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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

help quick advice needed!!!!!!

27 replies

noddyholder · 28/07/2009 19:49

Ds is 15 and we are fairly lenient letting him go places but haven't allowed him to go to London yet.He wants to go to a skate park in shepherds bush and he has been there before as part of birthday trips but always with a parent in teh vicinity in case anything happens.My main concern is that one of them has an accident and no one is around they are all v competent skaters but no helmets and they do take risks which is fine with us at the end of the phone but not so good if we are hours away.One of his friends has his birthday this week and his mum has said he can go and he wants to take my ds plus 3 others.He is only 14 but his parents are v liberal etc and seem happy at teh thought of him being there on his own.I on the other hand have said no as I am concerned that if there is an accident they have no adult.What shall I do?

OP posts:
AnarchyAunt · 28/07/2009 19:52

Are they allowed to use the skate park with no adult if under 16? Is it a properly supervised one or is it an outdoor one with no supervision/responsible adults?

randomtask · 28/07/2009 19:53

If they have an accident, would they know to call the police/ambulance? If so, I'd say yes (but spend all day worrying) or tell him yes but he must take his skate helmet (and obviously know he'd say yes but not do it). If you don't think they'd be that responsible, then no. You couldn't change an accident happening if you were there but I know you'd feel at least you knew.

So, depends on how you think DS would behave.

Oh and are you sure there's no-one about who would help in an emergency anyway? A lot of skateparks have 'activities' going on during the holidays.

BCNS · 28/07/2009 19:54

difficult one this.. I'd say go with what you think is right.

but there could be the arguement that he is 15.. he will be with a group ( thats a good and bad thing lol).. if he took a mobile.. which i'm sure he and all of them would .. if there was a problem.. they would be able to get help and let you know.

that didn't help much really did it..

if it were my 14 year old.. knowing him.. i'd say yes.. but set conditions.

Original poster
noddyholder · 28/07/2009 19:55

It is indoor and out but no 'real' supervision.There are staff in the kiosks etc but they don't actively supervise.Tbh I don't want him to go that far from home with no adult 'around'.He went with this boy before and was supposed to leave London with his mum at 4 so we were expecting him home at 7.At 10 he still wasn't back and she had met some friends in London and was fairly tipsy and didn't meet them on time!As I said she is v liberal and I'm not!

OP posts:
Original poster
noddyholder · 28/07/2009 19:56

They can't be trusted!last time one of them got left behind and was travelling around on the tube utterly terrified!

OP posts:
AnarchyAunt · 28/07/2009 19:57

Have to say I'd be reluctant just because its so far, and a bit of a big one for a first trip to London unaccompanied.

But its hard when their friends are allowed.

Could you maybe 'offer a lift' and then hang around in London or is that not feasible?

Original poster
noddyholder · 28/07/2009 19:58

They don't want me to come!

OP posts:
mamas12 · 28/07/2009 20:00

Oh shit then, he's f!
Can you explain your fears to him and try to find someone else to take them or another time time to take them yourself??

psychomum5 · 28/07/2009 20:00

hmm..........I would have to say no if this were me, but then, I havw girl teen at the moment, plus that hidious memory still in my head of the first time I relaxed the rules.

can you go and 'semi-supervise' (ie, take, drop, collect, stay close but not actually in the place??)

frAKKINPannikin · 28/07/2009 20:01

Invent a friend who lives a convenient distance away. Drive them. Swan round Notting Hill. Tell them they have to stay at least another 10 minutes after the end time to keep up the fiction.

I recently found out my mother did that to me instead of letting me go somewhere by myself with some friends she didn't quite trust although she trusted me to be sensible IYSWIM. Except she didn't swan round Notting Hill...

Owls · 28/07/2009 20:01

Oooh it's so difficult isn't it. Given what you said happened before I'd be even more worried. Just say no. Easier said than done though. Let him go, cross fingers and hope like we have to do with our teenagers? Feel for you. Could you not go and disappear to do some shopping or something?

BCNS · 28/07/2009 20:02

this is really hard for you.. and my stomach is churning for you at the thought
{kindly smile}

I would set serious conditions.. text when you get there, text if there is a problem or one of you get seperated, text when your back on the train etc etc etc.

I'd also make it totally clear that if the conditions are not followed.. that is the end of his summer hols.. and he'll be grounded and working for you etc etc when he gets back

or you could just say.. your not mature enough.. and i don't trust your friends after the tube insident. and bite the bullet.

Original poster
noddyholder · 28/07/2009 20:02

No they wnt to go alone plus we have only heard of this in the last half hour so can't be that organised!Tbh his parents should deal with the supervision for his birthday but they aren't that type really.Lots of banging around and muttering under his breath atm

OP posts:
Original poster
noddyholder · 28/07/2009 20:08

psycho I remember that .It just fuels my fire to say no even more.

OP posts:
Original poster
noddyholder · 28/07/2009 20:29

anyone else?

OP posts:
frAKKINPannikin · 28/07/2009 21:02

If they won't let you take them then the answer is no - it doesn't sound like you're comfortable with them going alone and you would be well within your rights to put your foot down after one of them got left on the tube last time.

It's harsh but if he wants to go that much then maybe he'll compromise.

Or let him go and follow him the whole way wearing a wig and large sunglasses...

Original poster
noddyholder · 28/07/2009 21:46

I have told him a definite no now and am just ignoring the sulks! i am not comfortable with it at all as anything could happen and there would be no one to help them.It is too far tbh and thats that !

OP posts:
mamas12 · 29/07/2009 00:41

Well done noddy.
I do the bad guy quite well in front of them but it's tough. They don't seem to realise it's keeping them safe!

jemart · 29/07/2009 00:48

My initial thought was, London + skate park = yoofs with knives (gross generalisation I know)
I'd be terrified to let my child do this TBH

Original poster
noddyholder · 29/07/2009 08:59

Thanks for all the messages,I appreciate it as it has been a pain tonight.I think his general attitude over this has shown he still isn't mature enough to be trusted!Lots of huffing and puffing but dp and I both strongly agreed that it was all a bit disorganised and bh I think they invented the birthday scenario as an excuse to go there alone!Its going to be a long day here with him sulking around the house

OP posts:
psychomum5 · 29/07/2009 11:24

I think you have made the right decision noddy. bloody hard isn;t it, parenting these teens who think they know it all yet clearly don;t yet.

have fun with the sulking.

Original poster
noddyholder · 29/07/2009 11:42

The sighs are deafening

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 29/07/2009 11:53

You're right though.
I've got 2 teens, 14 and 18. First they went to Brighton unaccompanied by an adult, older one has tackled London. In each case, I've let the reins go gradually. I let her go to Brighton to meet friends when she was 13, but I was in the city at the same time so if she did need to phone, I was in reach.
Didn't dissemble or discuss it, just told her what was going to happen. Did that a few times, then by 15 she was independent.
Did the same with London, went up together and then split up.
Boy is different, he has AS but we're at the stage of both being in Brighton at the same time in different places, and leaving him in the British/Nat History Museum or the National Gallery for a couple of hours unattended.
They both know I'm very protective, if they let me down, mess around with the meeting times or turn off their phones then the safety bars will come down like Alcatraz.
Not happened so far, they like their freedom to much to risk it.

Original poster
noddyholder · 29/07/2009 11:58

If he had asked to go to London for some oterh reason not skating I would have been more likely to consider it tbh as the injury element is very real to me as I have seen some horrors over the years!I have let him go to neighbouring towns eg half hour away by car when dp is around to race off if anything happens.We are gradually giving him more freedom but this was just a no for us!

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 29/07/2009 12:05

Don't second-guess yourself, you've done the right thing and he'll have to deal with your decision. Fractured skulls are not a good thing to be worrying about.
Let him grump and stick to your guns!

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