Mixed sex sleepovers at 14?? Is this what they do now?

[Mumwhensdinneready]

I'm so old we never did sleepovers of any kind.
DS has been invited to a friend's birthday and there will be girls sleeping over as well as boys.
I don't want to have double standards here but if he was girl I wouldn't hesitate to say no. I remember being a 14 year old girl, just.
I know all the parents and they all seem happy about it. So it's just me with a suspicious mind then?

Not in my world either.
Dd is nearly 15, not remotely interested in boys and doesn't even like sleepovers with girls. She's like me....needs her sleep and loathes Facebook.

Yup - big group of non boy/girlfriends sounds fine. 1 'couple' sounds like a recipe for calamity. I wouldn't allow it either.

I've not read all the replies, but I'd let him.

I was part of a 15-strong friendship group when I was that age, and we regularly had parties and all stayed over (15 peoples parents to go away, see? Increases the number of illicit parties!).

We still meet up in various combinations 20 years later, and despite several relationships within the group sparking and fading, we all always came back to being friends in the end.

In hindsight, it was an incredibly safe way to learn about boys and relationships (and dare I say it, sex). I would love a similar situation for my DC

I'd say go for it, as long as they have adults in the house. I went to a couple and can guarantee that worse happened at the all girl sleepovers than what happened at the mixed-sex ones!

But as the others have said, it's different if it's only one or two boys/girls as opposed to a group. Group sleepover at this age yes, one or two friends or mixed sex, probably best not...

wot alypaly said

Good to know your thoughts. I chatted about it with her last night and she said whatever I thought was fine - I'm wondering if she was kinda relieved when I said she couldn't go. Thx for your help everyone. :)

Funny isn't it - I sometimes agonise over a decision related to my dd and then when I say no they just say - oh, okay then. And I have just spent a week pondering and thinking she is going to go mad at me!!

sometimes your kids need (and want) you to take a line

some of it may be peer pressure

they don't know how to say no themselves and you give them the convenient out "my (horrible) mum says I can't"

I think you guys are right about maybe agonising too much! Win-win this time! She's happy, we're happy - bf still pestering for sleepover - but he'll just have to wait :)

YY Anyfucker - they ask for stuff knowing and hoping that you will say no so they have an excuse.

Jaspant - you are very wise

Knowing what I was like at that age, there's no way I'd be happy for there to be a mixed sleepover. I went to a number of house parties at that age and it was all sex, drugs etc. But then, I suppose, they were parties, rather than sleepovers with groups of friends.

It would depend on the child I think. If they have boys who are just 'friends', that you trust, then maybe. For me, at an all-girls school, boys were not there to be 'friends' with, they were there simply to have sex with and gain as much adult experience with as possible.

Lots depend on the circumstances.