but I'd always show my mum what I'd got afterwards (in a sharing, girly way, rather than a mum-monitoring-my-spending way!) and I think she'd have gone mad if I'd spent £50 on a t-shirt or something.

Before I had a clothing allowance my mum was doing all my washing and would notice if I was low on trousers, tops, etc and take me shopping for the particular items that I needed, but I wasn't allowed to buy a top (which has always been the thing I buy millions of and waste money on!) if I needed trousers etc.

When my DDs were 14 we started a monthly clothing allowence for them paid straight into a bank account. I still bought basic clothes,shoes and school uniform but anything else they wanted they had to fund from thier allowence and they were allowed to buy what they wanyed as long as they could fund it.

Ah, the thorny question of how much.
It was a few years ago: she had £20 per month which was never increased. It was kept low as an incentive to get a paying job.

DS (14) was trying to negotiate an increase this w/end: he thinks £50 per month is the going rate.

senua DD3 17 gets £30 a month. She seems to manage on this but does supplement it with money that MI gives her when we see her. MIL was here this week and gave her £40 but she only sees her a few times a year. I will sometimes top up her mobile phone. As I've said before she is looking hard for a part time job and has applied for several but they are not easy to get. So It isn't any good us saying to her you have to get a job.

I have a girly shopping trip with DD1 most school holidays, something we look forward to. I buy her things I agree she needs plus the odd treat and she funds all the extras with pocket money and birthday/Christmas money. Thankfully she hasn't got in to expensive labels yet and is still happy with cheap n cheerful! DD2 even easier, has virtually no interest in clothes and apart from the odd going-out outfit, is contented with hand-me-downs!