My 15 yr old is bulimic and I just don't know what to do(long sorry)

[Macforme]

I have suspected that her eating hasn't been normal for a while.. but I have 4 teens and they do eat/not eat sporadically (ok I revise that..the boys never STOP eating!) and generally they eat fairly healthily with the odd bit of junk thrown in.

My younger daughter is a classic high achiever.. the 'good girl' at school.. very bright, on track for fantastic GCSEs, pretty and popular. Everyone loves her. However her older sister (equally bright, popular bla bla heading for Med school) is also tall and VERY slim.. just naturally. DS2 however is only 5 ft 2 with an enormous bust, tho just a size 8 jeans.. and next to her sister she has always felt 'fat' despite our best efforts to let her know that she isn't!

Incase it sounds like a high pressure family..it's really not. All we have ever wanted is for the children to be happy and healthy..DS1 is a guitar playing skating non academic wild child.. DS2 has learning difficulties and autism and is just loved for his unique self.

DD2's eating has been disordered for a while.. lots one day then very little for a few days and I started to be half aware of it. Then recently I started to suspect she was throwing away lunch etc..
However it was by sheer chance that I discovered the full extent of it.. DD2 had been using my laptop and had left her blog up when she went out.. and without having any idea about it I read the page... and then the next.. because it detailed every step of her self starvation, vomiting etc etc.
I have never invaded my children's privacy in that way before and hated doing so but the reading was horrifying. Worse was that she knew I suspected and she was doing everything she could to cover it up.

Devastated doesn't begin to cover it. I confronted her with my knowledge and she was terribly upset for upsetting me, but curiously blank in her emotions towards her eating. She promised it would stop.
Of course it hasn't at all, but she is being far more careful to hide it from me (and guarded in her blog!)

I don't want to invade her privacy but I feel I have no choice but to read what is happening.. but I don't know where to go from here. She flatly refuses to see a doctor, she denies it's a problem and insists her eating is her business.

She has always been an open and happy child as far as we were aware and I just want to help and don't know where to start . I don't want to risk alienating her but can't just 'leave her be'

You must be feeling so worried and upset

What exactly is she doing - is she bingeing and then purging or is she restricting diet and also purging?

She absolutely needs to see a professional, if not a doctor then a counsellor.
I suffered bulimia for years as a teen and it's never really left me. My parents never knew. My younger brother on the other hand started showing signs of a serious eating disorder and they nipped it in the bud by getting the proper help and he is now fine.
The first thing I would do is ban her from writing the blog. There is enough vile stuff on the internet encouraging others in their quest to starve themselves without her adding to it. Buy her a diary instead and tell her that you will respect her privacy and not read it. In fact I would even go so far as to ban the computer entirely if it's at all possible. Call your GP and go in for a talk, without her if she really will not go with you. It might be worth getitng her a couple of books to read in the meantime- this one is good and fairly non-triggering. this one is probably better for her to read once she's already in recovery- it's a pretty harrowing read, but helpful nonetheless I think

Thankyou littlelamb.. I have ordered the first book, and I am going to make an appointment today to speak to the doctors (without her initially) and see what can be offered.

She doesn't know I am still watching her blog. Do you think i should come straight out with it and tell her? Do you think that at some level she will know I am trying to help? I am absolutely frightened stiff of losing what has always been a very good relationship with her..

I don't think you should tell her. I'm worried that she is even writing details of it in her blog tbh. I think, as difficult as it will be, I would ban her from writing it. There's nothing she can write on a blog that she can't write in a jounral, and that way there won't be people reading it and getting tips and inspiration for themselves
I would just give the booka quick read through before you giv eit to her. I think it's a great book but you might want to check it first in case there's anything in it that might give her ideas. What I would say from my own experience, and that of my friends, is that it is alarming how much eating disordered behaviour is acceptable these days, and because of that it may be very hard for her to even accept she has a problem. Just read any magazine, ask any girlfriend, women are weird about eating and food, she may see nothing wrong with starving, or cutting out certain food groups, or throwing up after a meal. The effeects of bulimia, both physical and mental are long lasting. I know I thought it wasn't as serious as anorexia but that just isn't the case.
I hope your doctor was helpful. DOn't hesitate to change GP if yours isn't sympathetic.

I think she'll probably assume that you are watching the blog

Does her sister know about it, do you know? Might she be able to intervene?

Might DD2 have left her blog up accidentally-on-purpose so that you would find it?

hey macforme

i kindof understand how your DD is feeling.
bulimia is something i suffer from. i am in recovery now and have appointments with an eting disorder specialist.
i agree with littlelamb you need to ban her from using the computer if she is using it to write a blog about her ED and buy her a daily diary so she can write in it every day. it is also a good idea to ban the computer because i believe that your DD may also be using some pro-ana/pro-mis sites, these sites give you tips on how to starve yourself, how to distract your-self from eating, how to throw-up so no one will suspect anything, and how to hide it all for people, along with other thing.
also you NEED to make that docters appointment whether she goes with you or not the first time. docters take eating disorders very seriously, and he/she will most likly reffer you to a child and adolescence mentle health unit the unit will then send out a letter to you. the letter will tell you to ring them and make an appointment, both you and you DD need to go to this appointment. at this appointment they will sit you both in a room ask you some questions, then from the answers you both give they will determin whichtherapist you will see (this will most likly be an eating disorder specialist). after that you will ether make an appointment to see the therapist while you are there, they will send you a letter with the appointment date/time/who with on, or they will ring you and tell you.
in the mean time whilst waiting for an appointment i suggest it may be a good idea for you to sit you DD down and have a long chat with her about it and what is going on inside her head. also buy her a self-help book. and let her read thorugh it. the book that littlelamb suggested are both good too.