just had the worst sunday ever. rant alert.

[Tortington]

16 yo twins. 19 yo older bro - moved out 5 mins away with gf.

twins tend to doss at bros and come home the worse for wear. dd is currently grounded becuase of this.

ds1 came to visit yesterday and took ds2 with.

before they left, the twins (b,g, if you are now confused) had a huge row. ds2 left with ds1

dd turned round and started to shout at me, i sat here and let her.

she stormed upstairs ( i had at this point said nada)

banged about a LOT

stormed downstairs went outthe front door went round the block.

knocked on back door i let her in without a work and maybe a harsh look.

again halfway up stairs she starts shouting at me.

so i SHOUT "ENOUGH. RIGHT NOW. THAT IS ENOUGH!"

she storms out ( remember i was just the sounding board for displaced anger at her brother)

she doesn't return until 11pm - we had no idea where she was and i was frantic.

simultaniously ds2 comes back rom big bro's stoned. i mean fucking wasted.

my eldest has pushed - but i love him and he pushes - and i forgive i always forgive i love him.

but tonight i am going round to his flat to tell him that whilst i understand it is a decision made by the twins to drink or smoke at his house, he provides the stuff and the venue.

If he continues to do this, i will sever all contact with him and not speak to him again.

please remember that i am a liberal parent - and to get to this point i have been seriously treated like dirt for months.

i resent being treated as though i am stupid in my own home.

i have had enough.

i told the twins the same, that if they decide to do these things at ds1s flat that the three of them have decided that my relationship with ds1 is not important.

on their heads be it.

dh and i going round to his flat tonight.

this morning completely ignored dd, didn't say good morning, didn't tell her she looked nice for college, didn't ....well anything.

she came downstairs gave me a big hug and said she was so sorry and she wants us to be 'friends again'

ds2 this morning- nada. he isn't in college today. he is just in his room after i told him to tidy it properly - i mean properly. he hasn't started ant it's 2pm and i have told him twice already.

i am about to blow my top in a serious way.

anyway if you have got through that well done.

no advice needed just cathartic to write it down

feel a bit vulnerable and weepy and just generally fed up. ta.

Life with teenagers eh - it can be such crap!

No advice for you custy, but tons of empathy. Your ds2 probably sees ds1's life as fabulous and free - it must be so difficult for you to have that as an alternative to family life with you.

My dd2 was a selfish little cow all summer - just did exactly as she wanted to do, out with her friends all the time. Every second night we got a phone call "can I stay at Laura's; can I stay at Cat's".

Normally I'm a bit wise about these things, and I check it out a bit to make sure that what she's telling me is true, but I completely ran out of energy. So I have to admit that I couldn't be 100% certain where she actually was .

Eventually I cracked and had a mega go at her, all very controlled, but the tone of a very, very disappointed mother - she had done nothing to help around the house, she had not cooked a thing, her room was such a mess (as you can imagine, custy) etc. My final blow was that she hadn't even visited her gps (who are elderly and could die at any moment). All seemed to hit home and dd was very contrite and has been quite lovely for the last month.

Stick in there, custy.

I think I would go with the 'adult' talk with your older DS.

In my experience older teens who are smoking dope, drinking etc are usually highly disapproving of their younger siblings doing the same thing (obtuse, I know). However, your DS seems to be encouraging your DTs to a certain extent, which is irritating to say the least. I would be going beserk very annoyed but it's probably a bit late for that.

I think the only thing you can do is to appeal to his more mature side and just beg suggest that he doesnt keep giving them alcohol etc.

thanks all,

as it happens i was ill earlier today - which probably is why i posting whilst emotional.

i ended up having a hot bath and watching a film and getting myself right for work tomorow.

dh and i are going to go go round to ds tomorrow after work.

its clear he doesn't care for ds2 - if he did he wouldn't so this stuff - and i have told ds2 just that.

i think the police is a good tactic.

most of all the twins have shit -it with me. my patience is gone.

dd has been kissing arse big time

ds said 'oh well!'

good luck custy

Is this interfering with their studies and grades? Could you put it to DS1 if he continues to indulge his DB and DS he will ruin their futures.

Surely the Police would see him giving drugs to minors as supplying? So would be interested. I am sure he wouldn't like to get even a caution.

update.

i went round by myself this afternoon and had a civilised conversation. i told him if he loved his brother and sister that he would look out for them and not let this kind of thing happen. i did say (although didn't stress) that if it carried on that he and i would"fall out ...permanantly!"

we hugged i left.

the twins are well aware that i am at my limit.

thank you for your advice. it went as well as it possibly could

Custy will keep my fingers crossed that it has sunk in with him and he will start behaving like a big brother and at least a semi responsible adult.

how are things going custy?